Vanity?

I tend to think vanity is used to address a problem in women, while pride is more masculine, although both genders can engage in vanity and pride; and both are bad.  As of late, I've heard everything from a woman shaving her legs to bridgework and false teeth; labeled as vanity.  I'm old enough to remember when women's slacks were considered immodest and skirts had to be at the knee, not to mention the make-up issue.  Now there are the head coverings, swimwear debates, and proper blousing discussions.  Sometimes all this modesty seems to be rather vain.  Some of the modesty these days is beginning to look a bit too Islamic for me.

Invariably the modesty discussions on social media seem to really draw attention to the woman's body, face, and hair style.  I've gotten to the point, perhaps it's age, perhaps it's my track record, I'd just as soon answer all the questions posed, and volunteer all the potential subjects of blackmail that could occur.  Since Mr. B has no qualms about putting me on the spot, and I have one daughter who has a history of publicizing confidentiality, I figure whatever they know could appear on social media at any time.

 I cover my head, but my hair hangs long . . . except when I'm gardening and cooking, for practical reasons.  My hair is long past my waist. It gets hot and in the way in the garden, and nobody wants a four foot strand of hair in their dinner.  Scripture doesn't speak specifically as to the definition of modesty, but does mention a woman's long hair is her glory and to pray or prophesy publicly, her head should be covered.  Some scholars believe that to mean her hair is her covering . . .  Since I'm unsure, I don't cut my hair, and when I'm in public, my head is covered.  I've heard several other viewpoints and I don't argue them, nor do I feel the need to agree.

As for attire, I do wear a skirt and top with an overblouse.  I've read discussions on how high the top should be, the concern about cleavage, etc. when a woman leans over.  One discussion even addressed concern when gardening, that a woman could cause a man to lust by the way she held herself through the weeding or harvesting.  I don't carry it to that degree.  When I get dressed, no cleavage is showing at my neckline . . . as the day wears on, I just hope nothing sags beneath the hemline of my top.  Although I don't publicly announce it, I'm quite buxom and since my kids know my bra size, I don't consider it to be a secret.  Nor do I consider honesty to be immodest.  If somebody wants to know something, just ask.  I don't mind telling the truth, nor do I mind telling someone straight out, "it's none of your business."

I am in a quandary when it comes to swimwear.  I really enjoy swimming, but my last few years as a lifeguard in my early 40s did make me feel a bit self-conscious in the uniform suit.  I've since gone with a sort of swim dress type suit, but I certainly wouldn't even consider trying to swim in the presence of the Torah modesty crowd.  Does that make me a hypocrite?  Maybe . . .  What I have discovered in reading and observing these modesty discussions, is at least for me, I think my modesty is based more upon self-consciousness than morality.  I simply don't see myself as evoking any lustful feelings in any man.

Many of the dresses, skirts, and nearly all of the headcoverings really do seem to be making a fashion statement, and trendy fashion can be quite a display of vanity.  It's as if modesty is a fashion trend, rather than a matter of the heart.  I don't see myself getting into the covering competition or modesty pageant.  I've always considered a modest woman to be one who is dressed appropriately, gracious in her demeanor, and simply unfocused on herself.

Modesty

This is a subject in which I am not claiming any expertise, whatsoever.  Scripture says we are to be modest, with very little detail as what that actually entails.  I'll describe my own appearance, but I'm also going to give the reasons for my choice.  I want to align my appearance with Scripture, but in true Scriptural obedience, I would be remiss to insist anyone else dress as I do.   Before I continue, much of what defines a woman's modesty is the way she carries herself and conducts her behavior.

I wear a skirt and top, with an overblouse.  I don't do that because I believe slacks are unacceptable, I do it because I have a complex about my own appearance of femininity.  I can't help but wonder if many of the so-called definitions of modesty are really based more upon a hang-up than a sense of propriety.  The women of Orthodox Judaism as well as some Christian denominations insist that long sleeves are to be worn.  As we women get older, life shifts.  I'll be honest here, I wear sleeves, because my upper arms are stereotypically now "grandma arms."  I don't believe young women or even older women are being immodest if their arms are not covered.  Shoulders revealed can have sexual overtones, but that is not always the case.  Summer sundresses come to mind, not as immodest or seductive, but simply carefree.

In mentioning skirts, of course, length does determine modesty, and so does style.  A very form fitting skirt can be immodest.  As I write this, I feel like I'm offering all sorts of potential issues, and that is not the intent. I haven't even addressed form fitting blouses and head coverings . . . We certainly do not need to take tips on modesty from Islam.  There is nothing wrong with a woman of YHWH looking attractive.  We know Naomi sent Ruth to Boaz looking and smelling nicely.  Esther was actually in a beauty regimen for several months.  Sarah was beautiful, even in her golden years.  Abba created women to have a beauty about them, and there's no shame in that.

Some women feel more comfortable with their head and hair covered, and that's fine, but it's not Torah.  Paul said a woman should have her head covered to pray or prophesy in public.  I, personally, cover my head, but leave my hair hanging long, when in public . . . to be ready to pray or give a word.  It's not Torah, so it's not etched in stone!  When it comes to modest tops, since women are not all built the same, there is no single answer.  I don't believe we are called to diminish our form, but by the same token we should certainly not be putting ourselves on display.

When Messiah said to "be ready," I believe that also includes our appearance.  An easy way for a woman to determine what it is to dress modestly, is to assess whether her attire is functional to be about the Father's business.

No Appearance of Evil

I don't talk much about it, and I don't have any success in this particular life experience, but I do know a thing or two about marriage . . . I have cumulative experience in EPIC FAIL!  Suddenly though, in this past couple of weeks, I've gained a new perspective, and revisited an old one.

Marriage, even a bad one is still a covering.  Years ago, I was so sure the last one was going to be "the one."  Well it is . . . the last one!  Even though Mr. B and I are not one in spirit, there are many benefits this situation affords regarding the service to which I'm called.  Once I realized my old exit route, divorce; was not an option in this case and got over my sniveling and whining, I began to see things differently.  This past couple of weeks, I've gained amazing new insight.  When I listen to other women discuss their lifestyle and marital considerations, I really have it pretty easy.  Mr. B. doesn't want to deal with me most of the time, which means I have a great deal of time that is unencumbered.  As long as I fix meals and keep the laundry clean, I can spend the rest of my time on the work to which I'm called.  It's almost like being single, except, I've finally recognized the marital perks.

In setting up this community, there is nothing hindering any newcomers from coming aboard.  Men, women, singles, couples, there is no appearance of evil, and no reason for misunderstanding.  If I were single, with the way things are in the world today, I wouldn't be able to establish this community.  Certainly no single men could come on board without dowry in hand . . . I don't have that kind of faith, and I don't know any men who do either.   Then there's the whole gay presumption issue now, so the same gendered ministry team would still raise questions.  Single women offering ministry beyond children would not be well received either, and this is quite remote for people to bring their children and drop them off for a Bible lesson . . . so, it's all starting to make more sense.  It would be great if I was already part of a team, but since this is Abba's plan, He already knew and continues to know how it will unfold.  He really doesn't have to keep me clued in.

Being in an undivorced, spiritual nonunion, there aren't the social expectations and awkwardness in the advances of potential suitors . . . yes even at my age.  LOL   The social engagements or family obligations of actually being a couple are frequently avoided.  This is kind of like living in a dorm with no common interests . . . I can't speak for him, but I'm very thankful he wasn't all fired-up mega-mess like so many were back then.  I didn't get dragged through the Word of Faith movement or the Mega-church Motivational stuff.  Even though he really hurt my feelings in the beginning, it was a relief when the truth came out.  At first it seemed rather odd, but it's been this way so long, it actually seems right for the plan.

  This "arrangement" has also served to protect me from folks who are not to be here, that came scoping their opportunity.  There will be no "take over" of this mission.   I'm still believing for a 5 fold ministry to gather and I've got the round table ready.  In looking at marriage in Scripture, many of them were simply arrangements for a bigger purpose . . . This princess is ready to host a gathering.  Singles, couples, it doesn't matter.  The foundation is in place that there will be no appearance of evil, and only expectations of service to Abba.