Beauty from Ashes

Life hasn't exactly turned out the way I expected it to, or to be truly honest; the way I'd hoped it would.  I struggled with that for a time, I mean struggled, literally with YHWH.  I now walk like Jacob . . . But there is a firm reality within me, that may not have ever come to be, had it all turned out "happily ever after," by our societal standards.

I am truly looking forward to these High Holy Days that are coming up.  I feel like it's going to finally close the door on some old sadness and open the door to some very bright opportunities.  I truly, in my heart of hearts, could not be sorrier for the things I did before I came to YHWH in Y'hshuwah.  I also, could not be more grateful to know I've been forgiven by Him.  

I still remember Him asking me if I was willing to give up everything I thought I knew . . . That was a much bigger question than I realized and my answer, "Yes," was a much bigger statement than I could have possibly realized.  I think, of all the doctrine, I thought was sound, the only three things I still believe are.  1.  Our Creator is Supreme over all, and now I am blessed to know His Name, which is translated in English; YHWH.  2.  His Son did come to show us how to live, and to give Himself for us, that we can be forgiven and follow Him.  3.  He's coming again.

Everything else has changed, and changed dramatically!   I do not believe in OSAS.  I'm not expecting a pretribulation rapture.  I do not believe in being stuck in our sinful mistakes, nor am I expecting YHWH to fix all the mistakes I made before I came to Him.  Some things I did, I simply have acknowledge the mistake, accept the consequences, and let go of the condemnation.  I am reminded many times over of the Patriarchs in my life.

I've already compared my wrestling with the similar results of Jacob.  I am frequently reminded of the number of times Abraham took matters into his own hands.  He lied about his wife, not once but twice, and then we're all familiar with the child outside of G-d's plan . . . While we all like to cling to the promise of Abraham, we sometimes forget the covenant responsibility he carried to be called YHWH's friend.

I've come to accept the fact that I won't be nominated for "Mother of the Year!"   Having gotten an early start as "the Woman at the Well," a loving earthly marriage isn't likely in the plan for me, but I have a wonderful Bridegroom who adores me and is coming back for me!   In accepting the fact that I simply cannot make these matters right.  My effort doesn't even meet societal standards!  But, I've discovered G-d has a different standard.  To earn approval is nice, but to be loved and forgiven is unsurpassed.

I've learned being content in all things, is to experience the beauty; and it's not my job to clean up the ashes!  HalleluYah!