Reality and retrospect have converged in my life and I am truly thankful for what the King of the universe has done, in making me one of His daughters. It seems I had to be declared a senior citizen in this culture for me to truly embrace the Plan YHWH has for me. I've been serving Him for nearly 20 years, but it suddenly feels like the first few years were training. I heard two very clear statements from YHWH, back in 1999, but the preparation did not happen overnight.
I find myself amazed at so many who have come into truth and instantly claim authority. Not that I doubt that it can happen, it's just not something I can relate to. But then I realize as I listen to these people, they had a confidence before they ever met Messiah, that I simply didn't have. YHWH has been very patient with me, and thankfully, didn't allow me to have positions of authority that would have resulted in wrong teaching. Wrong teaching has gained horrendous momentum, and yet; His truth stands forever. As I look back over the years of preparation, I also find myself glimpsing even farther back, just something that was instrumental along the way, that I didn't realize at the time.
I'm truly thankful that I didn't have any confidence before I had confidence in Messiah. I always knew I wasn't a beautiful woman, and I didn't exactly fit into any crowd, all along. I wasn't ugly and I wasn't anti-social, just not like anybody else, and had no idea or appreciation at the time for how unique we all are. Now, at 55, I have a different perspective. I have the privilege of being the unique individual I am and walk in the confidence my Creator gave me. I have the joy of appreciating others who are also unique. I am also very thankful as time has moved on, that I didn't place my confidence in youthful beauty. In looking in the mirror, I can honestly be thankful that I can't miss what I never had!
I am not writing this from a self-pity aspect at all. I've always felt my best traits were in my talents and accomplishments. The truth is, I've always been told I have beautiful eyes, and they are unique to my complexion, but more than that, they are a light to my whole being and a window to my soul. Y'hshuwah chose me and made my soul beautiful, even before I knew Him. Although, what I do in my life, I am doing it as unto YHWH, but it is nice to hear that another life has been impacted positively with something I've done. I've been blessed to have people come up and ask me if I'm me because they recognized my voice from my radio show, or leave comments at my blogs, or even call to let me know my latest book really touched them. Being in business, I always enjoy a good report on one of my product lines. All in all, those compliments mean so much more to me than, "Twenty-five years ago and you were just gorgeous!"
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the
gates. Proverbs 31:31