The truth of my past is painful. I became a teen aged mother in the mid seventies. Abortion was an option I did not choose. Sadly, I didn't realize giving birth is not the same thing as "choosing life." I love my kids, I love my grandkids, but in my ignorance, I didn't raise them in the admonition of YHWH. I came to the Truth and entered a covenant walk with our Creator just a few weeks before my youngest turned 18. My time of being under conviction before surrendering to Abba, truly rocked my household, and I can't change that fact. I was a young mother and my only goal was to not raise my kids the way I'd been raised. That's not a goal, that's just a different wrong direction.
To aim to "not" do something is not aiming. That doesn't work in anything in life. Imagine taking a trip and the only plan is "not north." There is no map, no destination, just "not north." I guess a few folks may enjoy the scenery and even delight in the destination, but that would be purely happenstance, or . . . mercy. Imagine any other project from hunting to cooking, with the designated outcome aimed at what you don't want. In retrospect, it's so easy to see now.
I listen to one daughter who is proud and accomplished, whom I adopted after her formative years, which appears to have definitely been to her advantage. I heard from my birth daughter, who makes it a point to remind me just how much she disregards anything I hold important. How sad, that she's nearly 40 and still aiming for "not her mother's values." Thankfully, by that age, I had True direction, Abba's direction. Following Messiah is the only solution away from each generation attempting to "not do what the last one did."
I can't help but wonder sometimes just how far away Hagar and Ishmael went, and if Abraham was able to enjoy any of his grandchildren by Ishmael. I still remember the day I heard, "Ishmael," in regard to my own particular situation. The promise of Abraham is so exciting and we all embrace that with our own perspective . . . but we don't really consider the cost of his obedience to receive that promise. Faith means one steps out on the Word of YHWH without seeing the results. Faith involves action. Abba had been so patient and merciful with me, and yet there came a day, I had to let go.
As I read the number of heart wrenching letters, posts, and comments from parents who are given "pat answers" and told to pray, my heart just breaks. When we pray "Thy will be done," sometimes we have to accept that everything we hold dear is not His will for our lives. Even though we are told to pray without ceasing, sometimes, we are told it's time to pray for something else. I had a Bible, I was talked out of the truth as a teen by religious leaders. I'm not blaming them, I'm just stating the facts. I've heard two very stern words recently regarding some of my relationships in the natural. These words have been confirmed. When I think of Messiah in the Garden of Gethsemane as he prayed, "if it be possible, let this cup pass . . ." but it wasn't possible.
Our Heavenly Father gave what was most precious to Him to have a relationship with us, and some of us will be called to do the same.
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