Uplifting Illumination

The house is clean, and that makes me happy. I wish it would stay like this until I clean for the autumn High Holy Days, but alas . . . I do know it will stay cleaner this spring and summer than it did last year, though. I even cleaned a closet that I hadn't intended to go through. Oh, I of course, vacuumed and all that, but suddenly Sunday night after publishing the Goshen Gazette, I just felt moved to sort through some clothes I hadn't worn in awhile. I got rid of quite a few tops that just weren't going to be practical any more. I kept thinking I'd be wearing them at some point, but after this long, that point has not come and someone else could be getting some good out of them, now. So most of my silk blouses are now property of the local Thrift Store. I did keep all my yellow tops though, for sentimental reasons! Yellow has been my favorite color for years and years and now instead of rose colored glasses that cloud discernment, the yellow reminds me to stay in the light! It was at that point the illumination hit me!

WARNING: This blog will now be addressing the mature subject of feminine foundation-wear. I am not exactly built like the average woman, and finding over-sized tops is not an easy venture, especially in Second Hand stores, so I was delighted to be putting together a rather large donation of blouses in good condition! The memory then entered my thinking about finding a great bargain on some foundation garments last summer. For those who may or may not know, good foundation garments for well endowed women can run between $50 and $80 each. Due to the cost, the difficulty in finding them, and my self-consciousness, I usually wear them completely out. Three things happened this summer, however; that all accumulated before me to change a basic perception I've had of myself for more than 40 years.

First, when I got the great bargain this summer, by mail order, my granddaughters were here and love to open packages, so since they asked, I of course, let them open the package. Their mom, who enjoys a very slight and willowy figure, took the opportunity to mock, which she calls humor. She put on one of the new items and then told my granddaughter who was standing near where I keep the dish towels to hand her a couple of towels. With that my granddaughter headed down the hall to get bath towels. I called her back, which just added to the "hilarity" . . . and amazingly, I lived through it.

Then there was the amazing artist who illustrated my website and when he was trying to get me to give him permission to use a picture of me, I suggested a caricature. I told him to feel free, and well "Liztoon" is "alive" and a "full presence" at The Land of Goshen. I actually felt good about myself as a cartoon. It gave me enough distance from my own poor self-image that I began to open myself up to hear YHWH.

My third experience was in speaking with a friend by phone who had seen one of my vlogs or videos and we got to talking weight. She just casually mentioned, very kindly the "probable difference" in our shapes and nothing more was said on the topic. It was then that YHWH told me, "I made you the way you are. I created your body." So, I've given all this background to share this fact.

I was blessed to receive a bargain this summer, and I don't need to wear out the other ones, before I open these new ones. It dawned on me, there are never brassieres this size at thrift stores for probably the same reason I've had, and I do not think it's due to lack of need. They are expensive, and not quickly replaced. So with that, I saw the difference between being a good steward, being a self-conscious idiot, and hording.

Somewhere there may be some woman who has had the same thoughts I've had all these years, or a young woman who is developing a poor self image from peer comments and advertising. Our society is inundated with images of what a woman is supposed to look like, when clearly none of us look alike! YHWH didn't use cookie cutters in creation, He created each of us uniquely, and we peculiar princesses need to realize peculiar and unique can be special. I feel this is a double portion blessing that will give beyond what I have received. I got great bras for less than $50.00 each and I'm finally over being self-conscious about my appearance. And I'm truly glad to think some woman will just be thrilled to find foundation garments and silk blouses for a buxom princess.

What's a Nice Girl Like Me Doing With All This Junk?

House cleaning for Passover is not just the usual vacuum tracks and dust around the stuff, deal. It's serious business, closets and windows and all! I have a method, but to be honest, it always gets derailed along the way, just a bit. I still get there, but what begins with a very "doable" schedule ends up down to the wire before the 13th becomes the 14th. Let me explain.

I am not a procrastinator, but there is just always a new find that is months long forgotten that needs to be addressed. For instance, and this year I remembered it before I stumbled upon it. I got one of those long scarf valances for my inventory room, last year, but then I couldn't find the rod that fit where I was going to hang it, and . . . you get the picture. So, by the time everything was gathered properly, I decided it was close enough to Passover cleaning to just wait and do it while I went through the inventory room . . . It's not like deep cleaning isn't a big enough project, I schedule add-ons.

This year, though, I've got it scheduled in, hopefully, there won't be too many surprises. Last year, I had it all nice and clean and was maintaining well, when the summer swarm arrived and well, I think I finally have all that cleaned and pitched or mailed, probably not in the right order, but done, none the less. Yet, I digress.

Back to the reality that every year I tell myself I have more stuff than I need. And every year that is correct! Why do we think we need so much stuff? I made the mistake of buying two skirts this year, new no less, which is completely out of character for me. They were on clearance, but still, I caved in to peer pressure in hopes of doing what "women do together," shop! And now, I just feel dumb and wish I had the money to spend elsewhere. Not only did I buy clothes I didn't need, the person I was with totally embarrassed me when I introduced them to a friend who was working at the dress shop. So, anyway, I have two new skirts and the bright side is, if they are as high a quality as the ones I bought from the Thrift Store, over 15 years ago, I may have these the rest of my life! So there's that.

This year, I'm not just getting rid of leaven, I'm getting rid of some stuff that when it was given to me, I had put on that "stoic gracious look, when in my head, I was thinking, what's the deal?" This year, I'm getting rid of all "what's the deal" stuff! I truly believe that this Passover marks the end of the bondage of "life as expected." Every page I turn in Scripture is more than expectation, and certainly the meaning is more than meets the eye.

This year in my Passover housecleaning, I'm throwing out all the mementos of social pressure and traditional protocol!

Still A Princess After All These Years

I realize there is big debate about the celebration of birthdays amongst the Torah Observant believers. Some say it's pagan to celebrate anything not specified in Torah, others are not quite so dogmatic. I don't spend much time on that debate at all. I don't celebrate the "biggies" that are clearly taught against. I don't set up a Christmas tree and say it's for Messiah. I don't color eggs and say I'm celebrating the resurrection. I do, however; celebrate Hanukkah and Purim, in a rather low key fashion, and Passover is one of the Big Events, and clearly the first Holy Day of YHWH's new year, as well as the Holy Day that brought salvation. Y'hshuwah was crucified on Passover, and so every year I do it in remembrance that "Yah is salvation."

Now, as for the less important matters like birthdays. I enjoy rejoicing in life and I praise our Creator for life. I don't, personally, see an issue in noting the annual milestones in life, we call birthdays. As a matter of fact, I checked. My date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is actually mentioned in the Bible, in the book of Esther, and it just so happens to coincide with the writing of this blog today on the Gregorian calendar. Here is my present opinion of birthdays and the celebration thereof.

I like to take one day of the year to be alone or at least totally unencumbered by obligations. My birthday on the Hebrew calandar, I spend focusing on accomplishments or yet to be fulfilled goals of the past year. I like to sort of take an inventory before YHWH, as to progress made and progress needed. This year, I found a place that self still reared it's ugly head, and it was sadly burdensome even to me, so it was both a great and terrible awareness. I had to let go of and lay down some things I thought I was supposed to accomplish, only to discover He had a plan to already fill that "deadness" with HIS purpose. I'm so glad shame and failure of the "proper protocol" has finally been laid to rest.

Since I've been homesteading, YHWH has also blessed me every year with a gift on my birthday on the Gregorian calendar. I think the fact that it happens every year is a reminder of the reflective time between the date on His calendar and the current business as usual one. I also think it's a blessed reminder that it is He who gives us life and regardless of who is celebrating or sending gifts or not calling or not gifting is irrelevant. Life comes from him, and birthdays are the day we acknowledge a new life, so it's nice to be reminded every year that life is precious to our Creator and as this Princess ages, I find those gifts from Him more valuable than any party, candles, or well wishes.

Essentially, a birthday doesn't have to be a big bash to be a notable mile marker. At this time, I intend to celebrate YHWH and give thanks for the life He has given me and rejoice in the fact, by His great design, one day does not just blur into the next and one month doesn't just fall into the next, and each year doesn't just move forward in pointless oblivion. When it comes to being a child of the Most High, even an "old princess" has reason to celebrate.

Rainwater Rinse For a Princess

I am a hand-maid of the Most High G-d, therefore I have very long hair. My desire is, in paradise after the resurrection, to be able to wash Messiah's feet and dry them with my hair . . . Since I have no idea regarding my numbered days, I want to be prepared, so I don't cut it. That has not always been the case, but it has been for 9 years, now. I cut the hair dye off my hair, leaving it pretty short at the time in late February 2004, so here it is the anniversary of my last hair cut! It's amazing how quickly hair will grow. It's now long enough to sit on and I don't dare try to sleep without it held in some sort of tie or braid. The other part of this long hair, is it's silver and I don't pin it up, except in the hot summer time when gardening or canning. I wear it down . . . It makes me feel feminine!

Now I've given all this background info, for really no apparent reason, other than to say, I consider it a blessing to have long hair and I use, of course, my natural shampoo on it and sometimes I'm blessed with a rain water rinse. I prefer those in the spring and summer, but today was an exception.

I did chores this morning as efficiently as possible as a winter storm is heading this way. I wanted to make sure all the critters had adequate food and shelter and the new arrivals were safely tucked in with their mamas. There was a new set of twins again this morning and I was pretty sure they belonged to my grandson's not so great mama goat. She was bottle fed as a baby, because her mama was not so great, either, so this poor little goat, once she's got the baby dry, she sort of goes free range on us. This year she had twins, well I was pretty sure they were hers, although everyone's expecting! As per her custom, the babies were tucked in dry and looking fed, and she's wandering . . . I got her back to her babies, finished up chores, came in to get my hair washed, so it would have time to almost be dry by evening chores. I don't have to wash it every day, but the days I do, drying is an all day affair. Since it was 40 degrees, I wanted it to be as dry as possible before evening. Well, that's not how it worked out, although the as the rain continues, it's looking all together likely, I'll get a second rain water rinse tonight.

I happened to look out the window as I was tending to dishes after my shower with the towel on my head, when I saw one of the new babies out in the rain, crying. Well, princess or not, wet head or not, I couldn't leave that baby out crying in the rain, so I grabbed my coat, threw off the towel and headed out doors. In the little house were two big goats and one little baby. I saw my grandson's mama goat stop at the crying baby, give him a little drink and head to her little house, baby in tow. As I approached the pen, what I saw was a complete and delightful surprise. This little pygmy mama that never seemed to really catch on to motherhood, ran those two big goats out of her house and had her baby tucked in with her in no time at all.

I got to their little house, in the rain, in time to see both babies enjoying a mid morning snack! Mama got ahold of motherhood, babies had warm milk, and this princess had a rainwater rinse.