Focus

It's been a tough week spiritually . . . growing pains.  I shared a word recently about being content, with Scripture reference from I Timothy and Hebrews.  Wouldn't you know it, I'm content in what I have, materially, well actually, I could have less and be just fine, but I found myself wandering through the archives of my emotional disappointments.  There are a few areas of my life that just didn't turn out as I'd hoped, and yet they are as good as they can be under the circumstances.  Most of the time, I maintain my contentedness in Messiah, by focusing on the goodness of YHWH, and that is amazing!  His goodness is beyond what we can even give thanks for . . .
                                
What I have realized, were words out of my own mouth.  Focusing on disappointment or being discontent actually robs us of present contentment and worse, being used of Abba.  When I'm in my bad place of archived disappointment, I'm really ineffective in the "here and now," and certainly for the Kingdom.  I've also discovered a situation that is unpleasant, yet I choose to be drawn in.  How ridiculous is that?  This soul searching business on my own, is a poor use of time and energy.  That's exactly what I said as I was speaking!  As it turns out, I've been given the opportunity to prove that again in my own life.  It wasn't until I was writing this article that I realized something in me that really needs to GO!  I still choose self-deprecation in personal introspection.  I'm not perfect, but I do too much repeated self-blaming and the cost is simply too high.

The past is truly the past and it's been forgiven and forgotten by my Heavenly Father.  Who do I think I am to bring it back up?  As for the failures, yes, I have failed.  The only way to avoid failure is to never attempt anything!  There are things in my life that I cannot fix, change, or make go away.  That is a simple fact.  Another simple fact is, my failure rate has markedly decreased since following Messiah.  With that knowledge, there is no reason for those things to control any of my focus or require any of my time and energy.  Some might say the enemy was attacking me for speaking the other day, but I don't think so.  The enemy is something I do not choose to give time or focus.  Yes there are demons and there is an adversary, but he's been defeated.  I know Ephesians speaks of a spiritual battle, but this particular battle still lies within me to make a choice, and I have!  Now, with that choice must come disciplined application!

This difficult week has produced some growth in that, when these failures do come to mind, I simply give thanks that they are indeed behind me and I've been given grace to walk on through.  Even when my testimony didn't turn out as I was expecting, Abba will still bring beauty from ashes.

To proclaim the acceptable year of YHWH, and the day of vengeance of our Elohim; to comfort all that mourn;  To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of YHWH, that he might be glorified.  Isaiah 61:2-3.

Releasing Regrets

The past few weeks have been truly amazing and special, as I've shared here; but with all the special blessings, have also come a time also of past regrets.  I'm not talking about others, but about my own failure and the regrets and disappointments that have sort of lurked in the shadows.  Most of my regrets took place before I was walking in covenant and following my King.  I am forgiven, but obviously, can not go back in time and change them.  All I can do is move forward, and I have.  Interestingly, these past few weeks have brought me to a place of actually releasing the regrets.

In all these years, I really didn't know how to do that.  I didn't know how to stop remembering something stupid or wrong I'd done . . . I figured everyone had regrets and probably everyone handles them in their own way, but I needed a better way.  I was truly tired of regretting so many failed relationships, in which there is no reparation.  Even without the option of going back in time, most of these failed relationships could not be rectified in future settings either, and that's where the reality of release began . . . Carrying regrets does two things.  It weighs us down and prevents us from rising to the full potential Abba has for us and it sets us up to live with blame in new relationships.

First, I cannot reconcile any previous marriage, as that is forbidden in Torah, so to continue to regret my failure, is time and energy squandered.  The only way to view those now, is to hope and pray those men are happy and have a relationship with our Heavenly Father.  I know some of them have moved on to other relationships and I hope those women do not have to "pay" for any hurt I caused the men.  I know I've "payed" for someone else's old baggage and I would not wish that on an enemy.  It could be the old baggage I've been dealt; was the consequences and comeuppance of my past behavior.

There is a meme that circulates social media regularly that sums life up rather well.  I'll include the quote here, with the credited author.

“We are free to choose our actions, . . . but we are not free to choose the consequences of these actions.”

                                                                                         ― Stephen R. Covey

Life does include consequences and most of us in our forties and fifties realize, what we thought were great ideas in our teens and twenties, have not all proven to be so great!  I don't mean to generalize or be vague, but I don't know of too many folks who didn't make at least one or two regrettable choices.  I have more than a few, but the reality is, I've had far fewer since walking with Messiah, and there's no reason to spend any more of the time I have left on regrets, I can't change, and our Heavenly Father doesn't even remember.  Isn't that so amazing about an all knowing Creator.  He is so awesome, He can choose to forget something!  In just trying to imagine His vastness, and attempting to wrap my mind and heart around His love, there is just little room for regrets.