A check in my spirit began to gnaw a while back, but I wasn't really sure what it meant. I knew it had to do with Goshen, but just, well in my usual coping manner, got busy and tried to make sure I didn't commit whatever might be causing the check. I figured if I was real busy on projects, I wouldn't be guilty of whatever had caused Abba to first give my heart a tug. I knew it had to do with the place here, but it seemed to also have to do with Sukkot and the five fold ministry.
The "door of invitation" is not mine to open or close! Suddenly, the reality that Sukkot was called for Jerusalem and trying to make it happen here, in Goshen would cheapen the entire observation. He didn't tell me to advise everyone to buy tickets to Jerusalem; rather He said those who were led to be here would come without formal fan fair, but simply be led and drawn. What a note of relief for me, as I am a social, mainstream, dork, lacking skills of small talk . . .
I really wanted to please Abba, still do, but the realization that He made me the way I am, doesn't call for a remake in every aspect. I am not a socially needy person. I can read and write with little human interaction for days on end. I get up early, pray, have my devotions, do chores which involves talking to Abba, Messiah, and the critters, come back in and start working. When Mr. B does get up, he doesn't say anything or even acknowledge me. I'm not anti-social, just used to being non-social and shunned, I guess. I was really concerned that folks might come and be very dissatisfied with me. That's on old discomfort that, thankfully, is now only a small part of my life with just a handful of people.
Without worrying about how to do this, I simply told Abba I had truly embraced the idea of hosting a Sukkot gathering, but I knew this divided house would not be a comfortable atmosphere for guests. It was at this point, I simply shrugged my shoulders and determined to trust Abba regardless of how things looked. As it turns out, this isn't such a convenient location for distant folks to come, and there are several gatherings scheduled in many areas nearby. My hostessing is unneeded, but my enthusiasm to share is being directed to surrounding areas, solving both problems.
I'm a pretty well behaved guest and definitely a gifted talents coach, so I'll be sharing outside of Goshen, which solves the divided house issue as well. Our King is just so smart!