What woman doesn't like to feel a little "princessy" once in awhile. I've never been one to enjoy the thought of just being ornamental, which as it turns out, is good. Otherwise, life would have been a real let down! Porcelain doll, I'm not, and kid gloves are not required but once in awhile, I'd still like to be "handled with care." That is not a loaded statement or one of innuendo, just once in awhile, a little pampering would be nice . . . I think. Not even pampering, just a comforting touch! That's it, a comforting touch. Again, let me reiterate; I miss ((HUGS))!
I've really been searching these past few years about the change I've sensed coming. I almost wrote soul searching, and for a time, I was quite introspective, but that was years ago. I've been searching and seeking Abba's answers in some strangely unresolved questions and situations for some time now, and all of the things He's brought to me and said, He'd already shown me, I just wasn't ready to see it. As it turns out, after praying to "Live the Bible," Abba has shown me passages that were "all mine." That's not to discount others, but simply passages that leapt off the page to me, for introspection, implementation, or experience.
In all honesty, I've not been the best of servants, but I've been outspoken and obedient to the point of being the target of false accusations and rejection. I truly do seek Abba that I may handle it graciously, but it hurts. It not only hurts my "human feelings," it hurts me that Messiah is disrespected and YHWH is discounted, as our society clings to traditions and self-defined images. When I pour out my tears on my couch as David mentioned in the Psalms, more than once, I've told Y'hshuwah, I need to feel his strong gentle touch. I need a hug! I just want to feel his big strong carpenter arms around me, and hear Him say, "Well done, I understand." It is then that he shows me, he is also hurt. While I'm sniveling about hurt feelings from some rant; He suffered, bled, and died for me as well as that ranting individual. He doesn't admonish me, nor condescend, but rather in His gentle, calming outstretched arms, I see the scars. It certainly puts my "human feelings" in perspective.
So, being "princessy" in the fairy tale sense is not my call, but I do know, it's not the princess part that is errant, but the fairy tale expectation; that is. Princess is not defined by earthly task or position, but rather simply by being a daughter of the King. I still remember hearing a sermon based upon Esther 4:14, knowing it was spoken to me, personally. As I reread Esther yet again, I rediscovered; her position as queen, not princess, was only for a greater work. She was placed in an unequally yoked position. Thankfully, my identity in Y'hshuwah has not been kept secret. I've been able to be open about my beliefs, quite open about my call, and my purpose.
As I look out the window and listen to the sounds of the homestead, I smile. This task to which I'm called, is the one for which Abba created me and equipped me. I can't imagine existing in the "kept life" that Esther lived . . . in a harem. Most of her time as queen was actually spent with tens, perhaps even hundreds of other women. Oy vey! How ill suited, I would be for that task. Some days may become wearisome in the need to be strong and sturdy, but He provides the strength! This is my place in the Kingdom for such a time as this.
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