I certainly can't complain about my health. Like most folks in my age range, there are a few things that just don't work like they used to. Also like many folks, I certainly wish I'd taken better care of myself when I was younger. If I were a vehicle, I'd say I put on too many miles on rough terrain and now the warranty is up, but thankfully I'm a work of the Creator's hand. I'm doing a lot more than many and certainly feel better than I deserve to.
My grand uncle used to say he'd rather wear out as rust out . . . which brings me to this week's topic. I've mentioned before that I have MS and RA. I don't suffer nearly as bad as many do with these auto-immune diseases, but these afflictions do remind me of their presence, regularly. This past week, the RA really made itself known, thus the title. The rheumatoid arthritis knocked me for a bit of a loop. I still got my pumpkin canned and met my usual responsibilities; well most of them, but I was in pain. I didn't have as much strength as I'm used to and I found myself struggling with tasks that had never before been an issue. Now when that happens, the first thought that invades my brain is the idea that it may never get better. It's always going to be this difficult and painful. I do my best to cast that thought out, as that is just borrowing trouble. I'm not a good patient. I get on my own nerves when I don't feel up to par.
You may disagree with me on this, but I believe most acquired illness has a spiritual root, and emotional factors. I'm not talking about congenital issues, but acquired issues. There are just too many examples in Scripture in which Messiah connected wellness and forgiveness; to ignore. Then there is the fact that in the Hebrew Scriptures, the people were instructed to present their maladies to the High Priest, not to mention James 5:15. As a natural health practitioner, I always seek our Creator in helping others and I've done some real soul searching regarding my own health.
I fully attribute my MS to internally melting down as a coping mechanism. It may be something else for others, but that makes total sense in my life and situation. In handling this disease from that perspective, I've let go of a number of battles that are not mine and although Abba has not chosen to grant me a full healing at this time, I'm very blessed to continue to be quite functional. My gait is a bit awkward, and I'm a bit of a klutz, but I rarely suffer the fatigue so many experience. I've dealt with many others who suffer RA and there is nearly always an underlying embrace and rejection issue. A sort of push/pull situation in their life. As it turns out, I'm not 'an exception to this theory.
As I've sought to have Abba's love in me, or to love as He loves, the reality has hit that I'm still guarded in a few areas of this endeavor. He's placed me in the perfect situations to love without necessarily being loved in return, or worse, but I'm not yet fully trusting His protection in those situations. This emotional push pull reality is more of a spiritual outreach or attempted embrace, then shield, withdraw or recoil. It's not easy to do what Messiah did and what He taught. This "loving our enemy" business is painful, especially when we try to protect ourselves. Hopefully, now that I've actually recognized it, I'll be able to love without fear, and trust Abba for the protection. This is not a "name it and claim it," "blab it and grab it," "declare and decree" statement, but a simple statement of fact of faith. RA will not continue to make this princess feel puny!
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