Regrets and Ripples

Several folks have seemed rather contemplative this season and many downright disappointed in some aspects of their lives.  I'm no exception.  Most of us have made some decisions before we were in Covenant with our Heavenly Father, and those consequences can be long lasting.  I have several regrets, and although I know I've been forgiven, the ripple of those regrets continue to surround my life, on occasion.

I must interject this, however; the ripples of regret no longer actively revolve around my life, but there are occasional reminders.  On a brighter note, even some of my less than good choices, have not all resulted in ripples of regret.  We might as well face it, very few of us have a pure testimony.  Mine is far from stellar, but at 36 my life changed, and it's never been the same.  Sadly, I've still made mistakes with regrets, while there are those who would continue to remind me and others of my ancient history.  My ancient history compared to the life I live now, is absolute proof of the power of YHWH to change a life.  I certainly didn't earn His love, but I am so grateful for His grace and mercy.

The life I now live and the stand I have taken has resulted in a great deal of rejection, but in reality, I wasn't ever that popular or well received, anyway . . . As I've considered this blog, I realized I was already failing in mainstream and certainly with relationships, long before I was rejected for my relationship with YHWH and lifestyle of following Messiah.  Apparently, when one is chosen, even before they realize it, mainstream just doesn't flow well for them.  A child of YHWH simply doesn't fit into mainstream society, and I think the choices they make outside of His will can be even more devastating than those who are not of Him.  Abraham's choice comes to mind frequently.   Getting outside of the plan when one is called of YHWH can have long lasting dire consequences.

Probably what is the most difficult for all of us who have come to the place of confessing our sins and regrets to our Creator, is the difficulty in watching others make the same choices or worse.  We want to save them the heartache we've had, but we have to realize, not everyone is called or chosen and we can't save anyone . . .  We can preach The Word, share a testimony and we can certainly pray, but hearing and applying is up to them.

I'm even sorting through what I believe about predestination and what that means as our lives move from our own path to His.  Some of the regrets and ripples were simply never meant to be a part of our life, and therefore when we do step into His perfect Will, we'll have to let go of some things and some people, or more often than not . . . they'll let go of us.  In becoming a new creation, this can cover relationship, careers, even geographical location.  Messiah said we must be willing to give up everything to follow Him.  Today, I realize, that also means giving up regrets . . .

Releasing Regrets

The past few weeks have been truly amazing and special, as I've shared here; but with all the special blessings, have also come a time also of past regrets.  I'm not talking about others, but about my own failure and the regrets and disappointments that have sort of lurked in the shadows.  Most of my regrets took place before I was walking in covenant and following my King.  I am forgiven, but obviously, can not go back in time and change them.  All I can do is move forward, and I have.  Interestingly, these past few weeks have brought me to a place of actually releasing the regrets.

In all these years, I really didn't know how to do that.  I didn't know how to stop remembering something stupid or wrong I'd done . . . I figured everyone had regrets and probably everyone handles them in their own way, but I needed a better way.  I was truly tired of regretting so many failed relationships, in which there is no reparation.  Even without the option of going back in time, most of these failed relationships could not be rectified in future settings either, and that's where the reality of release began . . . Carrying regrets does two things.  It weighs us down and prevents us from rising to the full potential Abba has for us and it sets us up to live with blame in new relationships.

First, I cannot reconcile any previous marriage, as that is forbidden in Torah, so to continue to regret my failure, is time and energy squandered.  The only way to view those now, is to hope and pray those men are happy and have a relationship with our Heavenly Father.  I know some of them have moved on to other relationships and I hope those women do not have to "pay" for any hurt I caused the men.  I know I've "payed" for someone else's old baggage and I would not wish that on an enemy.  It could be the old baggage I've been dealt; was the consequences and comeuppance of my past behavior.

There is a meme that circulates social media regularly that sums life up rather well.  I'll include the quote here, with the credited author.

“We are free to choose our actions, . . . but we are not free to choose the consequences of these actions.”

                                                                                         ― Stephen R. Covey

Life does include consequences and most of us in our forties and fifties realize, what we thought were great ideas in our teens and twenties, have not all proven to be so great!  I don't mean to generalize or be vague, but I don't know of too many folks who didn't make at least one or two regrettable choices.  I have more than a few, but the reality is, I've had far fewer since walking with Messiah, and there's no reason to spend any more of the time I have left on regrets, I can't change, and our Heavenly Father doesn't even remember.  Isn't that so amazing about an all knowing Creator.  He is so awesome, He can choose to forget something!  In just trying to imagine His vastness, and attempting to wrap my mind and heart around His love, there is just little room for regrets.