As of late, I find myself listening to a number of people who are contemplating and weighing out relationship issues. I am a pretty good listener when it comes to that subject, because although, I've probably made most of the relationship errors, I have virtually no advice to offer . . . and so I listen, and sometimes offer examples of pitfalls to avoid.
As I've heard everyone speak of what they want in a partner, and I remember back when the religious single groups would tell the desperate members to "make a list" of traits they wanted in a spouse. Naturally, everyone wanted a spiritual partner, and gender specifically, women wanted a spiritual leader, and men wanted a spiritual help meet. Great words, but vague; and practical application is highly subjective. I've yet to hear a woman who speaks of her husband leading, without hearing how she's explained his role to him. And I am completely amazed at the number of men who know exactly how a woman should behave . . .
I can't believe I'm offering this advice, but it's sort of a "I can't be a good example, so I'm a horrible warning" type situation. Don't make a list of what you want in someone else, and whatever you do, if you're a woman wanting a spiritual leader, don't find one you have to teach . . . Duh. And men, if you want a woman who is a good help meet, why would you expect her to just automatically read your mind? Rather than your woman just assuming she knows what you need or telling you what you need, wouldn't you prefer to hear, "What can I do to help you?" "What would you like?"
In looking or waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right to come along, here's my suggested list. Write down the five things about you, that you feel are the most vital to your identity. The five things you like the most about yourself . . . or what G-d has brought in you. Then make a list of five things that are not so awesome about yourself, and be honest. No false humility! Now don't make copies and hand them out at the next singles gathering. Rather look honestly at that list, then tuck it away, but don't forget about it.
Those five things that you believe are your character assets, those are the blessings you would be bringing into the relationship as a leader or help meet. The partner our Creator has for you will admire, appreciate, and delight in those traits. And those five things that aren't so wonderful . . . the right partner will overlook, or encourage, or shield. They might not always choose the right reaction, every time, but they will know it's a weakness.
The right partner will not discount your strengths and focus on your weaknesses. To desire to be appreciated or cherished, respected or honored for our contributions and effort is human nature. We cannot wait for someone else to establish us as a person. El Shaddai has already established us. To know what our priorities are will keep us from compromising our values, which would prove disastrous down the road. To recognize our own weaknesses, keep us from being defined or exploited.
To make an honest list of our own assets and liabilities before our Creator, takes the focus off of our own expectations and places it exactly where our focus should be. For women, it's not what I want in a husband, but these talents or gifts YHWH has placed in me is what my husband will need to complete him. Men, it's not what I want a woman to be like, but rather, this is who I am, and YHWH knows the help I need, and I will cherish her for who she is!
This personal list keeps us mindful that we have a responsibility to bring more to every relationship than our expectations of others.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Sunday, January 19, 2014
. . . And Another Thing
Last week, I addressed the fact that Scripture doesn't tell us we will be exempt from overwhelming burdens and problems. We are told YHWH will make a way for us. This week, I have to address the original term in that "G-d won't give us more than we can handle." Who says G-d is doling out burdens in the first place? Granted, G-d does test His people from time to time, and although I don't give him much mention, there is an adversary.
Honestly, I hear about a lot more attacks of the enemy than I really think exist, but that's a topic for yet another article. Much of what we deal with in the way of burdens or "not more than we can handle" appears to be what we try to handle ourselves, what we don't turn over to our Heavenly Father, or the residual consequences of sin, as in judgment. Yielding to temptation seems to produce most of the situations referred to as "G-d won't give us more than we can handle." He didn't send the temptation, to begin with.
I know I'm sounding all preachy today, but this is serious. Our Heavenly Father deserves more glory than He gets in our martyred whining. I'm speaking for myself, here, as I think of the things that seemed an overwhelming burden. In looking back, there have been a few tests by G-d, only one attack of the adversary that I remember, but there have been temptations and much yielding before I began to follow Messiah, and some since.
Not that any of us are as globally significant as Abraham, but how many of us became parents outside of G-d's perfect plan? Then we want G-d to fix the mess we made . . . That is not a case of "G-d not giving us more than we can handle," That's a case of G-d, since there are no do-overs, will you please fix the mess I made, and heal the damage I caused, because now I see how smart I wasn't . . .
Let's talk about our health for a moment. Everybody prays in a health crisis, and talks about how G-d has entrusted them with some special burden, because . . . I know this from my own life, and from watching many situations through the years. Yes, accidents and injuries do happen, but often we are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time . . . by our own choosing. Then there's the whole diet issue when it comes to health. Exodus 15:26 is pretty clear as to how to avoid disease.
Although I do know our Heavenly Father does allow obstacles, and there are tests. According to Scripture, He has already mapped out and provided the escape plan. Follow Messiah right through. There will be persecution, but nothing worse than Messiah faced, and persecution is not usually what is referenced when people speak of "G-d not giving more than we can handle." We, in America, have barely had a taste of persecution. Social media unfriending is not martyrdom!
As I consider the things in my life that are burdens, "more than I can handle," I've discovered a good many of them are simply the natural consequences of unG-dly choices that I keep trying to fix.
Honestly, I hear about a lot more attacks of the enemy than I really think exist, but that's a topic for yet another article. Much of what we deal with in the way of burdens or "not more than we can handle" appears to be what we try to handle ourselves, what we don't turn over to our Heavenly Father, or the residual consequences of sin, as in judgment. Yielding to temptation seems to produce most of the situations referred to as "G-d won't give us more than we can handle." He didn't send the temptation, to begin with.
I know I'm sounding all preachy today, but this is serious. Our Heavenly Father deserves more glory than He gets in our martyred whining. I'm speaking for myself, here, as I think of the things that seemed an overwhelming burden. In looking back, there have been a few tests by G-d, only one attack of the adversary that I remember, but there have been temptations and much yielding before I began to follow Messiah, and some since.
Not that any of us are as globally significant as Abraham, but how many of us became parents outside of G-d's perfect plan? Then we want G-d to fix the mess we made . . . That is not a case of "G-d not giving us more than we can handle," That's a case of G-d, since there are no do-overs, will you please fix the mess I made, and heal the damage I caused, because now I see how smart I wasn't . . .
Let's talk about our health for a moment. Everybody prays in a health crisis, and talks about how G-d has entrusted them with some special burden, because . . . I know this from my own life, and from watching many situations through the years. Yes, accidents and injuries do happen, but often we are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time . . . by our own choosing. Then there's the whole diet issue when it comes to health. Exodus 15:26 is pretty clear as to how to avoid disease.
Although I do know our Heavenly Father does allow obstacles, and there are tests. According to Scripture, He has already mapped out and provided the escape plan. Follow Messiah right through. There will be persecution, but nothing worse than Messiah faced, and persecution is not usually what is referenced when people speak of "G-d not giving more than we can handle." We, in America, have barely had a taste of persecution. Social media unfriending is not martyrdom!
As I consider the things in my life that are burdens, "more than I can handle," I've discovered a good many of them are simply the natural consequences of unG-dly choices that I keep trying to fix.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
More Than I Could Handle
Here I am, finally getting a bit comfortable in my own skin, and settling in on a Daniel diet to hear "great things" from On High when "all hell breaks loose" on a personal front. Isn't that just the way it goes? What's a peculiar princess to do? Let me tell you what this one did.
I responded as best I could to the crisis phone calls and PMs. I listened and/or read. I gave some simple advice, and with that I should qualify the statement to mean generic, as in: Stay safe, don't make any major decisions in panic, get some advice in this area, that sort of thing. I knew no one was listening at this point, only in search of someone who would offer sympathy and maybe help find a place to lay blame. I asked a few questions as to the stability of the situation and with that, I knew that's all I knew. That's all I could do, at that time. This crisis was out of my control and even though I'm sure someone will be able to find a way that I should have done more or even caused the problem, I knew the truth, and the matter was out of my hands. Except to be a sounding board, this matter was not even my responsibility. This fact served as an even greater reason to make sure I stayed within the proper boundaries.
I finished up my day's responsibilities and prepared to head to bed early. Not only did I need to cry on my couch before Adonai, as David had, but the news was exhausting and the issue of the conversation was beyond vexing. I knew, I was not fit for polite society, and that included phone and computer. I needed to be alone with Abba. Even when I'm not fit for polite society, my Heavenly Father still loves me. Messiah still advocates on my behalf.
That old saying, "G-d won't give us more than we can handle . . ." Well it's just an old saying, it's not Scripture. We are promised to not be tempted beyond what Messiah was tempted, and we will be provided a way out. We are promised that He will bear our burden, but we're not promised that the burden won't be heavy! And nowhere does it say, He'll take it away from us. We have to trust it to Him. Think about this for a minute. If we could handle everything that came at us, would we ever seek our Heavenly Father? If we could handle everything that lands on us, wouldn't we be trusting ourselves?
I've done that in the past and even when I didn't trust a matter to G-d, there were things that were certainly too much for me to handle! I was just too blind to see it. Not this time! This time, I saw the truth for what it was and it was more than I could handle! So, I had to get to my prayer closet and tell Abba. I had to talk to Y'hshuwah before I communicated with any other human being! I went in my room to weep on my couch. Our merciful Heavenly Father is so gracious to allow us to cry our eyes out and hear our heart's cry. It was then that I heard Messiah, ask, "Are you willing to be busy about our Father's business?" "Of course I am," was my weary and tearful, but heartfelt response.
It was then that I understood so simply. We cannot carry our burdens and receive what we are to share. We cannot offer our own ideas and interpretation, when YHWH has the actual plan and truth! We cannot haul the heaviness of the past or of accusations and offer the hope of our Creator's plan for a future. If we are not walking in the Light, what would we possibly be able to offer as an answer for the reason of the hope in us. Burdens are not blessings and we cannot carry them around and share them as though they are! Taking that time in my prayer closet has made all the difference for me and for my understanding of my Father's business in this situation.
I responded as best I could to the crisis phone calls and PMs. I listened and/or read. I gave some simple advice, and with that I should qualify the statement to mean generic, as in: Stay safe, don't make any major decisions in panic, get some advice in this area, that sort of thing. I knew no one was listening at this point, only in search of someone who would offer sympathy and maybe help find a place to lay blame. I asked a few questions as to the stability of the situation and with that, I knew that's all I knew. That's all I could do, at that time. This crisis was out of my control and even though I'm sure someone will be able to find a way that I should have done more or even caused the problem, I knew the truth, and the matter was out of my hands. Except to be a sounding board, this matter was not even my responsibility. This fact served as an even greater reason to make sure I stayed within the proper boundaries.
I finished up my day's responsibilities and prepared to head to bed early. Not only did I need to cry on my couch before Adonai, as David had, but the news was exhausting and the issue of the conversation was beyond vexing. I knew, I was not fit for polite society, and that included phone and computer. I needed to be alone with Abba. Even when I'm not fit for polite society, my Heavenly Father still loves me. Messiah still advocates on my behalf.
That old saying, "G-d won't give us more than we can handle . . ." Well it's just an old saying, it's not Scripture. We are promised to not be tempted beyond what Messiah was tempted, and we will be provided a way out. We are promised that He will bear our burden, but we're not promised that the burden won't be heavy! And nowhere does it say, He'll take it away from us. We have to trust it to Him. Think about this for a minute. If we could handle everything that came at us, would we ever seek our Heavenly Father? If we could handle everything that lands on us, wouldn't we be trusting ourselves?
I've done that in the past and even when I didn't trust a matter to G-d, there were things that were certainly too much for me to handle! I was just too blind to see it. Not this time! This time, I saw the truth for what it was and it was more than I could handle! So, I had to get to my prayer closet and tell Abba. I had to talk to Y'hshuwah before I communicated with any other human being! I went in my room to weep on my couch. Our merciful Heavenly Father is so gracious to allow us to cry our eyes out and hear our heart's cry. It was then that I heard Messiah, ask, "Are you willing to be busy about our Father's business?" "Of course I am," was my weary and tearful, but heartfelt response.
It was then that I understood so simply. We cannot carry our burdens and receive what we are to share. We cannot offer our own ideas and interpretation, when YHWH has the actual plan and truth! We cannot haul the heaviness of the past or of accusations and offer the hope of our Creator's plan for a future. If we are not walking in the Light, what would we possibly be able to offer as an answer for the reason of the hope in us. Burdens are not blessings and we cannot carry them around and share them as though they are! Taking that time in my prayer closet has made all the difference for me and for my understanding of my Father's business in this situation.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Liking Myself
I'm not going new age pseudo psychology here, and my vanity is pretty much retired. I'm talking about liking the improvements my Heavenly Father has brought in me, and liking the differences that have come about by following Messiah.
I'm so much more practical in my perspective when it comes to this physical realm, because I've come to a greater understanding of just how tangible the spiritual realm truly is! I am finally finished trying to be a perfect size 5 . . . HalleluYah! That was never a practical goal, anyway; and the one time in my life I could wear a size 4 - 5 skirt, the blouses and blazers weren't there anyway . . . But more importantly than that, I made some very unhealthy choices to maintain that size. Coffee and cigarettes are not proper nutrition! To be healthy is what YHWH created me to be, and healthy truly does come in various shapes and sizes. Healthy is about diet, exercise, and rest, not tape measures and clothing tags. I like myself better when I'm not obsessing.
I was talking with a friend the other day, and we both mentioned the fact that this cold snow and ice can be slippery. As we talked, I realized, my biggest concern about falling is no longer, who might see me, or embarrassment in the retelling. I have two new biggest concerns about falling. Those are, one, to get back up, and two, preferably all in one piece. I like myself better when I'm not in severe pain.
The best improvement I think I've noticed is not being concerned with what others think. Oh, now, I want to be a good witness for Messiah. I'm not talking about other's opinions being insignificant, but rather; they just don't change mine. For example, I no longer have to be in a relationship that shares mutual emotions. If someone doesn't approve of my choices or thinks I'm a bit off, I can still love them. If someone is having a bad day, I don't have to take it as a personal attack. If someone doesn't see things the way I do, it doesn't mean I'm wrong! I like myself better when I have confidence.
I spent a number of years not liking myself very much and I'm very thankful that Messiah loves me enough to die for me, and my Heavenly Father loves me enough to change me. Since there is still room for improvement, I'm looking forward to see more of what He has in mind. I like myself better when I know I'm doing what pleases Adonai.
I'm so much more practical in my perspective when it comes to this physical realm, because I've come to a greater understanding of just how tangible the spiritual realm truly is! I am finally finished trying to be a perfect size 5 . . . HalleluYah! That was never a practical goal, anyway; and the one time in my life I could wear a size 4 - 5 skirt, the blouses and blazers weren't there anyway . . . But more importantly than that, I made some very unhealthy choices to maintain that size. Coffee and cigarettes are not proper nutrition! To be healthy is what YHWH created me to be, and healthy truly does come in various shapes and sizes. Healthy is about diet, exercise, and rest, not tape measures and clothing tags. I like myself better when I'm not obsessing.
I was talking with a friend the other day, and we both mentioned the fact that this cold snow and ice can be slippery. As we talked, I realized, my biggest concern about falling is no longer, who might see me, or embarrassment in the retelling. I have two new biggest concerns about falling. Those are, one, to get back up, and two, preferably all in one piece. I like myself better when I'm not in severe pain.
The best improvement I think I've noticed is not being concerned with what others think. Oh, now, I want to be a good witness for Messiah. I'm not talking about other's opinions being insignificant, but rather; they just don't change mine. For example, I no longer have to be in a relationship that shares mutual emotions. If someone doesn't approve of my choices or thinks I'm a bit off, I can still love them. If someone is having a bad day, I don't have to take it as a personal attack. If someone doesn't see things the way I do, it doesn't mean I'm wrong! I like myself better when I have confidence.
I spent a number of years not liking myself very much and I'm very thankful that Messiah loves me enough to die for me, and my Heavenly Father loves me enough to change me. Since there is still room for improvement, I'm looking forward to see more of what He has in mind. I like myself better when I know I'm doing what pleases Adonai.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)