I have realized yet another oddity about myself! Oy vey! Now I realize, when I think I've died to self, I need to realize, I'm a big girl! I'm beginning to wonder if my full figuredness doesn't correlate with being full of self . . .
I wrote an article in "Religiously Incorrect" and when I did that, I realized, last year, and the year before that, and several years before that I'd died to self . . . only to discover there's more of ME than I realized! Apparently YHWH sees me as big as I see myself in the mirror. There's a lot to my "self" so there's a ton of dying that needs to happen! What is wonderful, though; as the dying occurs, so far there has been no significant resurrection power directed toward these areas of self! HalleluYah!
I certainly don't want to have to keep dying over and over again. Even in the discovery of my areas of self, I do want to keep moving forward in victory! I do not want to keep "going 'round" the same mountain. Thankfully, the flesh and the enemy do not have resurrection power! I'm thankful we are given this life on earth to "be ready" for eternal life. Dying to self is not like going on a diet to lose 20 pounds. Dying to self appears to be a "process" that continues through the days of our life. In my recent desire to "show my hind-end" I came to realize, I'd truly rather bring glory and honor to my Heavenly Father and follow Messiah . . . That could be why we as a society, recognize the death process as a process . . .
Dying to self is quite a process, and there is not spiritual hospice. There are times it's quite painful, yet once it happens in a particular area I feel so light and good. I still remember a couple of years ago knowing what flesh remained was in the way of my walk and of the ministry to which I'm called. I want to be completely free of flesh and . . . fleshly desires. It seems the more I die to self, the fewer regrets I experience and the less baggage I have. I know I'm not there yet, but this big girl is feeling lighter every day!