More Than I Could Handle

Here I am, finally getting a bit comfortable in my own skin, and settling in on a Daniel diet to hear "great things" from On High when "all hell breaks loose" on a personal front.  Isn't that just the way it goes?  What's a peculiar princess to do?  Let me tell you what this one did.

I responded as best I could to the crisis phone calls and PMs.  I listened and/or read.  I gave some simple advice, and with that I should qualify the statement to mean generic, as in:  Stay safe, don't make any major decisions in panic, get some advice in this area, that sort of thing.  I knew no one was listening at this point, only in search of someone who would offer sympathy and maybe help find a place to lay blame.  I asked a few questions as to the stability of the situation and with that, I knew that's all I knew.  That's all I could do, at that time.  This crisis was out of my control and even though I'm sure someone will be able to find a way that I should have done more or even caused the problem, I knew the truth, and the matter was out of my hands.  Except to be a sounding board, this matter was not even my responsibility.  This fact served as an even greater reason to make sure I stayed within the proper boundaries.

I finished up my day's responsibilities and prepared to head to bed early.  Not only did I need to cry on my couch before Adonai, as David had, but the news was exhausting and the issue of the conversation was beyond vexing.  I knew, I was not fit for polite society, and that included phone and computer.  I needed to be alone with Abba.  Even when I'm not fit for polite society, my Heavenly Father still loves me.  Messiah still advocates on my behalf.

That old saying, "G-d won't give us more than we can handle . . ."  Well it's just an old saying, it's not Scripture.  We are promised to not be tempted beyond what Messiah was tempted, and we will be provided a way out.  We are promised that He will bear our burden, but we're not promised that the burden won't be heavy!  And nowhere does it say, He'll take it away from us.  We have to trust it to Him.  Think about this for a minute.  If we could handle everything that came at us, would we ever seek our Heavenly Father?  If we could handle everything that lands on us, wouldn't we be trusting ourselves?

I've done that in the past and even when I didn't trust a matter to G-d, there were things that were certainly too much for me to handle!  I was just too blind to see it.  Not this time!  This time, I saw the truth for what it was and it was more than I could handle!  So, I had to get to my prayer closet and tell Abba.  I had to talk to Y'hshuwah before I communicated with any other human being!   I went in my room to weep on my couch.  Our merciful Heavenly Father is so gracious to allow us to cry our eyes out and hear our heart's cry.  It was then that I heard Messiah, ask, "Are you willing to be busy about our Father's business?"  "Of course I am," was my weary and tearful, but heartfelt response.

It was then that I understood so simply.  We cannot carry our burdens and receive what we are to share.  We cannot offer our own ideas and interpretation, when YHWH has the actual plan and truth!  We cannot haul the heaviness of the past or of accusations and offer the hope of our Creator's plan for a future.  If we are not walking in the Light, what would we possibly be able to offer as an answer for the reason of the hope in us.  Burdens are not blessings and we cannot carry them around and share them as though they are!   Taking that time in my prayer closet has made all the difference for me and for my understanding of my Father's business in this situation.