Whining

I've been whining for some time now to Abba, about the fact Mr. B doesn't treat me like a woman.  I've taken it quite personally and very hard.  I've never been treated this way before.  It's very foreign and nothing I would choose.  Sadly, after 13 years, it's not so foreign anymore, and my memories of being treated like a woman are fading into the distant past.  Don't worry, I'm not confused.  I know I'm a woman that was gifted with a great many capabilities and that's okay.  I have no desire to be in competition with anyone, although between you, me, and the fence post, I wouldn't mind being treated as the "weaker vessel" once in awhile.  That, however; is not reflective of my spiritual standing.

After the calamity on Sabbath, I realized, I really did just want a pair of big strong arms around me telling me everything would be okay.  It wasn't a matter of lust, nor did I even include a body or face with those big strong arms, just took a few moments to acknowledge to myself I may be capable, but I'm not invincible.  I could even get emotional, once in awhile, if there was a safe place to do so . . . and there is.  My office in the early morning and outdoors.  I guess I could lock myself in the bathroom, but that's just not my style.  Yesterday morning, I just wanted someone to acknowledge my pain and allow me to dramatize my crisis.  Remember Mary Tyler Moore as Laura Petrie on the Dick Van Dyke show when she would just fall apart saying "Ooooooooh Rrrrrrrrrrrrob!"  Ah well, back to reality.

As I read and pondered, thinking back to my simple invitation to Mr. B all those years ago.   I met him at his church when he announced he had just taken a job that had him working week-end days, so he wouldn't be attending much for awhile.  I was facilitating a Friday evening Torah study and oneg, so I simply handed him a card, mentioned the Friday evening gathering and said, "Don't lose fellowship."  Now it's been a number of years, that I observe Sabbath alone.  I thought of that, actually I think of it often.  What would I be doing on Shabbat, if I hadn't handed him that card?  Would I be enjoying fellowship?  Would my life have turned out differently?

It was then that I simply determined it was time to put away all the questions and realize I am where I am for such a time as this.  Another person's interest or lack thereof is irrelevant.  I still get treated not only like a woman, but like a lady . . . they just aren't my husband and now, that's okay.  As a matter of fact, it's just fine.