Acceptance

I'm not by nature, a distrusting soul, but I've learned, trust is not to be handled lightly or given indiscriminately.  This isn't about distrusting known liars, as that is just wisdom, but rather the need to accept the fact we all just do not see things the same way.  I can't possibly expect someone to make the same decision I would, in a matter in which they don't hold the same view.  People make decision based upon their perspective and we don't all share the same perspective.  It is wrong to expect someone to make a decision based upon a view or value they do not hold.

I'll use a couple of my personal examples which would be easy to follow into general society.  Our health and our finances are two rather large areas in everyone's life.  I'm not talking about vanity or the love of money, but simply the management of both, varies dramatically between people, and we do depend upon our bodies and most of us feel the need to pay our bills.  It's not a matter of skepticism or cynicism when we do not trust another person or government to manage our health or resources in the same way we do.   Realizing they simply have a different way of handling these matters should keep the issue from becoming a wedge, at least among individuals.  We cannot burden someone with a decision they cannot make or should not make for another person.  Nor should we impose our choices on another . . .

I do not adhere to Big Pharma in any way shape or form.  I do not seek medical attention for anything in my life.  I would go to a chiropractor or reflexologist if one were available, but no professional in mainstream allopathic medicine and no pharmakeia.  Although this is a general statement, and I'm sure there are exceptions, I do not trust nurses, because society has redefined a Scriptural term.  Nursing was a Biblical profession, that no longer carries the original meaning.  Nurses in Scripture worked for one family or one person for a lifetime.  Now nurses work for their employer, often a "care" facility or a pharmaceutical company, a doctor, and always the state that issued their license.  The patient is at least third on the list of priorities . . . Clearly a far cry from Deborah in Scripture.  Doctors answer to the AMA, insurance, and represent Big Pharma, so I do not feel my best interest is actually their top priority.  Now, my stand on this one issue, if I were anyone at all, would be discredited by 98% of our society, including my family.  Therefore, I choose to keep my health matters, private.

I carry a copy of health choices in writing in my wallet, just in case some sort of incident took place publicly and I was unconscious or in a situation in which I could not verbalize my wishes.  I do not expect everyone or anyone, for that matter, to share my view, but I do expect them to honor my decision for myself.  Having been in a situation in which I errantly trusted family, I have since put my choice in writing and would not contact them in case of emergency.  I've told Mr. B, in case of severe illness, he is not to notify family until I'm recovering or ready for burial, whichever is the end result.  I'm not mad at them for not agreeing with me, I just know that and accept that fact.  So my health is my business, between my Heavenly Father and myself, and trusted to no one else.

I also mentioned finances.  My parents are quite secretive about their finances and although I don't talk much about my net worth and cash flow, I do share budgeting and saving ideas when asked.  My kids are very open about their spending habits and they clearly don't align with my style.  I'm not a wealthy woman by this society's standards, but I truly do live quite well with very little expense.  I don't have a mortgage.  I raise most of my food.  My home is all electric and I have a well, so basically I have a monthly internet charge and electric bill.  I'm enjoying some benefits of wind and solar energy, so the bill for electricity is actually reduced from what it used to be.  I got rid of my television years ago, so there's no cable or satellite bill.  My business isn't on the New York Stock Exchange, but it pays for itself.  This is another area of life that folks need to realize, may or may not be a trust issue, but each generation handles finances differently and could clearly be interpreted to be a matter of trust in any given situation.

My parents have stated they have some sort of Trust and I guess no one knows what's in it, until after they die, or maybe it's just me that's not in the know . . . For whatever their reasons, they'd rather trust a stranger and that suits me well.  This way, any discrepancy or problem will not fall on my shoulders.  I'm still a bit ambivalent about what I need to do to get my final affairs in order, but I don't think it will require a Trust Fund.  I remember a few years ago when one of my kids was acting like they were going to be a part of this ministry project, but . . . much change just continued to be introduced.  I finally looked at her and said, "Shouldn't I be dead before you talk about implementing all this change?"  Which, of course, made me realize, without a protege in ministry or Divine Intervention by the Hand of the Almighty, which could include the Second Coming; this place will likely be sold after my death.

So, although I wouldn't trust my health or bank account to be handled the way I do, by anyone I know, it's not a matter of distrust, but just "acceptance."

Living Large and Loving It

For over 50 years, I felt bad about my appearance and size.  While I'm shaking my head and furrowing my brow at all this trans mess confusion, asking why they can't just appreciate their body as they were created, it hit me between the eyes.  Now mine isn't so severe as to dislike my gender, I'm glad I'm a girl, but I spent a lifetime hating my body, and that is also wrong.  Don't get me wrong, my body is far from perfect, but I was simply not created to be a size 4.  I did that sort of, one time in my life and caused myself serious harm.  Actually, only my skirt was a size 4, my blouses and blazers were still size 16.  I have to be very self-abusive to be what is considered thin in this society.  The flip side to the self-abuse though, is the constant remarks I hear from family and the lack of interest shown to me by Mr. B.  I'm not the image of obesity.  As a matter of fact, I get compliments from strangers, regularly, but like an idiot, I placed more value on the negative comments and treatment from family, then adopted that for my own perspective.  I should have allowed myself to be influenced by "the kindness of strangers."  I'm about to get personal here.

My skirts and leggings are less than plus size.  Depending upon the article of clothing, I am about a 14-16 or in generic sizing: large.  My tops on the other hand, are usually 2X and they do not appear to be oversized at all!  I do have to double cuff the long sleeved blouses though, as my upper body girth does exceed my upper body length.  I'm between 5'7" and 5'8" and finally, after developing a complex at 3 1/2 years of age, I have been delivered and gained victory!  HalleluYah!  This blog has done a lot in letting me see my feelings in writing, and how ridiculous some of my self-perception has been.  There have been times in my past, I seriously considered surgical alteration of my body.  It's like I wasted my best looking years feeling ugly and now that I'm long past 50, I'm feeling just pretty good about my appearance, at this age.

The natural health and beauty products I make really do keep my skin looking young.  Enjoying my time outdoors keeps my skin tone vibrantly bronzed and my muscles in pretty good tone.  I'm not as active as I could be, but homesteading does involve more physical activity than city living, for sure.  I received Abba's Word back in 2012, after a horrendous experience, the promises of the 103rd Psalm.  It's taken nearly three more years to get to the heart of my problem, and watching the Bruce Jenner headlines, I finally saw.  It's not a matter of being a perfect physical specimen, as a decathlon medal Olympian surely was.  It's about humbly not second guessing our Creator.

A Psalm of David. Bless YHWH, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless His Holy Name.  Bless YHWH, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits:  Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;  Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;  Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.  

It hasn't happened overnight, but you know, I carried that burden for a lot of years.  I have truly noticed although my locks are silver, my face has very few lines and I just continue to become more comfortable in my own skin.  My mom has decided once again to go on yet another diet.  She's played the diet yoyo game my entire life and she offered to share it with me.  My response, for the first time in my life was, "I'm not interested, I eat fresh organic food and I like my body the way it is."  She was clearly not expecting that response!  Actually, I was a bit surprised to hear myself say it, but I believe it!  

The Puny Princess

I certainly can't complain about my health.  Like most folks in my age range, there are a few things that just don't work like they used to.  Also like many folks, I certainly wish I'd taken better care of myself when I was younger.  If I were a vehicle, I'd say I put on too many miles on rough terrain and now the warranty is up, but thankfully I'm a work of the Creator's hand.  I'm doing a lot more than many and certainly feel better than I deserve to.

My grand uncle used to say he'd rather wear out as rust out . . . which brings me to this week's topic.  I've mentioned before that I have MS and RA.  I don't suffer nearly as bad as many do with these auto-immune diseases, but these afflictions do remind me of their presence, regularly.  This past week, the RA really made itself known, thus the title.  The rheumatoid arthritis knocked me for a bit of a loop.  I still got my pumpkin canned and met my usual responsibilities; well most of them, but I was in pain.  I didn't have as much strength as I'm used to and I found myself struggling with tasks that had never before been an issue.  Now when that happens, the first thought that invades my brain is the idea that it may never get better.  It's always going to be this difficult and painful.  I do my best to cast that thought out, as that is just borrowing trouble.  I'm not a good patient.  I get on my own nerves when I don't feel up to par.

You may disagree with me on this, but I believe most acquired illness has a spiritual root, and emotional factors.  I'm not talking about congenital issues, but acquired issues.  There are just too many examples in Scripture in which Messiah connected wellness and forgiveness; to ignore.  Then there is the fact that in the Hebrew Scriptures, the people were instructed to present their maladies to the High Priest, not to mention James 5:15.   As a natural health practitioner, I always seek our Creator in helping others and I've done some real soul searching regarding my own health.

I fully attribute my MS to internally melting down as a coping mechanism.  It may be something else for others, but that makes total sense in my life and situation.  In handling this disease from that perspective, I've let go of a number of battles that are not mine and although Abba has not chosen to grant me a full healing at this time, I'm very blessed to continue to be quite functional.  My gait is a bit awkward, and I'm a bit of a klutz, but I rarely suffer the fatigue so many experience.   I've dealt with many others who suffer RA and there is nearly always an underlying embrace and rejection issue.  A sort of push/pull situation in their life.  As it turns out, I'm not 'an exception to this theory.

As I've sought to have Abba's love in me, or to love as He loves, the reality has hit that I'm still guarded in a few areas of this endeavor.  He's placed me in the perfect situations to love without necessarily being loved in return, or worse, but I'm not yet fully trusting His protection in those situations.  This emotional push pull reality is more of a spiritual outreach or attempted embrace, then shield, withdraw or recoil.  It's not easy to do what Messiah did and what He taught.  This "loving our enemy" business is painful, especially when we try to protect ourselves.   Hopefully, now that I've actually recognized it, I'll be able to love without fear, and trust Abba for the protection.  This is not a "name it and claim it," "blab it and grab it," "declare and decree" statement, but a simple statement of fact of faith.  RA will not continue to make this princess feel puny!