Sunday, September 11, 2016

Another Chance

I somehow knew, deep down, when I declared this year to be the year I would not tolerate intentional disrespect, the tests would come . . . I'm just a little over half way into this declaration and in the beginning, it got down right crazy.  People that have barely spoken to me in months, even years, were suddenly in touch.  Folks that insisted upon a "parting of the ways" religiously, are back wanting to chat.  I'm a bit shocked at my own responses.  I haven't hung up on anyone or thrown anyone out, yet . . . but; the very first thing that crosses my mind in these regular occurrences is:  'The clock is ticking on this year.  As of now, it's half over!  I don't have time for this.'

I've gotten far too old and let too much go, to miss experiencing just one year of not inviting disrespect.  I just want a little taste, then I'll go back to the rejection, judgment, rude comments, phone games, and all the stuff that goes along with our current American society, and my status therein.  In this particular life, however; I've come to ignore name calling, being categorized and labeled, and generally in dealing with certain situations, I tend to have what I call my "shoulder shrug / eye roll response.  I'm developing boundaries when someone insists upon participating in my projects or visits my place.  I'm always open to a better idea, and sometimes it simply makes no difference, but I've also come to a place of accepting their choice to be negative and even watch them go away mad.  There are things in life that really are disturbing and painful and while I do feel sorry for negative know-it-alls, I don't take their words, personally.  I like to think it's maturity and wisdom, but it could just be apathy . . .

Social media has been a good training ground for me.  Most of what I consider to be a bit outlandish can just be ignored, which is so much better than situations in person, where they can see my expression.  My poker face just isn't what it used to be, but I don't really mind just openly shutting down in front of rudeness, either.  I had a dream not long ago, and the participants were becoming a bit agitated, myself included.  Since I do have the history of the other individuals storming out when I do something that annoys them; in the dream, I simply asked, very straight faced, if I needed to quietly do those things they find annoying enough to storm out . . . then I awoke.

I'm not, for a moment, kidding myself that I will receive respect from some individuals, and certainly not from those who haven't shown it all these years, but I am adamant about not receiving disrespect, this year. The rude disrespect can wait until next year, or who knows, at the end of this year, those who find me worthy of disrespect may not be speaking at all.

This may sound rather harsh, but I've discovered the joy in not being included.  I've come to the place in life in which I really don't regret the absence of "another chance."

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