About Aging

 Although I have never seen Star Wars, nor the latest movie, I did find myself following the comments comparing the way Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher have aged.  Our society seems to think men age better than women, but I disagree.  I believe we simply have a different standard by which we judge the sexes.  Some folks do age better than others, and while some may remain attractive, their health isn't necessarily better . . . The late Paul Newman is a perfect example of this statement.  We've allowed ourselves to be programmed by Hollywood, in that men can remain leading men throughout their careers, but a leading woman in her twenties and thirties is usually relegated to supporting actress by the time she hits her forties . . .

I believe this claim is really based on the premise that men are more visual than women, therefore a feminine youthful look is considered to be more attractive.  The truth of the matter is, there is a certain attractiveness in youth that fades as we age, but there is also a light of seasoned wisdom that comes with age which has a different but obvious attraction . . . in both sexes.  Statement of fact, unless a man is aging like Sam Elliot or Denzel Washington, we regular women notice the not so perfect traits of the aging average man, just like men notice our changes.  For the record, Steve Harvey and George Clooney are also aging well.  Obviously I'm using Hollywood as the standard of attractiveness for one simple reason, the names and faces are recognizable to most everyone, and if you don't recognize the name, they can all be "Googled."

We women are quite capable of assessing physical qualities and just like men, we do take note of the deterioration.  Now, this is not all men or all women, but I do think even though both sexes know deterioration does occur, most women would rather not be with someone who is in dramatically better physical shape than they are in.  We've all seen an older guy with a younger woman . . . and admit it, the first thought is, "he must have money."  If he doesn't have money, we begin to analyze what her issues must be . . .  I think our society has programmed or at least encouraged the thinking that a partner is an enhancement of one's own image.  Older men with younger women seem to think the younger woman gives them a more attractive presence.  I'm realistic enough and practical enough to know if I were on the arm of a man, two decades my junior, I'd just look old and silly.

At 57 years of age, I can see that everything on my body is not what or even where it used to be, and although some may still consider me relatively attractive, I'm never mistaken for 30.  I do think men have a greater confidence in their aging process, which may come across as more attractive, or in many cases ignorantly arrogant.  I can't speak for all women, and although we may not be as visual as men, we aren't blind!  I have been somewhat aghast at some folks who really seem to see themselves in a much better light than the rest of us notice.  I've seen middle aged couples that have caused me to wonder more than once, what one must have seen in the other . . . and then I see some who look very much equal in the way they are aging, be that well or . . . equally, not so much.  It's as if they have maintained the same speed and direction.

Sadly, I think our society has just become very superficial.  I know one gal who is always talking about physical appearance and considers herself to be quite attractive.  I refer to her with a special dichotomy.  She is "deeply superficial."  I do not consider myself to be a superficial person, and there is certainly more to a person than their physical appearance.  There is one trait that is absolutely necessary for me to find a man attractive and that is a good strong work ethic.  I don't care what color his hair is, or even if he has hair.  Nor do I care what he does, be it white collar or blue collar, but a work ethic is vital.  At this point in life, I'm blessed to know several retired men who retired from respected careers and remain quite active.

A gal named Donna Lou Stevens wrote a song that is not only entertaining and enjoyable, but speaks the heart of so many women.

Vanity?

I tend to think vanity is used to address a problem in women, while pride is more masculine, although both genders can engage in vanity and pride; and both are bad.  As of late, I've heard everything from a woman shaving her legs to bridgework and false teeth; labeled as vanity.  I'm old enough to remember when women's slacks were considered immodest and skirts had to be at the knee, not to mention the make-up issue.  Now there are the head coverings, swimwear debates, and proper blousing discussions.  Sometimes all this modesty seems to be rather vain.  Some of the modesty these days is beginning to look a bit too Islamic for me.

Invariably the modesty discussions on social media seem to really draw attention to the woman's body, face, and hair style.  I've gotten to the point, perhaps it's age, perhaps it's my track record, I'd just as soon answer all the questions posed, and volunteer all the potential subjects of blackmail that could occur.  Since Mr. B has no qualms about putting me on the spot, and I have one daughter who has a history of publicizing confidentiality, I figure whatever they know could appear on social media at any time.

 I cover my head, but my hair hangs long . . . except when I'm gardening and cooking, for practical reasons.  My hair is long past my waist. It gets hot and in the way in the garden, and nobody wants a four foot strand of hair in their dinner.  Scripture doesn't speak specifically as to the definition of modesty, but does mention a woman's long hair is her glory and to pray or prophesy publicly, her head should be covered.  Some scholars believe that to mean her hair is her covering . . .  Since I'm unsure, I don't cut my hair, and when I'm in public, my head is covered.  I've heard several other viewpoints and I don't argue them, nor do I feel the need to agree.

As for attire, I do wear a skirt and top with an overblouse.  I've read discussions on how high the top should be, the concern about cleavage, etc. when a woman leans over.  One discussion even addressed concern when gardening, that a woman could cause a man to lust by the way she held herself through the weeding or harvesting.  I don't carry it to that degree.  When I get dressed, no cleavage is showing at my neckline . . . as the day wears on, I just hope nothing sags beneath the hemline of my top.  Although I don't publicly announce it, I'm quite buxom and since my kids know my bra size, I don't consider it to be a secret.  Nor do I consider honesty to be immodest.  If somebody wants to know something, just ask.  I don't mind telling the truth, nor do I mind telling someone straight out, "it's none of your business."

I am in a quandary when it comes to swimwear.  I really enjoy swimming, but my last few years as a lifeguard in my early 40s did make me feel a bit self-conscious in the uniform suit.  I've since gone with a sort of swim dress type suit, but I certainly wouldn't even consider trying to swim in the presence of the Torah modesty crowd.  Does that make me a hypocrite?  Maybe . . .  What I have discovered in reading and observing these modesty discussions, is at least for me, I think my modesty is based more upon self-consciousness than morality.  I simply don't see myself as evoking any lustful feelings in any man.

Many of the dresses, skirts, and nearly all of the headcoverings really do seem to be making a fashion statement, and trendy fashion can be quite a display of vanity.  It's as if modesty is a fashion trend, rather than a matter of the heart.  I don't see myself getting into the covering competition or modesty pageant.  I've always considered a modest woman to be one who is dressed appropriately, gracious in her demeanor, and simply unfocused on herself.

I'm Still a Woman

There is no identity crisis going on, there have just been some gentle, yet awkward reminders that I am still perceived as the weaker sex, with strengths.  It's been nice, but so foreign.  The wonderful thing about this, is it's not been any flirting or "come ons," or even comments about my appearance, but just casual comments made by men in reference to capability, hard work, and the way I care about people, critters, and business.  Those are my attractive qualities!  It's been nice in the past few weeks to hear that those traits are noticed, by the comments conveyed.  I feel attractive when I am appreciated . . .

The different standard between the sexes is a must, in my book.  That is to say, I appreciate the fact that men and women are indeed different and it's not a competition of rights.  Every once in awhile, I remind myself as I'm coming in from chores, that this is how "real women" are supposed to be.  I'm feminine but not dainty.  I'm not fragile, but Scripture does say I'm the weaker vessel, and it's nice when Abba sends someone along to remind me of that fact.

Through the years, I've jokingly referred to myself as my Daddy's un-son.  When he needed help with a project, I was his apprentice.  He probably really didn't need the help at all, but wanted me to know how to be independent.  I grew up knowing, I wasn't considered to be the feminine beauty my mom or sister were, so I needed to be able to take care of myself.  I am a capable woman.  I never play dumb or coy, and I take note that some men feel threatened by capable women.  I've also noticed, as our society continues to decline that some men are willing to take advantage of a capable woman.

Most of the men I deal with are very respectful, and for the most part, it's business dealings.  The guys at the auction are always respectful, as are the feed store owners, and I love the fact the young men at the market call me ma'am.  As I'm writing this, I hope I convey an appreciation for qualities in others that are quickly being diminished in our society.  When a man opens a door for me, I smile and say thank you.  It feels nice to be reminded that I'm still a lady.  I make eye contact with that gentleman!  I read a meme awhile back which said something to the effect that our society has become so rude that good manners are often mistaken for flirtation.

I'm realistic enough to know the difference between good manners and flirtation!  I appreciate good manners.  I've been missing the days of the difference between men and women.  It's been so nice to have been reminded the differences do still exist; and others appreciate, enjoy, and express that as well.