I felt almost self-centered and guilty, this past Wednesday. To be honest, it wasn't just "an ordinary day" for me like so many claimed for them. Wednesday is the day I usually tend to town business, so even though I don't observe the man-made traditions of our culture, it really was still a "holiday" for me, in that it was not my ordinary Wednesday. I couldn't conduct business as usual last Wednesday and I felt a bit irresponsible at first . . . Then I got this wild idea to simply enjoy the freedom!
One of my main character flaws has always been a strong feeling of guilt and responsibility. That's been one of the most difficult things for me to overcome. Guilt just comes so naturally for me, but Romans 8:1 is pretty clear that I am to stop entertaining that "self-focused" fleshly attitude. That isn't permission to act like I have no conscience of course, just stop feeling so stinking guilty! I was raised to be very awkward and dysfunctional so, technically, I am a success! Seriously though, I found myself feeling a bit at a loss Wednesday, in being responsibility free.
I've been out of man-made mainstream traditions for so long, my Grandchildren have never seen a television or holiday tree in my home, so I'm not faced with the family pressure many are this time of year, as they come out from among them and are separate. It did take one of my daughters making a complete mockery of Hanukkah for me to stop some of those traditions, but that was also quite freeing. I still light candles on what some of the self-proclaiming rabbis are saying are wrong menorahs, but they don't come to my home to celebrate, anyway. One of my daughters managed to get here for some of Hanukkah and that was such a sweet time of just enjoying the specialness of how great our G-d is.
One of my favorite memories will be how we had started the Hanukkah CD as we headed to the dining area, but were side tracked momentarily. By the time we were gathered round the table, the track containing the prayers was beginning. That had such special timing and meaning, we timed it to synchronize the rest of the week.
There are many things I've taught my children and grandchildren that are not doctrine and no more than family traditions, but I don't believe all traditions are pagan. Music and food are wonderful ways for children of all ages to learn and remember. I hope to have a family gathering soon for Hanukkah in which we all are gathered round the table to sing the prayers right along with the CD. I've enjoyed Shabbat dinners with my grandchildren in the spring when the eggs are abundant, in which we bake an angel food cake, and discuss Psalm 78, specifically verse 25.
I chose to not celebrate "not celebrating" last Wednesday, but rather chose to celebrate the freedom of no business trip to town with "working on a project" that has been on a back burner for awhile. It was not to abolish Torah that Messiah came, but really did come to set us free of the requirements and guilt of humanity!
Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was
contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross; the writings of Paul in Colossians 2:14
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