I certainly can't complain about my health. Like most folks in my age range, there are a few things that just don't work like they used to. Also like many folks, I certainly wish I'd taken better care of myself when I was younger. If I were a vehicle, I'd say I put on too many miles on rough terrain and now the warranty is up, but thankfully I'm a work of the Creator's hand. I'm doing a lot more than many and certainly feel better than I deserve to.
My grand uncle used to say he'd rather wear out as rust out . . . which brings me to this week's topic. I've mentioned before that I have MS and RA. I don't suffer nearly as bad as many do with these auto-immune diseases, but these afflictions do remind me of their presence, regularly. This past week, the RA really made itself known, thus the title. The rheumatoid arthritis knocked me for a bit of a loop. I still got my pumpkin canned and met my usual responsibilities; well most of them, but I was in pain. I didn't have as much strength as I'm used to and I found myself struggling with tasks that had never before been an issue. Now when that happens, the first thought that invades my brain is the idea that it may never get better. It's always going to be this difficult and painful. I do my best to cast that thought out, as that is just borrowing trouble. I'm not a good patient. I get on my own nerves when I don't feel up to par.
You may disagree with me on this, but I believe most acquired illness has a spiritual root, and emotional factors. I'm not talking about congenital issues, but acquired issues. There are just too many examples in Scripture in which Messiah connected wellness and forgiveness; to ignore. Then there is the fact that in the Hebrew Scriptures, the people were instructed to present their maladies to the High Priest, not to mention James 5:15. As a natural health practitioner, I always seek our Creator in helping others and I've done some real soul searching regarding my own health.
I fully attribute my MS to internally melting down as a coping mechanism. It may be something else for others, but that makes total sense in my life and situation. In handling this disease from that perspective, I've let go of a number of battles that are not mine and although Abba has not chosen to grant me a full healing at this time, I'm very blessed to continue to be quite functional. My gait is a bit awkward, and I'm a bit of a klutz, but I rarely suffer the fatigue so many experience. I've dealt with many others who suffer RA and there is nearly always an underlying embrace and rejection issue. A sort of push/pull situation in their life. As it turns out, I'm not 'an exception to this theory.
As I've sought to have Abba's love in me, or to love as He loves, the reality has hit that I'm still guarded in a few areas of this endeavor. He's placed me in the perfect situations to love without necessarily being loved in return, or worse, but I'm not yet fully trusting His protection in those situations. This emotional push pull reality is more of a spiritual outreach or attempted embrace, then shield, withdraw or recoil. It's not easy to do what Messiah did and what He taught. This "loving our enemy" business is painful, especially when we try to protect ourselves. Hopefully, now that I've actually recognized it, I'll be able to love without fear, and trust Abba for the protection. This is not a "name it and claim it," "blab it and grab it," "declare and decree" statement, but a simple statement of fact of faith. RA will not continue to make this princess feel puny!
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Something Special
The week of Sukkot was wonderful. The entire seventh month was just so very special. It always is, but this year seemed especially spiritual and significant. With all the uncertainty in the world right now, it was very comforting and reassuring to know these Feast Days of YHUH are forever! There is a time coming in which we'll all be celebrating in the physical presence of Y'hshuah. There's also a time coming in which we'll all be celebrating on the same days!
At this point in my walk, I observe the concealed moon as the first day of the new month. I've observed others along the way, but this one seems right to me. Of course, the others did too, at the time, which is why I'm saying, "at this point." There have consistently been three days between my celebration of Yom Teruah and those who go by the sighted sliver, with those who maintain the new month at the lunar conjunction, between the two. This got me thinking about the seventh month and the fact that even though we aren't all on the same date, there are many celebrating and that covers nearly the entire month.
As previously mentioned there were four days in which someone was celebrating Yom Teruah. That means the last celebration of Yom Teruah was less than a week before the first folks would be observing Yom Kippur. By the time those four days of observance were accomplished, the very next day would be the first day of Sukkot for those who keep the concealed moon calculations. Yesterday would have been the final day of Sukkot for the sighted sliver "folk" while it was the 25th day on the calendar I keep. I'm saying all this for two really great reasons . . . I think.
First, it was so wonderful to speak with others celebrating on a different day and none of us argued our own observation, we simply wished each other Happy Holy Days. The second observation, I've made this year is just how many days were truly set apart by those seeking to celebrate these appointed times. There are less than ten days in this entire month that were not set apart by someone! That doesn't even cover the people who are keeping other calendars and celebrated earlier.
I'm not suggesting that the specific day doesn't matter, but rather we all truly are trying to please Abba and not be divisive! It seems the desire for holiness is superseding the need to be right and that is something special!
At this point in my walk, I observe the concealed moon as the first day of the new month. I've observed others along the way, but this one seems right to me. Of course, the others did too, at the time, which is why I'm saying, "at this point." There have consistently been three days between my celebration of Yom Teruah and those who go by the sighted sliver, with those who maintain the new month at the lunar conjunction, between the two. This got me thinking about the seventh month and the fact that even though we aren't all on the same date, there are many celebrating and that covers nearly the entire month.
As previously mentioned there were four days in which someone was celebrating Yom Teruah. That means the last celebration of Yom Teruah was less than a week before the first folks would be observing Yom Kippur. By the time those four days of observance were accomplished, the very next day would be the first day of Sukkot for those who keep the concealed moon calculations. Yesterday would have been the final day of Sukkot for the sighted sliver "folk" while it was the 25th day on the calendar I keep. I'm saying all this for two really great reasons . . . I think.
First, it was so wonderful to speak with others celebrating on a different day and none of us argued our own observation, we simply wished each other Happy Holy Days. The second observation, I've made this year is just how many days were truly set apart by those seeking to celebrate these appointed times. There are less than ten days in this entire month that were not set apart by someone! That doesn't even cover the people who are keeping other calendars and celebrated earlier.
I'm not suggesting that the specific day doesn't matter, but rather we all truly are trying to please Abba and not be divisive! It seems the desire for holiness is superseding the need to be right and that is something special!
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Feeling Free
It seems the time before the High Holy Days and the external circumstances around them, become even more stressful as the end of days unfold. These past few weeks, I've apparently disappointed a few folk, and they've been quite verbal in their expression. My main concern, of course, is whether or not I've disappointed my Heavenly Father or our precious Messiah. As it turns out, this year, much of the verbalized disappointment is nothing more than false accusations. I'm not claiming perfection, here, but simply acknowledging the fact some folks are just disappointed in their own expectations and believe it is their right to vent. That's not my business. I'm finding the need to seek Abba in some other areas of my life that I feel need improvement or change. The opinions of others is something I've finally received victory over! HalleluYah!
Nearly three years ago, Abba told me to enlarge the tent. Things seemed to finally be going fairly well with the family, but as we all know appearances can be deceiving. The expansion plan was under way in no time, and I really hoped I knew who would be needing the space. Within two months of the project, with one room completed and the other nearing completion, the worst revelation imaginable came to me and came clearly. Although, now in looking back, it could have been worse. I could have stepped out of Abba's Will, and realized the truth, after the fact! Thank G-d for the revelation! In that revelation, I learned I can be cordial, I can be gracious, even helpful, but without compromise. When the pressure was turned up, I refused to back down. As it turns out, the truth that was always lying just under the surface, became known and that was that. No turning back, no looking back, and finally true peace in that fact. This taught me a great deal about dealing with many less traumatic events and relationships in life.
According to Messiah's parable, there are four kinds of people. Many Torah based prayer books confirm this. So, basically we all fit into one of four categories. What I've learned, however; is not so much to categorize people, but to recognize what people prefer to emit or display and my own reaction to certain instances. It has greatly reduced the stress, but it hasn't done a lot for my popularity or appearance of normal.
1. If a person is reaching out in searching for truth, reach back with the reason for the hope that is in me. These are the people who need encouragement! Effort expended in other areas can actually rob us of the energy for this precious task.
2. If a person is venting about someone else, be careful in what is said, as only one side of the story is being told, and there are always two sides to any story, often a third.
3. If a person appears to be skimming over the issues or making a goal of searching, it's basically superficial so as always, hope for the best but avoid expectations.
4. If the person is directly accusatory or comes across as a self-proclaimed victim, realize for the time being, they already have the script written . . . there is no need to introduce any different concepts. I've learned and continue to learn . . . to acknowledge their feelings, without taking part in the acceptance or dispersal of blame.
In dealing with people from those four approaches, I find I'm not so unstable or unsteady. I can assess the situation and respond according to what is appropriate. When I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong, but I do not let anyone else put the words in my mouth. When I apologize and I frequently do, I apologize for what I understand I've done wrong and seek forgiveness of that for which I'm repentant. It isn't always the same thing as the accusation! I've come to realize that apologizing for every accusation or feeling like I must always be on egg shells or defensive, is a very dishonest way to live. Facing the truth and standing on that truth, is really quite freeing.
Nearly three years ago, Abba told me to enlarge the tent. Things seemed to finally be going fairly well with the family, but as we all know appearances can be deceiving. The expansion plan was under way in no time, and I really hoped I knew who would be needing the space. Within two months of the project, with one room completed and the other nearing completion, the worst revelation imaginable came to me and came clearly. Although, now in looking back, it could have been worse. I could have stepped out of Abba's Will, and realized the truth, after the fact! Thank G-d for the revelation! In that revelation, I learned I can be cordial, I can be gracious, even helpful, but without compromise. When the pressure was turned up, I refused to back down. As it turns out, the truth that was always lying just under the surface, became known and that was that. No turning back, no looking back, and finally true peace in that fact. This taught me a great deal about dealing with many less traumatic events and relationships in life.
According to Messiah's parable, there are four kinds of people. Many Torah based prayer books confirm this. So, basically we all fit into one of four categories. What I've learned, however; is not so much to categorize people, but to recognize what people prefer to emit or display and my own reaction to certain instances. It has greatly reduced the stress, but it hasn't done a lot for my popularity or appearance of normal.
1. If a person is reaching out in searching for truth, reach back with the reason for the hope that is in me. These are the people who need encouragement! Effort expended in other areas can actually rob us of the energy for this precious task.
2. If a person is venting about someone else, be careful in what is said, as only one side of the story is being told, and there are always two sides to any story, often a third.
3. If a person appears to be skimming over the issues or making a goal of searching, it's basically superficial so as always, hope for the best but avoid expectations.
4. If the person is directly accusatory or comes across as a self-proclaimed victim, realize for the time being, they already have the script written . . . there is no need to introduce any different concepts. I've learned and continue to learn . . . to acknowledge their feelings, without taking part in the acceptance or dispersal of blame.
In dealing with people from those four approaches, I find I'm not so unstable or unsteady. I can assess the situation and respond according to what is appropriate. When I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong, but I do not let anyone else put the words in my mouth. When I apologize and I frequently do, I apologize for what I understand I've done wrong and seek forgiveness of that for which I'm repentant. It isn't always the same thing as the accusation! I've come to realize that apologizing for every accusation or feeling like I must always be on egg shells or defensive, is a very dishonest way to live. Facing the truth and standing on that truth, is really quite freeing.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Not Esther?
What woman doesn't like to feel a little "princessy" once in awhile. I've never been one to enjoy the thought of just being ornamental, which as it turns out, is good. Otherwise, life would have been a real let down! Porcelain doll, I'm not, and kid gloves are not required but once in awhile, I'd still like to be "handled with care." That is not a loaded statement or one of innuendo, just once in awhile, a little pampering would be nice . . . I think. Not even pampering, just a comforting touch! That's it, a comforting touch. Again, let me reiterate; I miss ((HUGS))!
I've really been searching these past few years about the change I've sensed coming. I almost wrote soul searching, and for a time, I was quite introspective, but that was years ago. I've been searching and seeking Abba's answers in some strangely unresolved questions and situations for some time now, and all of the things He's brought to me and said, He'd already shown me, I just wasn't ready to see it. As it turns out, after praying to "Live the Bible," Abba has shown me passages that were "all mine." That's not to discount others, but simply passages that leapt off the page to me, for introspection, implementation, or experience.
In all honesty, I've not been the best of servants, but I've been outspoken and obedient to the point of being the target of false accusations and rejection. I truly do seek Abba that I may handle it graciously, but it hurts. It not only hurts my "human feelings," it hurts me that Messiah is disrespected and YHWH is discounted, as our society clings to traditions and self-defined images. When I pour out my tears on my couch as David mentioned in the Psalms, more than once, I've told Y'hshuwah, I need to feel his strong gentle touch. I need a hug! I just want to feel his big strong carpenter arms around me, and hear Him say, "Well done, I understand." It is then that he shows me, he is also hurt. While I'm sniveling about hurt feelings from some rant; He suffered, bled, and died for me as well as that ranting individual. He doesn't admonish me, nor condescend, but rather in His gentle, calming outstretched arms, I see the scars. It certainly puts my "human feelings" in perspective.
So, being "princessy" in the fairy tale sense is not my call, but I do know, it's not the princess part that is errant, but the fairy tale expectation; that is. Princess is not defined by earthly task or position, but rather simply by being a daughter of the King. I still remember hearing a sermon based upon Esther 4:14, knowing it was spoken to me, personally. As I reread Esther yet again, I rediscovered; her position as queen, not princess, was only for a greater work. She was placed in an unequally yoked position. Thankfully, my identity in Y'hshuwah has not been kept secret. I've been able to be open about my beliefs, quite open about my call, and my purpose.
As I look out the window and listen to the sounds of the homestead, I smile. This task to which I'm called, is the one for which Abba created me and equipped me. I can't imagine existing in the "kept life" that Esther lived . . . in a harem. Most of her time as queen was actually spent with tens, perhaps even hundreds of other women. Oy vey! How ill suited, I would be for that task. Some days may become wearisome in the need to be strong and sturdy, but He provides the strength! This is my place in the Kingdom for such a time as this.
I've really been searching these past few years about the change I've sensed coming. I almost wrote soul searching, and for a time, I was quite introspective, but that was years ago. I've been searching and seeking Abba's answers in some strangely unresolved questions and situations for some time now, and all of the things He's brought to me and said, He'd already shown me, I just wasn't ready to see it. As it turns out, after praying to "Live the Bible," Abba has shown me passages that were "all mine." That's not to discount others, but simply passages that leapt off the page to me, for introspection, implementation, or experience.
In all honesty, I've not been the best of servants, but I've been outspoken and obedient to the point of being the target of false accusations and rejection. I truly do seek Abba that I may handle it graciously, but it hurts. It not only hurts my "human feelings," it hurts me that Messiah is disrespected and YHWH is discounted, as our society clings to traditions and self-defined images. When I pour out my tears on my couch as David mentioned in the Psalms, more than once, I've told Y'hshuwah, I need to feel his strong gentle touch. I need a hug! I just want to feel his big strong carpenter arms around me, and hear Him say, "Well done, I understand." It is then that he shows me, he is also hurt. While I'm sniveling about hurt feelings from some rant; He suffered, bled, and died for me as well as that ranting individual. He doesn't admonish me, nor condescend, but rather in His gentle, calming outstretched arms, I see the scars. It certainly puts my "human feelings" in perspective.
So, being "princessy" in the fairy tale sense is not my call, but I do know, it's not the princess part that is errant, but the fairy tale expectation; that is. Princess is not defined by earthly task or position, but rather simply by being a daughter of the King. I still remember hearing a sermon based upon Esther 4:14, knowing it was spoken to me, personally. As I reread Esther yet again, I rediscovered; her position as queen, not princess, was only for a greater work. She was placed in an unequally yoked position. Thankfully, my identity in Y'hshuwah has not been kept secret. I've been able to be open about my beliefs, quite open about my call, and my purpose.
As I look out the window and listen to the sounds of the homestead, I smile. This task to which I'm called, is the one for which Abba created me and equipped me. I can't imagine existing in the "kept life" that Esther lived . . . in a harem. Most of her time as queen was actually spent with tens, perhaps even hundreds of other women. Oy vey! How ill suited, I would be for that task. Some days may become wearisome in the need to be strong and sturdy, but He provides the strength! This is my place in the Kingdom for such a time as this.
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