A Real Woman

We hear so much about what a real man is expected to do, but what is expected in our society from "a real woman."  In many ways our society has missed entirely, what it is to be "real!"

Here is the perspective of a peculiar princess as to what it is to be a real woman.  A real woman is not idle. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.  She is clean and usually neat, dressed efficiently and appropriately, although not necessarily trendy.  A real woman is confident without being controlling.  A real woman displays self-control, usually . . .

A real woman is not defined by others, but rather seeks the definition of YHWH.  A real woman doesn't define her man, either.  Many women, it seems, and I know there are deniers across the board, but many women explain proper roles of the household to their men.  If a woman tells a man how the household is supposed to run and what his responsibility is, she's the head of the household.  I know I've been in the situation in which, I've heard myself saying, "The man does ________ , I'm supposed to be the helpmeet."  I can tell you from experience, that doesn't work . . . at least not well.  If the roles are determined by the woman, the relationship order is still out of order.

A real woman offers comfort without enabling, nurtures without mollycoddling, and offers honest encouragement, not false praise or harsh criticism.  A real woman can manage a budget and that task is often deferred to her.  The reality is, the man is often the primary breadwinner, and the woman most often more aware of household expenses.  Proverbs 31:10 says it this way, and I do believe this pertains to household financial management.  The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

A real woman knows she would be disappointed in herself, if vanity superseded character.  A real woman desires to walk in virtue and integrity.  A real woman also knows, she doesn't always get it right!

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears YHWH, she shall be praised.

Sharing Portions

Now that I'm not in town in the Mission with children in and out regularly, I find I'm not as interested in baking various goods to "share portions" around the neighborhood.  I'm not experiencing that momentary Elijah syndrome, as I know I'm not "the only one;" but I haven't run across any Torah observers for miles around.  This year, I just wasn't in the mood to bake breads and cakes to distribute, while receiving the extra bonus of hearing a "NT only" sermon.

I prayed about that before Purim, as in this isolation, I do not want to become calloused and closed off.  Our Heavenly Father is amazing, simply, amazing.  As I was making some changes in the online store and preparing orders this week, questions began to literally pour in.  It was an opportunity to share a new kind of "portions" and see the rest of this verse.  The Jews of the villages sent portions to one another.  It wasn't an outreach event at all!  It was a celebration amongst like minded individuals.

Therefore the Jews of the villages, that dwelt in the unwalled towns, made the fourteenth day of the month Adar a day of gladness and feasting, and a good day, and of sending portions one to another.  Esther 9:19

Interesting, isn't it, how we can read the same passages year after year, and suddenly, see something we've never seen before?  Ideas for next Purim are already stirring.  If the internet continues to serve as a means to connect fellow servants, we have an opportunity that Elijah and Obadiah's prophets in the cave didn't have.  Knowing at some point the internet probably won't be available, we have the blessing of knowing others are out there and who knows, there will hopefully be time for some of us to gather in various locations to fellowship in person.

Esther 4:14 has been a responsibility for years, and one I've taken seriously.  Since I'm not exactly the image of a Princess, it's been such a blessing knowing my birthday on the Hebrew calendar is actually mentioned in Esther, several times.   Now to see this celebration of Purim, in new light and to be able to celebrate in a new way, has been such a blessing.

Polish Your Tiara!

I have to admit, I get a bit excited about Purim, regardless of all the teachings by the "johnny come latelies."  Purim is in the book of Esther and although it isn't included in the High Holy Days or Feast Days as some call them, it is Scripture and my birthday on the Hebrew calendar is mentioned more than once in this book of Esther.  I really do not understand why the latest gnat straining teaches against celebrating Purim.

Granted, the event begins rather grizzly on the 13th, but what's wrong with the feasting and sharing portions?  I realize there are many extras that have been added, like costumes and revelry.  I can't help but wonder if this isn't where the Catholics got their Mardi Gras, yet I digress . . .

When I was running the mission in town, of course we read the book of Esther with groggers sounding.  Then the children would each gather baked snacks or candy and share them with the surrounding neighbors.  And oh, we made crowns, of course.  Esther was a queen.  What's wrong with having a few celebrations that are not exactly somber, not commanded, but not forbidden.

Jeremiah 10 tells us we are not to take on the traditions of the heathen. Purim is a festival of the people of YHWH.  No other people have cause for such celebration.  I get a bit discouraged when I see how rigid some folks insist we become to be the people of Elohim.   As these end of days unfold, I think it's going to be very encouraging to celebrate the protection and victory of the people of YHWH through Chanukkah and Purim.

Meanwhile, my Purim tiara was lost in my last move, but that won't stop me from having a princess day and making some treats to share with the neighbors!

Beauty

If you've been led to believe you are not beautiful, put away what you have been told!  Turn that tape OFF!  This is not to encourage vanity, but rather to appreciate our Creator's perspective.  I grew up with an inferiority complex that was larger than life.  My parents did the best they could, but they were just kids themselves when I came along, so . . . Not only did they lack the maturity in parenting skills, but the fact that I was a truly odd duck, didn't help.  By the age of three, I remember very clearly, praying, asking G-d to make me invisible.  The self-consciousness expanded exponentially, once I realized the answer to that prayer was, "No."

I was four years old in this picture, and I'd already been given the concept that I was overweight.  I did not have a similar pigment to any other child I knew, and I was a tall kid who rarely looked up.  Then there were all the comments I overheard, made by family members regarding my being left-handed.  I was so nervous about doing something wrong, I didn't even drop the flower petals at this wedding.  I'm sure you can imagine what ensued from there.  Hearing the sniggers in the crowd, I naturally assumed they were laughing AT me.  I stood motionless, or as best I could for all the photos that followed, and of all things, I had to stand in the front, right in front, of the new couple . . . It would be 50 years before I would be comfortable enough to sit in front of a camera.  Oh, I'm in plenty of pictures, but it's very clear, it's not my choice to be in front of the camera.  If I was looking at the camera, it always captured my "self-conscious need to flee."   If the photo was a candid shot, which many were, I had a ridiculous expression, or my underwear was showing, or something that didn't really need to be captured for time in memorial.  When I saw the camera come out, I literally looked for the exit.

I tried to come out of my shell for a time in my late teens and early twenties, but that was a catastrophe, a complete and utter catastrophe.  It was then that I got the idea to abuse myself with caffeine, nicotine, and herbal stimulants.  I became unnaturally thin and self-deprecating humor became my style.  I felt if I was putting myself down, I was at least beating everyone else to the punch.  I still couldn't see who our Creator had made me to be and even worse than that, I was disrespecting Him, by rejecting the way He'd made me.  It was as if I was judging G-d, Himself.  Yet, He still loved me.  When I did come to Him at the age of 36, the victory over this issue didn't happen instantly.  It would be nearly two more decades before I would include a photo of myself.

I loved writing, and I didn't need my image on a book to get the message out.  My first webpage went live in 2001, then in 2006 there was EinGedi.us.  Even when I moved and established the Land of Goshen, I never considered including my photograph.  I had a radio show for some time, and that was perfect.  I could get the message out, speak with people, and remain unseen.  When my friend offered to create a logo and illustrate the home page, he insisted that he add a photo of me.  Reluctantly, I finally agreed, but asked him if he could draw an image rather than use a photograph.  It was in seeing my caricature, that I finally accepted me.  In seeing everything I'd always been self-conscious about, exaggerated . . . something just clicked in my perspective.  Self-consciousness is a convoluted form of vanity that serves no one.  

YHWH doesn't create mistakes and He doesn't make anything or anyone ugly, and I've included a video of a young man who happens to agree with me.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151596857991831&set=vb.110153655727666&type=2&theater

Relationship Advice

As of late, I find myself listening to a number of people who are contemplating and weighing out relationship issues.  I am a pretty good listener when it comes to that subject, because although, I've probably made most of the relationship errors, I have virtually no advice to offer . . . and so I listen, and sometimes offer examples of pitfalls to avoid.

As I've heard everyone speak of what they want in a partner, and I remember back when the religious single groups would tell the desperate members to "make a list" of traits they wanted in a spouse.  Naturally, everyone wanted a spiritual partner, and gender specifically, women wanted a spiritual leader, and men wanted a spiritual help meet.  Great words, but vague; and practical application is highly subjective.  I've yet to hear a woman who speaks of her husband leading, without hearing how she's explained his role to him.  And I am completely amazed at the number of men who know exactly how a woman should behave . . .

I can't believe I'm offering this advice, but it's sort of a "I can't be a good example, so I'm a horrible warning" type situation.  Don't make a list of what you want in someone else, and whatever you do, if you're a woman wanting a spiritual leader, don't find one you have to teach . . . Duh.  And men, if you want a woman who is a good help meet, why would you expect her to just automatically read your mind?  Rather than your woman just assuming she knows what you need or telling you what you need, wouldn't you prefer to hear, "What can I do to help you?"  "What would you like?"

In looking or waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right to come along, here's my suggested list.  Write down the five things about you, that you feel are the most vital to your identity.  The five things you like the most about yourself . . . or what G-d has brought in you.  Then make a list of five things that are not so awesome about yourself, and be honest.  No false humility!  Now don't make copies and hand them out at the next singles gathering.  Rather look honestly at that list, then tuck it away, but don't forget about it.

Those five things that you believe are your character assets, those are the blessings you would be bringing into the relationship as a leader or help meet.  The partner our Creator has for you will admire, appreciate, and delight in those traits.  And those five things that aren't so wonderful . . . the right partner will overlook, or encourage, or shield.  They might not always choose the right reaction, every time, but they will know it's a weakness.

The right partner will not discount your strengths and focus on your weaknesses.  To desire to be appreciated or cherished, respected or honored for our contributions and effort is human nature.  We cannot wait for someone else to establish us as a person.  El Shaddai has already established us.  To know what our priorities are will keep us from compromising our values, which would prove disastrous down the road.  To recognize our own weaknesses, keep us from being defined or exploited.

To make an honest list of our own assets and liabilities before our Creator, takes the focus off of our own expectations and places it exactly where our focus should be.  For women, it's not what I want in a husband, but these talents or gifts YHWH has placed in me is what my husband will need to complete him.  Men, it's not what I want a woman to be like, but rather, this is who I am, and YHWH knows the help I need, and I will cherish her for who she is!

This personal list keeps us mindful that we have a responsibility to bring more to every relationship than our expectations of others.

. . . And Another Thing

Last week, I addressed the fact that Scripture doesn't tell us we will be exempt from overwhelming burdens and problems.  We are told YHWH will make a way for us.  This week, I have to address the original term in that "G-d won't give us more than we can handle."  Who says G-d is doling out burdens in the first place?  Granted, G-d does test His people from time to time, and although I don't give him much mention, there is an adversary.

Honestly, I hear about a lot more attacks of the enemy than I really think exist, but that's a topic for yet another article.  Much of what we deal with in the way of burdens or "not more than we can handle" appears to be what we try to handle ourselves, what we don't turn over to our Heavenly Father, or the residual consequences of sin, as in judgment.  Yielding to temptation seems to produce most of the situations referred to as "G-d won't give us more than we can handle."  He didn't send the temptation, to begin with.

I know I'm sounding all preachy today, but this is serious.  Our Heavenly Father deserves more glory than He gets in our martyred whining.  I'm speaking for myself, here, as I think of the things that seemed an overwhelming burden.  In looking back, there have been a few tests by G-d, only one attack of the adversary that I remember, but there have been temptations and much yielding before I began to follow Messiah, and some since.

Not that any of us are as globally significant as Abraham, but how many of us became parents outside of G-d's perfect plan?  Then we want G-d to fix the mess we made . . .  That is not a case of "G-d not giving us more than we can handle," That's a case of G-d, since there are no do-overs, will you please fix the mess I made, and heal the damage I caused, because now I see how smart I wasn't . . .

Let's talk about our health for a moment.  Everybody prays in a health crisis, and talks about how G-d has entrusted them with some special burden, because . . . I know this from my own life, and from watching many situations through the years.  Yes, accidents and injuries do happen, but often we are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time . . . by our own choosing.  Then there's the whole diet issue when it comes to health.  Exodus 15:26 is pretty clear as to how to avoid disease.

Although I do know our Heavenly Father does allow obstacles, and there are tests.  According to Scripture, He has already mapped out and provided the escape plan.  Follow Messiah right through.  There will be persecution, but nothing worse than Messiah faced, and persecution is not usually what is referenced when people speak of "G-d not giving more than we can handle."   We, in America, have barely had a taste of persecution.  Social media unfriending is not martyrdom!

As I consider the things in my life that are burdens, "more than I can handle," I've discovered a good many of them are simply the natural consequences of unG-dly choices that I keep trying to fix.

More Than I Could Handle

Here I am, finally getting a bit comfortable in my own skin, and settling in on a Daniel diet to hear "great things" from On High when "all hell breaks loose" on a personal front.  Isn't that just the way it goes?  What's a peculiar princess to do?  Let me tell you what this one did.

I responded as best I could to the crisis phone calls and PMs.  I listened and/or read.  I gave some simple advice, and with that I should qualify the statement to mean generic, as in:  Stay safe, don't make any major decisions in panic, get some advice in this area, that sort of thing.  I knew no one was listening at this point, only in search of someone who would offer sympathy and maybe help find a place to lay blame.  I asked a few questions as to the stability of the situation and with that, I knew that's all I knew.  That's all I could do, at that time.  This crisis was out of my control and even though I'm sure someone will be able to find a way that I should have done more or even caused the problem, I knew the truth, and the matter was out of my hands.  Except to be a sounding board, this matter was not even my responsibility.  This fact served as an even greater reason to make sure I stayed within the proper boundaries.

I finished up my day's responsibilities and prepared to head to bed early.  Not only did I need to cry on my couch before Adonai, as David had, but the news was exhausting and the issue of the conversation was beyond vexing.  I knew, I was not fit for polite society, and that included phone and computer.  I needed to be alone with Abba.  Even when I'm not fit for polite society, my Heavenly Father still loves me.  Messiah still advocates on my behalf.

That old saying, "G-d won't give us more than we can handle . . ."  Well it's just an old saying, it's not Scripture.  We are promised to not be tempted beyond what Messiah was tempted, and we will be provided a way out.  We are promised that He will bear our burden, but we're not promised that the burden won't be heavy!  And nowhere does it say, He'll take it away from us.  We have to trust it to Him.  Think about this for a minute.  If we could handle everything that came at us, would we ever seek our Heavenly Father?  If we could handle everything that lands on us, wouldn't we be trusting ourselves?

I've done that in the past and even when I didn't trust a matter to G-d, there were things that were certainly too much for me to handle!  I was just too blind to see it.  Not this time!  This time, I saw the truth for what it was and it was more than I could handle!  So, I had to get to my prayer closet and tell Abba.  I had to talk to Y'hshuwah before I communicated with any other human being!   I went in my room to weep on my couch.  Our merciful Heavenly Father is so gracious to allow us to cry our eyes out and hear our heart's cry.  It was then that I heard Messiah, ask, "Are you willing to be busy about our Father's business?"  "Of course I am," was my weary and tearful, but heartfelt response.

It was then that I understood so simply.  We cannot carry our burdens and receive what we are to share.  We cannot offer our own ideas and interpretation, when YHWH has the actual plan and truth!  We cannot haul the heaviness of the past or of accusations and offer the hope of our Creator's plan for a future.  If we are not walking in the Light, what would we possibly be able to offer as an answer for the reason of the hope in us.  Burdens are not blessings and we cannot carry them around and share them as though they are!   Taking that time in my prayer closet has made all the difference for me and for my understanding of my Father's business in this situation.