Whining

I've been whining for some time now to Abba, about the fact Mr. B doesn't treat me like a woman.  I've taken it quite personally and very hard.  I've never been treated this way before.  It's very foreign and nothing I would choose.  Sadly, after 13 years, it's not so foreign anymore, and my memories of being treated like a woman are fading into the distant past.  Don't worry, I'm not confused.  I know I'm a woman that was gifted with a great many capabilities and that's okay.  I have no desire to be in competition with anyone, although between you, me, and the fence post, I wouldn't mind being treated as the "weaker vessel" once in awhile.  That, however; is not reflective of my spiritual standing.

After the calamity on Sabbath, I realized, I really did just want a pair of big strong arms around me telling me everything would be okay.  It wasn't a matter of lust, nor did I even include a body or face with those big strong arms, just took a few moments to acknowledge to myself I may be capable, but I'm not invincible.  I could even get emotional, once in awhile, if there was a safe place to do so . . . and there is.  My office in the early morning and outdoors.  I guess I could lock myself in the bathroom, but that's just not my style.  Yesterday morning, I just wanted someone to acknowledge my pain and allow me to dramatize my crisis.  Remember Mary Tyler Moore as Laura Petrie on the Dick Van Dyke show when she would just fall apart saying "Ooooooooh Rrrrrrrrrrrrob!"  Ah well, back to reality.

As I read and pondered, thinking back to my simple invitation to Mr. B all those years ago.   I met him at his church when he announced he had just taken a job that had him working week-end days, so he wouldn't be attending much for awhile.  I was facilitating a Friday evening Torah study and oneg, so I simply handed him a card, mentioned the Friday evening gathering and said, "Don't lose fellowship."  Now it's been a number of years, that I observe Sabbath alone.  I thought of that, actually I think of it often.  What would I be doing on Shabbat, if I hadn't handed him that card?  Would I be enjoying fellowship?  Would my life have turned out differently?

It was then that I simply determined it was time to put away all the questions and realize I am where I am for such a time as this.  Another person's interest or lack thereof is irrelevant.  I still get treated not only like a woman, but like a lady . . . they just aren't my husband and now, that's okay.  As a matter of fact, it's just fine.

From Tomboy to Matriarch

All these attempts to teach children gender confusion is really bothering me.  Children go through natural phases of "not liking" the opposite sex, as well as enjoying the same interests as the opposite sex, but that really isn't a reflection of their sexuality.  Children are being sexualized at a very young age now, and that is, in my book, abuse.  Our children are being robbed of the innocence of childhood.  I truly shudder to think who and how I would be pressured, if I were a child in this day and age.  I was sexually clueless for years.  That may have been due to my multiple personality issue, but the point is, children today are inundated with sexuality from a very early age.

Although my mom was always on me about being more ladylike, and I never wanted to be like my mom, I never wanted to be a boy!  I was a tomboy, loved the outdoors, and followed Daddy everywhere I could, I still never wanted to be a boy.  I had two male cousins, one a year older and one a year younger and although I never gave any serious thought to our difference, I did realize peeing was much more convenient for boys.  They didn't have to take off their shoes to go in the house, and possibly be detained by a parent who wanted them to stay in for awhile . . . Other than that observation, I was pretty happy being a tomboy and knowing I was a girl.

The one difficulty I've had about being female, is the fact that my mother voiced her disapproval, and my sister was the picture of femininity, and we don't get along either. I couldn't play the piano, but lessons were required.  I had to walk across the living room with a book on my head, so I didn't "lope."  Summertime sports beyond swimming or tennis was out of the question.  Absolutely no softball!  I've always enjoyed being a diverse female, but I felt that I just didn't measure up.  I never felt the need to look for female approval.  Now with a husband that doesn't find me desirable, still a very disappointed mother, and one daughter who clearly stated she wouldn't want to be like me, I truly enjoy being the woman I am.  This may sound strange, but I don't respect the opinion of the naysayers, so I'm not defined by their opinion, but what about the children now?  So many are looking for a place to belong.

I still love the outdoors and can handle my share of physical work.  I can't do what a man can, but I am not a man and don't want to be one.  I do love men though!  Interestingly, the majority of men I've known through my life have consistently made the comment, that they've never known a woman like me, but it's never been said negatively toward me or other women, just in a very matter of fact statement.  I'm still an odd woman.  Everyone wants to be loved.  I'd love to be in a loving relationship, and I realize it would take a unique man to love me, but a man, none the less.  As the agenda intensifies, it appears that these children are going to be programmed to believe if someone finds them different, or they don't feel like everyone else, there is a sexual or gender identity issue and that simply is not so.

As the agenda gains momentum there have been many comments about choosing to identify . . . We all know there are little girls growing up that don't feel loved by their mothers.  Will they seek that love, later in a same sex relationship?  Many little boys are growing up with no respectable male role model.  Since the gay agenda has now changed its stand about born that way, to choosing to identify, how many of these children will be recruited simply because the agenda targets them at a certain phase or preys on their insecurities?  To introduce sexuality at a very young age causes nothing but confusion.  This is not about allowing children to express themselves, this is invasive programming, indoctrination, and recruitment!  This is targeting children through natural phases of life, to draw them into an unnatural lifestyle.

If I hadn't been the tomboy I was as a child, I would not be the matriarch I am today!

 

I'm Still a Woman

There is no identity crisis going on, there have just been some gentle, yet awkward reminders that I am still perceived as the weaker sex, with strengths.  It's been nice, but so foreign.  The wonderful thing about this, is it's not been any flirting or "come ons," or even comments about my appearance, but just casual comments made by men in reference to capability, hard work, and the way I care about people, critters, and business.  Those are my attractive qualities!  It's been nice in the past few weeks to hear that those traits are noticed, by the comments conveyed.  I feel attractive when I am appreciated . . .

The different standard between the sexes is a must, in my book.  That is to say, I appreciate the fact that men and women are indeed different and it's not a competition of rights.  Every once in awhile, I remind myself as I'm coming in from chores, that this is how "real women" are supposed to be.  I'm feminine but not dainty.  I'm not fragile, but Scripture does say I'm the weaker vessel, and it's nice when Abba sends someone along to remind me of that fact.

Through the years, I've jokingly referred to myself as my Daddy's un-son.  When he needed help with a project, I was his apprentice.  He probably really didn't need the help at all, but wanted me to know how to be independent.  I grew up knowing, I wasn't considered to be the feminine beauty my mom or sister were, so I needed to be able to take care of myself.  I am a capable woman.  I never play dumb or coy, and I take note that some men feel threatened by capable women.  I've also noticed, as our society continues to decline that some men are willing to take advantage of a capable woman.

Most of the men I deal with are very respectful, and for the most part, it's business dealings.  The guys at the auction are always respectful, as are the feed store owners, and I love the fact the young men at the market call me ma'am.  As I'm writing this, I hope I convey an appreciation for qualities in others that are quickly being diminished in our society.  When a man opens a door for me, I smile and say thank you.  It feels nice to be reminded that I'm still a lady.  I make eye contact with that gentleman!  I read a meme awhile back which said something to the effect that our society has become so rude that good manners are often mistaken for flirtation.

I'm realistic enough to know the difference between good manners and flirtation!  I appreciate good manners.  I've been missing the days of the difference between men and women.  It's been so nice to have been reminded the differences do still exist; and others appreciate, enjoy, and express that as well.