Prayed Up

Have you ever realized in dealing with someone, that you just weren't "prayed up" enough for the task?  I addressed rejection in the article for Preservation, but sometimes folks don't reject and just go away.  And sometimes folks aren't rejecting at all, they are simply in need, and sometimes they are exhausting.  It sounds like my social life has been difficult this week, but it hasn't, not at all.  Perhaps, I'm finally at peace with some of the old struggles and ready to address them outside of my own head and heart.

Being "prayed up" is definitely the answer to life, be it in good times or bad.  As a matter of fact, according to Scripture, it's often the good times that take our focus away from time with our Heavenly Father.  I remember a conversation with one of my daughters years ago, in which she informed me, she didn't have a real interactive relationship with G-d, didn't want to bother Him much so she just prayed when she had problems.  I told her, He likes to hear from us, so if problems are what motivates us to pray, we should expect problems in our life.  Now, in retrospect I should feel honored in that she basically has the same relationship with me.  I hear from her when there's a problem . . . yet I digress.

I've been coming into a fuller understanding about being "prayed up."  I used to feel that I had to be prayed up to "deal" with some folks, and I did!  But I knew Abba had a bigger plan for me than that and a greater purpose.  I want folks to be blessed in being around me and I want to be able to reach out in the Name of Y'hshuwah in the power of YHWH to offer healing and deliverance.  I want what happened in Scripture to happen now!  And I want to be a part of being used in that happening.  I've also come to realize there is a change of direction in my focus now, regarding being "prayed up."  I want to be so intune with Abba, I feel His heartbeat for His child in need.

Those are easier words to say, than discipline to enact.  When this began, and it's been some time in the maturing . . . not there yet, but it began with me giving up my prayer agenda . . . To feel our Father's heartbeat, we have to be "on the same page," and He's not moving to our page.  We have to come to Him, fully without reservation.  We cannot be emptied out, while we still have our "wish list."  Our only desire must be for Him and His Will.  Even in my desire to be used by Him, I cannot have a preconceived notion as to what the results should be.  I can ask for the healings of others and speak deliverance for those who are in bondage, but it is by His power and His alone that comes.

There is no place for my idea of what would be best for someone when it comes to asking for Abba's touch. Sometimes it may seem that someone needs healing, but they actually need deliverance, or simply to stand the test before they see results.  I prefer to have things happen NOW!  Abba sees what all needs to happen before we get to what I see as the end results.  Being "prayed up" has brought new meaning to walking in His confidence as well!  Thankfully, since I had zero self-confidence that has not been a matter of confusion.  If I have any confidence at all, it is in Him.

"Prayed up" now means emptied out . . .

Self-Control

Self-control seems to be pretty rare when it comes to the fruit of the Spirit.  There are so many ways we seem to be able to justify a lack of control by calling it "righteous anger" or "protecting others" or even "the truth hurts."  Sometimes any and all of those can be the case, but not nearly as frequently as we like to rationalize.  I've heard some very harsh things said, cruel actually, and the person just shrugs and says, "I was only being honest."  There are also many behaviors in our society that are "excused" by labels, as if that removes the personal responsibility.  Sadly, in many cases, we spiritualize "the flesh" and that is far from producing the fruit of the Spirit.

The area of self-control in which I struggle the most, is my tongue.  Between some personal situations, and of course social media, I've come to understand the power of silence, but it takes a great deal of self-control at the time.  Actually, the self-control I've been gaining through the Spirit, is the absence for the need to be understood, accepted, or have the last word.  The only thing about my entire life and being that needs to be understood by another, is the amazing awesome message of the Good News.  YHWH says His Word is final.  When that sank in, I realized, trying to have the last word is playing G-d . . .

I once wrote a poem about the fruit of the Spirit, and the last verse went something like this . . .

Dear Father, it seemed as if there's been no progress,
When I lipped off the other day.
I know it appeared, I still lack self-control,
But You know, I had so much more to say!

Producing the fruit of the Spirit cannot be done by mental fortitude or "turning over a new leaf," but by surrender to YHWH.  I'm not sure I have the words, yet; to accurately convey what I mean, but I'm going to try.  I cannot make myself produce the fruit of the Spirit, none of us can.  I can, however; discipline myself to "stay out of the way" and not become defensive or offensive.  I can be disciplined by Torah [the school master] as Paul called it, to want to observe Abba's Instructions more than I want to defend myself or my own ideas . . . but it truly takes the mind of Messiah and the words of Torah written on my heart, which are both given by the Spirit of YHWH not produced in my own power.

In my case to control my tongue, I have to be very careful what thoughts I entertain.  That is up to me!  When I surrender my right to ruminate and discipline myself to take my own thoughts captive, the thoughts no longer hold me captive.  I have found the previously listed fruit of the Spirit have been instrumental in producing self-control.  They appear to be in an order . . . Abba does all things decently and in order.

We so often, at least I do, picture gentle rains and glorious sunshine for fruit production, but there's more.  My heart has to be "good soil" and like it or not, there is fertilizer involved.  It's so easy to remain calm and appearing to produce beautiful fruit, but when circumstances stink, the real production takes place, or not . . .

It's easy to love someone who loves me.  It's so easy to have joy when I'm out for morning chores with birds singing and animals surrounding me as I say the Shema.  With no television and no rush hour traffic, peace is nearly a given.  The first three in the list seem easier, in that we can find a "happy place," often alone or with our special folk, but then . . . in the list is longsuffering.  Some translations use the term, patience, but that's a rather flowery way to gloss over the true meaning.  Longsuffering, is much more accurate.  I can tell you, the longer you kick against that lesson the longer the suffering situation will remain.  It seems in my life, longsuffering and self-control are quite intertwined.

There are two things I say for victory, when the temptation to lose self-control of the tongue is presented.  First and foremost is the prayer of Psalm 141:3.  I ask YHWH to "put a guard over my mouth."  The second, I try to say to myself, but a couple of times, it's actually been stated aloud in the circumstances.  "I do not want what is bouncing through my head to come flying out my mouth."

The Spirit of the Living Creator has really brought me to the point I do desire His Will over mine, even in circumstances I find adverse.  It hasn't happened all at once, and it still doesn't happen 100% of the time, but it truly has become my heart's desire.