I've been quiet and contemplative for a time, because life happened in spite of my tenacious attempt at denial! A word of wisdom here. When one has to concentrate on denial, the attempted purpose is lost. As I focused on denying the fact my health was deteriorating, denial became impossible. For a time, my effort at denial took all the creative energy I had, and it still failed. The time of the red walker was short lived. So, as I sit here in a wheel chair, I'm back to blogging . . . and thinking about how truly thankful I am, for the respite I enjoyed from this old nemesis called MS.
Nearly eighteen years ago, I realized natural remedies, mainstream medicine, and faith were not all compatible, even though our society says otherwise. A choice had to be made, so I stopped using mainstream medicine with pharmakeia, including OTC products. Since our Heavenly Father created herbs, and Scripture tells us to be anointed with oil, it seemed clear that natural remedies and faith could be complimentary. Through the years, I've been surprised to receive so little support from the "faith" community, but for many of those years, I was greatly blessed with wonderful health from our Heavenly Father and to enjoy great strength and mobility. Those who have been discouraging, apparently do not realize, there is still no cure for MS. The fact that there is still no cure, made the decision to leave mainstream medicine and pharmakeia, even easier. It's not like I'm missing any major advancement in modern medicine! But more importantly, I left mainstream medicine and pharmakeia based upon Scripture and faith.
Although I'm not thrilled to have an MS exacerbation, it's not as bad as it could be. I've been diagnosed and experienced exacerbations for nearly 4 decades, but the protection from an exacerbation through a certain period of time has been beyond wonderful. My previous exacerbation began in 2000 and the prognosis was not in the least bit hopeful . . . I was in my wheel chair until July of 2001. I married in March of 2002, thinking a ministry partnership would unfold. I sure missed that by a mile . . . but even in that, I chose denial for a time. By fall of 2003, the reality was obvious, and with no end in sight, the stress began. I was done, but the Mr. refused to leave. Now, if G-d was a person, He'd have most likely just fired me; but His ways are not our ways. Since then the thought has crossed my mind several times, that without His grace, He could have just left me to my own devices or even killed me in judgment, but He allowed me time to ask forgiveness and get busy in His plan. He still led me relocate, and I thought that might end the marriage, but it continued through the move. When the entire truth finally came out, I was devastated; in that the marriage still stood. As I was establishing the homestead, I contemplated how in the world someone could want to stay with someone they didn't desire, and how someone could intrude and stay without sharing the dream of the other person. Stupidly, I attempted to talk to the Mr. about it, but . . . well I already used the proper adverb, so enough said there.
In less than two years of relocation and establishing the homestead of learning, Mr. B fell ill, ill unto death. I did intercede on his behalf in prayer as did many, but the care taking on his lengthy road of recover fell squarely on my shoulders. I look back on that and realize Father really did pour supernatural compassion and strength in me. The time of recovery, literally took years. In those years, I tended to him, managed the homestead, wrote books and blogs, hosted a radio show, enjoyed visits from my grandchildren through their school breaks, and relocated to a larger acreage. Without supernatural strength, I couldn't have done what I did, nor received the help that I did! Through all that, my health was amazingly good! My parents did make a few extra trips to visit and help through that time and I remember when my Mom told me I hadn't looked so good in years. I thought to myself, and it still brings a chuckle. So, stress and exhaustion are quite becoming on me. I'm so glad I didn't say it, though, because the reality is, it was the supernatural strength of The Almighty radiating from me. His strength shining through my weaknesses!
Through Mr. B's recovery time, I was given the opportunity to host a radio show about simplicity. The time of the radio show was great, but ministry, running a larger homestead, maintaining websites and Q&A pages took a lot of energy. Nearly everything mentioned in the previous paragraph took place in those years of radio. Through this time of high energy, high activity, I truly realized G-d hadn't fired me. All in all it was a very fulfilling time for me. It was a wonderfully busy few years, but I knew something had to give, so . . . I gave up the radio show . . . and a few months later started a natural health business.
The next pivotal year was 2012. Not long after writing "Can We All Be Wrong?" one of my daughters read it and announced she and her family would be relocating to work with me, not only on the homestead, but in ministry. Even through that highly stressful ordeal, Father kept me strong, but some of the old symptoms were subtly and sporadically reappearing. I fell and broke my wrist, but it was an "explainable accident," so life went on. I was also becoming aware of the spasms when exhausted, and a few of the other old symptoms were appearing randomly, but I kept moving. Then there was the huge "break down" with my daughter. At the point she left, we became officially estranged, and still are, nearly six years later. That was very stressful, but Father gave me Scripture and a time to grieve. It wasn't much more than a month after she left, I fell again, breaking my arm and rebreaking the wrist I'd broken earlier in the year. Through this same time, the health of one of my oldest and dearest friends was failing. Her sister asked me to come celebrate her fiftieth birthday. In the drive up there, I noticed some issues with my sight, but I wrote that off to infrequent long drives, highway monotony, and sadness.
As winter of 2012 turned into 2013, I wrote another book, and through that time, became painfully aware that my legs were becoming affected. Yet, I still said nothing and kept moving! By 2013, Mr. B was ready to participate in life, once again, so he began to help with some of the chores. By the end of that year, my elder daughter noticed, my gait was not normal, and my strength was not what it had been. She and I had a couple of glasses of wine and decided to chalk it up to getting older! Since that time, the stairs became more difficult to navigate and the falls and injures increased, while my energy level fell out from under me. I did have a wonderfully productive year in 2016, and published another book in '17, but balance and walking were becoming difficult. So, I got a pool for therapy! It was wonderful! I still maintained my usual activities, but I began downsizing and cutting back. I didn't have enough energy for everything I usually did while trying to maintain denial!
Now, Father has allowed me to be seated, for a time . . . I've said all this to say this. It was only by His power and His strength that I was able to do all I did this past decade. And . . . the time of remission while not seeking mainstream medicine has been the longest I've every enjoyed! MS and denial are definitely weaknesses, but as promised in II Corinthians 12, His strength is perfect in our weakness. There are plenty of weaknesses in my life. He's already shed some light on what is unfolding, but I have to give thanks that He kept the MS at bay through Mr. B's illness and lengthy recovery, and He gave me the strength to do radio and write books. I'll interject here, that as a rule, most of my serious writing is done while seated. I can't even imagine where I'd be now, if the MS had crashed me through Mr. B's illness. We'd probably both be in a nursing home, arguing about having to be roommates. I don't even want to think about that!
HalleluYah! I still have my own private room at home. Father kept me strong as I had to face the truth between my daughter and I, as well as between Mr. B and myself. Graciously, Father allowed me the time to grieve so I could move on. Even through my own denial, He kept me safe, and I was able to put so many things in place that can be managed from a seated position. He even allowed me to receive an all terrain power wheel chair, so all the chores on the place can be accomplished.
I'm not thrilled with my current status, but I'm so thankful for the time I've been given and for the fact, it didn't happen earlier!
https://www.yahoo.com/news/anthony-bourdain-reveals-pictured-harvey-135508461.html
