More than a few years ago in prayer, I told YHWH I wanted to be His friend, like Abraham, and be a woman after His own heart like David was a man after His own heart. That was when prayer turned to communion and fellowship; and my life turned upside down. Let me qualify the contents of this article by clearly stating, I am not experiencing a god complex, but rather I've gotten a taste of how we, His creation, and some of us, His children treat Him. Next thing I know, I was led to write a book . . . and received the reviews, interpretations, questions, comments, and critiques.
We all know the folks that are "Christian" in name only, or Jewish by birth.
Well, I came across a husband who wanted to be married in name only, but, of course, to receive the blessings of a faithful wife . . . He wanted the promises of the covenant, but he continued to re-write his conditions of the covenant, and every time there was an attempt to work together, guess how it went and who got blamed? Now, I'm only comparing small non-essential events to this scenario, but . . . How many times do we hear that very thing in the wake of crisis. Where was G-d when such and such happened? I thought so and so was supposed to be a preacher or a servant of G-d . . . YHWH and His servants receive a ton of bad PR, but unlike we humans, His bad PR is all undeserved.
There are also those folks who tend to talk about prayer and may even attend church or synagogue in the wake of a crisis. Many parents have experienced that with older teens or young adult children. We hear from some, for a time, only when they want something or are in crisis. I've been through that with a daughter. Each attempted interaction became even more strained and difficult. I felt that she was tolerating me as best she could and I hate the fact that I made her feel that way. We've discussed feelings and to this day and she thinks I discounted hers. As a mother I "felt" awful about making her feel bad . . . Each family ordeal turned more inside out than the usual dysfunction until the final escalation and strangely there is peace that came with that. A decision was finally made.
G-d knew that would be the case with His children, as He put in His Word, and I'm paraphrasing, "Don't forget Me in the good times." It's easy to remember a loving G-d or a loving parent, when we hit rock bottom. I've even suggested to many folks that G-d likes to hear from His children and if He only hears from us in times of trouble . . . we're certainly not living in His protection and providence. The prodigal son came home when he'd exhausted all other possibilities and realized a pig pen was no place for a nice Jewish boy and he'd be better off as his father's hired servant.
We've also heard for years, those who don't think G-d is fair to all. I mean, what about when He lets bad things happen to good people? First, who says we're good? I'm now seeing, after having put my own story in writing, it leaves me open to all, and vulnerable to to the critical judgment of those who choose to read my work. I've actually experienced feedback challenging and debating my intent, message, and accuracy. Hmmm . . . doesn't that sound like the "interpretation of Paul's writings?" Not to mention the words of Y'hshuwah being repeated out of context. And the ultimate debate over whether G-d still means for Torah to be in effect and if "forever" is really interpreted to be . . . forever. In this, I've had just a small taste of what it is to go to the trouble to offer something, only to have it rebuffed and edited. I've also come to understand in my own shortcomings in this area, just how good He truly is.
Our society is full of those who believe compassion and condoning are one in the same . . .
I think the strangest part of all of this is the recent revelation in which I was informed by a loved one that said they knew I loved them, but didn't think I liked them. I thought of John 3:16 and I John 4:8, when I heard it. Scripture tells us G-d loves the world, and He is love, but Scripture also tells us a great number of things that do not please Him. Please hear this, once again. I am not claiming perfection here, but rather a glimpse of insight into what YHWH deals with, with us, which is to say, His heart. That individual was correct. I do love them, still do, but cannot find a place of comfortable connection and unfortunately "aiming for it, seems more like taking jabs . . ." Oddly, the words now spoken don't change my feelings of love or like. With YHWH all things are possible, and it is possible to love someone without liking them . . . It's also completely possible to hope in YHWH that circumstances change.
Then there are the awesome folk who are used by the enemy to be reminiscent of the past . . . That's a tough one, I still struggle. There have been occasions in which I've slammed doors and dishes to keep from saying what's flying through my mind, until I can get alone with YHWH and bring the thoughts captive in Y'hshuwah. Truth of the matter is, even with "new life" the old one will tend to creep back in when the old accusations and past are flung at us. We can still love those people and realize they are being used by the enemy, in their own unhappiness. We don't have to condone behavior to have compassion for them, and we mustn't condone our own shortcomings if we want victory.
I used to think love could not exist without trust, but in years of ministry and varying circumstances I can honestly say there are a number of folks I've loved, but couldn't trust. What made those relationships so volatile was the fact that I wanted to trust them. I wanted them to be who I wanted them to be. I set us both up, time and time again, by my expectations. By that same token, I can love people who don't trust me and really aren't too wild about my perspective of life. Love and trust don't necessarily go hand in hand. Love can be generalized, trust is specific to an interactive relationship of comfort. YHWH wants us to trust Him as well as love Him. John tells us He loves the world, but the Psalmist tells us in the 25th Psalm, YHWH is particular about who He trusts . . .
This is not to reduce YHWH to our level, nor is it to elevate our own worth, but simply to see just how many ways we treat Him like we treat each other, or even worse and more taken for granted. I truly believe that G-d loves all of His creation, humanity in particular, but He doesn't like everything we do, and His Word is pretty clear about not liking our attitudes and intentions. It seems the more I seek Him and His heart, the more I see how much we hurt each other and how much we hurt Him, and how very gracious and merciful He truly is; and has been with me.
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