True Confession

I've made no bones about my marital track record.  Even before following Messiah in Covenant, I had a certain "code of ethics" regarding fornication, adultery, and marriage.  My "code of ethics" was not according to the Laws of G-d, therefore my "code of ethics" amounted to nothing more than doing what was right in my own eyes.  The Bible calls that sin and my version of it resulted in way too many marriages.  Once I began following Messiah in Covenant, my code of ethics was replaced with obedience to The Word, or at least my understanding and I'm still learning and growing in my understanding.  I'm not fornicating or committing adultery, and even though I am legally married, my husband rejected me years ago, so I am celibate.  In looking back, I've wondered if this has to do with remarriage after divorce.  On to the greater issue, though; and that is one of the recent understandings I've come to is my perception and reason for modesty.

My style of modesty has remained about the same now, for nearly 20 years, but I cannot say it's been based purely on spiritual conviction and Scripture.  Much of my style, appearance, and behavior has sadly been based more upon my low self-esteem than my true spiritual convictions.  This past month, that is changing.  Bringing glory and honor to my Heavenly Father should be primary in every decision I make.  The world sees my outward appearance and as far as I know, there's no evil to be spoken of in my appearance, but Adonai sees my heart.  The truth of the matter is, the motivation behind my dress and behavior needed an upgrade, a serious upgrade!

Slacks and jeans went by the way side in the mid 90s.  I'm not teaching a doctrine here, simply stating I felt slacks took away from my femininity.  That isn't the case for all women, but it is for me.  Then if there is any weight gain or shift, slacks can become "too tight" very quickly, so broom skirts became my style.  I began wearing "over blouses," first for more color, then for a feeling of security in regard to my bosom, and upper arm . . . well "over 40 upper arm."  I do not believe showing some skin on my arms is a sin, and not all of my over blouses are long sleeved, but they all come close to my elbows.  That's the deal though, it's not about covering for modesty, it's about covering my upper arm sag.  One could say that reason is vanity.  I prefer to think of it as "just good policy."  I do not believe a woman must be covered from chin to ankles, as that sounds a lot like a burqa.  Frumpy attire and a prudish appearance are not necessary to bring glory to Abba.  I don't believe it's a sin to dress attractively; as long as one knows the difference between attractive and provocative . . .

Recently, I got over myself!  I may not have a body like Kate Middleton, but I am a princess, nonetheless; and Mr. B's attitude toward me is his issue, not mine.  I am where I am and "it is what it is."  Married to someone who has rejected my beliefs and my body has not been an easy adjustment, but there really is no sorting it out.  Just because the only man who will ever again see my body naked is the coroner, is a choice that is no longer based upon a poor self-image!  I choose to no longer be ashamed of the body my Creator made for me, but to be modest and chaste to bring glory to my Heavenly Father and walk in the anointing He has purposed for me.