Beauty from Ashes

Life hasn't exactly turned out the way I expected it to, or to be truly honest; the way I'd hoped it would.  I struggled with that for a time, I mean struggled, literally with YHWH.  I now walk like Jacob . . . But there is a firm reality within me, that may not have ever come to be, had it all turned out "happily ever after," by our societal standards.

I am truly looking forward to these High Holy Days that are coming up.  I feel like it's going to finally close the door on some old sadness and open the door to some very bright opportunities.  I truly, in my heart of hearts, could not be sorrier for the things I did before I came to YHWH in Y'hshuwah.  I also, could not be more grateful to know I've been forgiven by Him.  

I still remember Him asking me if I was willing to give up everything I thought I knew . . . That was a much bigger question than I realized and my answer, "Yes," was a much bigger statement than I could have possibly realized.  I think, of all the doctrine, I thought was sound, the only three things I still believe are.  1.  Our Creator is Supreme over all, and now I am blessed to know His Name, which is translated in English; YHWH.  2.  His Son did come to show us how to live, and to give Himself for us, that we can be forgiven and follow Him.  3.  He's coming again.

Everything else has changed, and changed dramatically!   I do not believe in OSAS.  I'm not expecting a pretribulation rapture.  I do not believe in being stuck in our sinful mistakes, nor am I expecting YHWH to fix all the mistakes I made before I came to Him.  Some things I did, I simply have acknowledge the mistake, accept the consequences, and let go of the condemnation.  I am reminded many times over of the Patriarchs in my life.

I've already compared my wrestling with the similar results of Jacob.  I am frequently reminded of the number of times Abraham took matters into his own hands.  He lied about his wife, not once but twice, and then we're all familiar with the child outside of G-d's plan . . . While we all like to cling to the promise of Abraham, we sometimes forget the covenant responsibility he carried to be called YHWH's friend.

I've come to accept the fact that I won't be nominated for "Mother of the Year!"   Having gotten an early start as "the Woman at the Well," a loving earthly marriage isn't likely in the plan for me, but I have a wonderful Bridegroom who adores me and is coming back for me!   In accepting the fact that I simply cannot make these matters right.  My effort doesn't even meet societal standards!  But, I've discovered G-d has a different standard.  To earn approval is nice, but to be loved and forgiven is unsurpassed.

I've learned being content in all things, is to experience the beauty; and it's not my job to clean up the ashes!  HalleluYah!

On My Way

I believe our testimonies should be ongoing.  I never enjoyed those, "I remember 25 years ago . . ."  Those testimonies are precious, but we need allow YHWH to provide His people with as many current events as the will of man and love of money is coming up with.  With that being said, I have to share the next portion of the move with a qualifying statement.  With less than 50 miles to go, to complete the entire transaction, cashier's check in hand, I very clearly saw a pillar of cloud.  It was almost due south, just a tad to the west.

Immediately, doubt flooded my mind.  I wasn't doubting G-d, oh no!  I began to entertain the idea that I'd "jumped the gun" and made a wrong decision.  Seriously, after everything that had gone so right, and so blessed, I began to wonder if I'd made a mistake.  I've mentioned before, just how insecure and unsure of myself, I am.  Allowing myself to receive victory to overcome my own inferiority complex and lack of confidence has been quite a journey of surrender for me.  So, here I am in the passenger seat, pointing out the pillar of cloud to my husband.  Just like with the pillar of fire, he had some "explanation" that simply held no logic, so I didn't pursue the conversation any further.

It was then that the reality truly began to kick in for me.  My life was not based upon my confidence in me or in any longer taking the blame, automatically.  I simply spoke to YHWH and stated, if I've missed something or gotten out of order, please stop the direction and momentum.  I don't care what I lose financially, or in a relationship.  I had been praying every step of the way, and truly believe this to have been ordered by my Creator.  Such a peace washed over me.  I remembered a preacher friend of mine, saying, "G-d didn't bring you this far to drop you now."

Little did I realize at the time, even with naming the place EinGedi, which was an oasis, not a destination, that this would be a place of refreshment and further preparation . . .  I had so much to learn, and in His mercy, He was going to allow me a few baby steps.

Now there are homestead blogs all over the internet and Torah Observant groups, but frequently those two don't overlap greatly.  Eight years ago, I didn't have an understanding about milking around resting on Sabbath and the difference between gardens and fields.  I didn't know how to make agrarian offerings, and how to count the herds and flocks as to which ones belong to YHWH.  Oh, I'd read it, but I can attest to this fact. I soon discovered, not only did I need to read and re-read, Torah, I'd still have to consult the Author and need the power of His Great Spirit in the accomplishment of the practical app.  Y'hshuwah gave many agricultural parables, but I had a lot of questions.

I'm so thankful He allowed me to start out small . . .

The Oasis, for a Time

I was so excited to be officially moving!  The terms were arranged and the closing date was set for June 1st.  I headed back on Preparation Day, with even more than Sabbath for which to prepare.  The downside was, we owned four pieces of property that needed to be sold and had owner financed two others.  So, as well as packing to move, there was some serious real estate that needed to move as well.  Although, I now refer to it as the down side, it really wasn't at the time, it was just a matter of seeing what YHWH had planned for tying up the loose ends.  I did need to start packing, though!

I have to admit, I was still wondering if my husband was staying or going, as every time the packing began, he just disappeared to one of the other properties.  The realtors were very quiet, as in very few enquiries.  The month was moving right along, as I was preparing for the deal.  With a holiday at the end of the month, I was so glad to have the extra day . . . then the realtor called.  By the enthusiasm in her voice, I knew whatever the news would be a new hurdle in my progress.  Sure enough, 'she knew how excited we were to close this deal, so she'd taken the opportunity to move it up a day.'  Don't you just love it when people who are clueless make decisions for everyone?  Whoops, that sounds like Congress!

I hadn't told anyone but the realtors with the listings of my plans.  Before leaving for this trek, I'd heard from YHWH that a family member had a problem that was about to be made known, so I hadn't mentioned anything to anyone about this new adventure.  I just kept my nose to the grindstone as there was a lot to get done, by the end of the month.

With the extra day no longer on the table, that meant, YHWH's plan was unfolding differently than I expected.  It was easy to just accept the changes as being truly part of the plan!  With that, I continued on in determining what I'd keep, what I'd sell, and what I'd give away.  All in all, when it was all said and done, one box of books was never accounted for.

There were two CDs that matured toward the end of the month and I knew it would take the hand of YHWH to have that cash without penalty and be at the other end of the state with a Cashier's Check in hand, by early afternoon, the last day of May.  I'm not one to talk about money as blessing very often, but this truly was the hand of YHWH.   The date of maturity on one CD ended up falling on Shabbat, before the Monday holiday, which would have left all the financial arrangements to begin Tuesday morning after 9, with a closing at time of 2:30, over 225 miles away.  I'll admit that made me just a tad nervous for a minute.  Then I set the "fear" aside and asked YHWH what He wanted me to do.  So simple.  He reminded me that the banking day changed at 2 in the afternoon, call and ask if it would be possible . . .

Well, of course, was the response and she wanted to hear all about the big move!  They'd see me Friday afternoon.  Following that conversation, the phone rang.  The realtor wanted to show the properties, all of them.

The Second Contract

As the realtor droned on in my ear about why I had to do all of my real estate transactions through her, I thought of the old Charlie Brown specials when I was a kid.  Remember when the comic strip came to television specials and the adult's voices were a metallic "wha wha . . .wha wha wha wha ?"  That's exactly how she sounded, until . . .

She said, the realtor that knew what she was doing, well that's my description, she simply said the agent from the other office had called and contacted her people.  She was expecting a call from her at any time we could come back to her office and wait.  As tempting as her offer was, I'd have preferred a root canal while waiting, so I told her my husband wanted to look at the place again and asked her politely to please call me when she'd heard from the other realtor.

We went on toward Fairview and I just couldn't understand how he couldn't see the barrenness.  It was only early May and there were already irrigation rigs in the fields.  If there is a little desert in Missouri, it's outside of Newtonia between Stark City and Fairview.  As he drove toward this place, I pointed out that the city limit sign indicated this place was actually in the city limits.  His response was something to the effect of being able to live in a town that was like living in the country . . . best of both worlds sort of statement.  I have to admit, I was certainly seeing it as the worst of both worlds.

I then asked if we could go look at the other place while we waited for the phone call.  He was cordially agreeable.  Before we got there, however; the phone rang.  It was the realtor to which we were legally bound, and it felt like bondage!  She said she'd heard from everyone and would like to discuss our options.

We headed straight to her office, foregoing the run back to the place of the vision.  We entered her office and she began immediately to address the place my husband had chosen.  It truly felt like my brain was bouncing off of the walls of my skull.  I could not believe that even after phone calls, and the other realtor, those facts appeared to be irrelevant.  She proceeded to tell my husband, since the people had just reduced their asking price, she felt they would find an offer of a couple more thousand, acceptable.

I then asked if she'd heard from the other realtor.  She said she had and if we chose to pursue that, she could draw up a contract and the other realtor would take care of renewing the listing.  I knew better than to even ask my question aloud, but "What are we waiting for?" completely reverberated in my head.  I then looked at my husband, and he was just staring.  I presented a simple idea.  We could offer the same amount to these other people.  The realtor immediately reminded me that their asking price was several thousand dollars more and they had allowed their contract to expire, whereas the first contract people were seriously looking to sell.

My thought was, if they were seriously trying to sell, they'd have accepted our cash offer.  That's right, I forgot to mention, we were dealing in cash with this deal, so that meant minimal paperwork for everyone involved would have money in their pocket instantly.  No waiting for loan approval, no sixty day credit checks, no nothing.  It would all be a done deal as soon as the Title Company could process the deed, and set the date.

I smiled at her in what was I'm sure a rather icy dismissive expression and looked at my husband.  I, repeated my suggestion and awaited his response.  There was some attempt at discussion and "what ifs."  My response was simple.  If they don't accept it, we're out nothing and we can then, consider the next move.  With that, the realtor began a new contract and my husband quit thinking up potential problems.  The only change was the address of the property.  Everything else stood as it was on the first contract.  We signed the new contract offer, I didn't even have to write a new check, and got up to leave.

She said, if she heard back before 7 that evening, she'd call us.  I smiled at her and said, she would.  With that we left.  My husband asked if I was ready to go back to the room and wait for the call, but I suggested we go ahead and go look at the place as planned before the call came in.  That was agreeable and we headed out Old Scenic Drive.  Once, outside of town, Old Scenic Drive followed the path of Shoal Creek.  The road was lined with trees, their leaves lush and green from being watered by the creek and I thought of the Scriptures that mention trees planted by streams.

It could not have been more dramatic.  As we rounded the curve right before the drive, the phone rang.  It was the realtor.  The people had accepted our offer!  As we turned into the drive way, this was no longer a real estate listing, this was home.  

                                                                                photo is the finest well house in Newton County