Sunday, January 14, 2018

True Confession of a Peculiar Princess

Scripture uses the term "peculiar" as a very good and special description of the people of The Most High.  Of course, our society has a different, somewhat negative definition, and truthfully, both definitions fit me.  My Heavenly Father calls me peculiar, in a very good way, because His Son has made that happen.  Our society calls me peculiar, because I march to a drumbeat most do not hear.  It's at this point in life, however; I'm not marching so well . . .

I've been giving the idea of becoming 60 some serious thought for a few months now.  I'm not going to be an "old lady" in a red hat, or an old lady dressed in purple, although I may wear those vibrant colors . . . I'm going to be sporting a red walker, while my silver locks are adorned with a tiara! 

I truly wanted to be vibrantly healthy at 60.  I was hoping for a much better year than last . . . I got so much accomplished in 2016, and then literally fell flat just as 2017 rolled in.  I got over the first fall, pretty well.  I never missed chores or even a day's milking, but the second fall was another matter, entirely!  For a time, life came to a screeching halt.  I literally couldn't get up and down on the milking stool, so a very dear friend helped me dry off Annabelle.  He offered to continue milking her, but I told him we needed to dry her off, as I knew this recovery was going to take some time.    Between you, me and the fence post, I didn't expect it to take THIS MUCH time!  There were a few days, the only thing that didn't hurt was my right pinkie and it has a scar from years ago . . . The road to recovery was rockier than the gravel road that leads here, and it had more ravines.

The bruises have diminished and most of the bones are back in place, but the MS has been ugly.  I can honestly say, for the first time in nearly 20 years out of mainstream health care and off of pharmakeia, I've had a temptation or two.  The thought of just one day pain free has crossed my mind, more than once; but then I'm reminded the pharmakeia doesn't heal MS or even eliminate the pain, it just numbs my brain.  With my body needing extra rest and my brain not being numbed, sometimes my mind has wandered back to the years I wasted . . . back when I had energy and a stable gait, but I simply can't focus on the past and keep the vision in sight.  Father's grace truly is sufficient.  He forgave me for those wasted years.  I've been blessed to meet a great many people who also struggle with chronic illness and autoimmune disease.  I want them to know, they still have purpose in this world!  And I continue to pray and seek natural formulas, that folks may become free of pharmakeia.

In this year of injury, MS exacerbation, and chronic pain like I've never felt before, I've come to realize; stoicism is not the answer.  I can't just grit my teeth and push my way through some of this.  After 12 years of running a homestead with a walking stick, I have to move on to a walker, if I want to keep moving.  I think for a number of years, folks just saw my walking stick as a sort of "prop" for my image, but deep down, I knew I needed it for the balance.  That fact was confirmed nearly six years ago when I fell and broke my arm while walking without it.  My son-in-law could always find me, by where my walking stick was leaning . . . and I can assure you, this walker will be hard to miss.

I can't say the tiara will be a daily part of my attire, but on days I forget who I am and Whose I am, it will be a nice reminder.






2 comments:

  1. So sorry to hear this but I knew you were sick. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  2. Father is going to use this season just as mightily as every other - or more so! You're walking (or walk/rolling ;-P) with such grace, through this. HalleluYah that Father knows He can entrust His princess with such a treacherous path of royalty. Crowns and treasures piling up for you as you let Him use the pain to show others the Way. What an encouragement to me.

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