Acceptance

I'm not by nature, a distrusting soul, but I've learned, trust is not to be handled lightly or given indiscriminately.  This isn't about distrusting known liars, as that is just wisdom, but rather the need to accept the fact we all just do not see things the same way.  I can't possibly expect someone to make the same decision I would, in a matter in which they don't hold the same view.  People make decision based upon their perspective and we don't all share the same perspective.  It is wrong to expect someone to make a decision based upon a view or value they do not hold.

I'll use a couple of my personal examples which would be easy to follow into general society.  Our health and our finances are two rather large areas in everyone's life.  I'm not talking about vanity or the love of money, but simply the management of both, varies dramatically between people, and we do depend upon our bodies and most of us feel the need to pay our bills.  It's not a matter of skepticism or cynicism when we do not trust another person or government to manage our health or resources in the same way we do.   Realizing they simply have a different way of handling these matters should keep the issue from becoming a wedge, at least among individuals.  We cannot burden someone with a decision they cannot make or should not make for another person.  Nor should we impose our choices on another . . .

I do not adhere to Big Pharma in any way shape or form.  I do not seek medical attention for anything in my life.  I would go to a chiropractor or reflexologist if one were available, but no professional in mainstream allopathic medicine and no pharmakeia.  Although this is a general statement, and I'm sure there are exceptions, I do not trust nurses, because society has redefined a Scriptural term.  Nursing was a Biblical profession, that no longer carries the original meaning.  Nurses in Scripture worked for one family or one person for a lifetime.  Now nurses work for their employer, often a "care" facility or a pharmaceutical company, a doctor, and always the state that issued their license.  The patient is at least third on the list of priorities . . . Clearly a far cry from Deborah in Scripture.  Doctors answer to the AMA, insurance, and represent Big Pharma, so I do not feel my best interest is actually their top priority.  Now, my stand on this one issue, if I were anyone at all, would be discredited by 98% of our society, including my family.  Therefore, I choose to keep my health matters, private.

I carry a copy of health choices in writing in my wallet, just in case some sort of incident took place publicly and I was unconscious or in a situation in which I could not verbalize my wishes.  I do not expect everyone or anyone, for that matter, to share my view, but I do expect them to honor my decision for myself.  Having been in a situation in which I errantly trusted family, I have since put my choice in writing and would not contact them in case of emergency.  I've told Mr. B, in case of severe illness, he is not to notify family until I'm recovering or ready for burial, whichever is the end result.  I'm not mad at them for not agreeing with me, I just know that and accept that fact.  So my health is my business, between my Heavenly Father and myself, and trusted to no one else.

I also mentioned finances.  My parents are quite secretive about their finances and although I don't talk much about my net worth and cash flow, I do share budgeting and saving ideas when asked.  My kids are very open about their spending habits and they clearly don't align with my style.  I'm not a wealthy woman by this society's standards, but I truly do live quite well with very little expense.  I don't have a mortgage.  I raise most of my food.  My home is all electric and I have a well, so basically I have a monthly internet charge and electric bill.  I'm enjoying some benefits of wind and solar energy, so the bill for electricity is actually reduced from what it used to be.  I got rid of my television years ago, so there's no cable or satellite bill.  My business isn't on the New York Stock Exchange, but it pays for itself.  This is another area of life that folks need to realize, may or may not be a trust issue, but each generation handles finances differently and could clearly be interpreted to be a matter of trust in any given situation.

My parents have stated they have some sort of Trust and I guess no one knows what's in it, until after they die, or maybe it's just me that's not in the know . . . For whatever their reasons, they'd rather trust a stranger and that suits me well.  This way, any discrepancy or problem will not fall on my shoulders.  I'm still a bit ambivalent about what I need to do to get my final affairs in order, but I don't think it will require a Trust Fund.  I remember a few years ago when one of my kids was acting like they were going to be a part of this ministry project, but . . . much change just continued to be introduced.  I finally looked at her and said, "Shouldn't I be dead before you talk about implementing all this change?"  Which, of course, made me realize, without a protege in ministry or Divine Intervention by the Hand of the Almighty, which could include the Second Coming; this place will likely be sold after my death.

So, although I wouldn't trust my health or bank account to be handled the way I do, by anyone I know, it's not a matter of distrust, but just "acceptance."

When Your Best Just Isn't Good Enough

I'm well aware that I am not the brightest crayon in the box, nor am I drop dead gorgeous, but I am a daughter of the Most High.  All my life I felt, if something was lacking, it had to be me . . . and I should try harder, jump higher through the hoops, and meet demanded expectations.  I began getting a taste of another kind of living some years back, but it was so foreign to me, it was awkward.  Then in 2012, I was faced with compromising my beliefs to meet the demanded expectations.  I couldn't do that, regardless of the cost, and the cost was immense!  It wasn't just a one time incident, either.  The defaming continued until, well, there's just no going back.  Actually, the relationship wasn't all that great before, but I learned a valuable reality about myself that has forever changed my perspective.  Strained relationships need to be managed, but kept at a reasonable distance, rather than embracing.  There's no need to be harsh or unkind, but there's absolutely no reason to keep trying harder.

Since the age of 43, I've learned this in every relationship I've had from marriage, to family, to friendship, to social media; and the discovery has been remarkable.  My perspective is just all together different.  When I've genuinely tried my level best and prayed for greater understanding; I can just let go and be done.  It's not about being angry, it's not about a grudge, it's about accepting the fact that my best just isn't good enough and there is no "trying harder" if you've already given it your best.  It's time to shift that "trying harder" energy to acceptance, and I've done that in so many ways these past few years.  It's been so freeing and energizing!  In accepting the rejection or other's disappointment in these relationships, I've discovered how freeing it can be, and how exhausting it was to try to suit them.  

The old saying "you can't miss what you never had" completely fits my new understanding and acceptance.  The idea that trying harder will gain acceptance is just an illusion.  When one gives up the illusion, it's easy to see you can't miss what you never had.  

If one's best isn't good enough for the relationship, it's not really a close relationship, and that's all right.  Not every relationship is meant to be close, long term, and great.  Some folks just come into our life for a season or for a specific reason.  It is unfortunate, however; when the relationship with a spouse, or child, or parent is not so good; but it's not the end of the world!  If a spouse tells you they don't find you desirable, but they don't know why; that's not your problem.  Take a step back, take another look and you may realize just how mutual that non-desire is.  If a grown child, not a teen, because most teens will say it, but if a grown child tells you you're the worst parent in the world, believe them.  A good parent wouldn't have raised an adult person that would say such a disrespectful thing.  Since the formative years are over, there's no going back and trying again, so just shrug your shoulders and redirect your effort.  If a parent has told you, they'll never be proud of you, they probably won't.  Don't worry about it.  According to Scripture all we are responsible to do is to honor them.  So be sure to remember their birthdays and mother and father's day and go on with life.

Regrets and Ripples

Several folks have seemed rather contemplative this season and many downright disappointed in some aspects of their lives.  I'm no exception.  Most of us have made some decisions before we were in Covenant with our Heavenly Father, and those consequences can be long lasting.  I have several regrets, and although I know I've been forgiven, the ripple of those regrets continue to surround my life, on occasion.

I must interject this, however; the ripples of regret no longer actively revolve around my life, but there are occasional reminders.  On a brighter note, even some of my less than good choices, have not all resulted in ripples of regret.  We might as well face it, very few of us have a pure testimony.  Mine is far from stellar, but at 36 my life changed, and it's never been the same.  Sadly, I've still made mistakes with regrets, while there are those who would continue to remind me and others of my ancient history.  My ancient history compared to the life I live now, is absolute proof of the power of YHWH to change a life.  I certainly didn't earn His love, but I am so grateful for His grace and mercy.

The life I now live and the stand I have taken has resulted in a great deal of rejection, but in reality, I wasn't ever that popular or well received, anyway . . . As I've considered this blog, I realized I was already failing in mainstream and certainly with relationships, long before I was rejected for my relationship with YHWH and lifestyle of following Messiah.  Apparently, when one is chosen, even before they realize it, mainstream just doesn't flow well for them.  A child of YHWH simply doesn't fit into mainstream society, and I think the choices they make outside of His will can be even more devastating than those who are not of Him.  Abraham's choice comes to mind frequently.   Getting outside of the plan when one is called of YHWH can have long lasting dire consequences.

Probably what is the most difficult for all of us who have come to the place of confessing our sins and regrets to our Creator, is the difficulty in watching others make the same choices or worse.  We want to save them the heartache we've had, but we have to realize, not everyone is called or chosen and we can't save anyone . . .  We can preach The Word, share a testimony and we can certainly pray, but hearing and applying is up to them.

I'm even sorting through what I believe about predestination and what that means as our lives move from our own path to His.  Some of the regrets and ripples were simply never meant to be a part of our life, and therefore when we do step into His perfect Will, we'll have to let go of some things and some people, or more often than not . . . they'll let go of us.  In becoming a new creation, this can cover relationship, careers, even geographical location.  Messiah said we must be willing to give up everything to follow Him.  Today, I realize, that also means giving up regrets . . .