The day following the last Holy Day of Feast of Matzo began with answered prayers and the fulfillment of a perpetual desire of my heart, all before my third cup of coffee.
I hesitated to give the details of the first situation, and tried to find a discreet way to present it, but the fact is what it is and it is imperative, so here goes. I think most of us awaken with a rather full bladder and the first stop is to alleviate that fact. Just as I sat down and began to "go" a spider "jumped out of nowhere" and began to run. As you know, I live in the country, and brown recluses are fairly common. I couldn't see if that's what it was, but I knew I didn't want it to leave the bathroom alive!
As I couldn't exactly stop what I was doing and it had so quickly run toward the bathroom door, I prayed. I asked YHWH to please just make the spider stop. I kid you not, I had no sooner spoken that request, the spider who had run a good 5-6 feet in that very short span of time, stopped suddenly three feet from the door and didn't move . . . You might say he stopped dead in his tracks. That spider never moved again. I was able to take care of it and although I didn't identify the species, there was no indication it was of the helpful variety. Prayer of thanksgiving for the answered prayer!
All of the garden is not yet planted, but some of it is and needs regular watering to sprout and grow. Have you ever noticed that a small gentle rain is so much more effective than the hose or watering can? So, in my late night prayer time, I mentioned to our Heavenly Father that His watering is so much better than mine and so much more effective. There was a soft gentle rain falling as I enjoyed my early morning devotions and coffee. More prayer of thanksgiving!
A rainwater rinse after washing my hair is just wonderful, and choring in a the spring rain is a blessing beyond description. I don't ask Abba for them, so much, He just knows I love them. Washing my hair was already on the agenda for the day, so I headed out after my devotions to a glorious morning of chores in the rain. More prayer of thanksgiving, but when I got out of the shower with my freshly washed hair, the rain had stopped. I was already grateful for so much that morning, I didn't give it any more thought. I combed out my hair and got busy on the Goshen Gazette. In less than thirty minutes, I heard raindrops falling on the skylight! Out the back door I went, praising Him with thanksgiving.
He truly does inhabit the praise of His people!
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Monday, April 21, 2014
Unleavened Bread
The recipes for "fancying" unleavened bread this year are abounding, so I thought I'd get creative and see what I could do in the area of mazto enhancement. As it turns out, I have had an epiphany . . . seriously, an epiphany. An epiphany by definition is: 1. A divine manifestation and; 2. A moment of sudden understanding or revelation. I've experienced both definitions.
A recipe crossed my screen a few days before Pesach, that seemed a bit complex, but looked good, so it got my wheels turning regarding this week of matzo. I hate to admit it, but 8 days of mazto does get a bit mundane without additives and toppings . . .Well, Mazto is the Bread of Affliction!!! What are we expecting? Mundane is entirely better than afflicted or painful! I remember being offended when my "then" husband made the reference to "salad week" because of the various egg, salmon, etc. salads I made to accompany the matzo. It isn't salad week, it's week of unleavened bread! So the practice of making salads and spreads was sidelined . . . at that time. Something that had made the week special for me to revolve around the unleavened bread seemed to be a stumbling block for him. Since I am now observing the week alone, I don't have to worry about causing another to stumble, but I still found myself in a place I don't want to be again.
I'll give a brief description of what I did, that brought such a wave of guilt over me, so in this description is also a confession, accompanying the epiphany. The image that caught my eye looked like Tiramisu using matzo in place of lady fingers . . . I saw it before Pesach and determined some sort of facsimile would be formulated in my kitchen the following week. As I was making matzo on the first day of Unleavened Bread, because that is specified in Scripture to be allowed, I determined that just basic food was to be made, no panache should be added. In my spirit, I just knew altering the matzo on the Holy day would be wrong. As I baked the matzo, I was literally reminded by the holes that Messiah was pierced, and the various baking color and discoloration symbolized his body bruised, and of course the matzo is broken when served . . .
The next day, as I reheated some matzo ball soup, I decided to get a bit creative with my faux tiramisu idea.
The results were terrible! I'd soaked the matzo in some kosher blackberry wine, then . . . well it doesn't matter! If I felt something was wrong for a Holy Day, why would it be all right the next day? The whole mess tasted a lot like a high octane Twix or KitKat bar. The word I used to describe it to a friend was "decadent!"
That term is about as far from holy as one can get. Not only was it not so much like tiramisu, it made me feel terrible that I had for all practical purposes "sugar coated" or "added to" the Bread of Affliction that Messiah said was to be in remembrance of Him.
I looked at what I made and felt like I'd put a chocolate easter bunny, with wine and coffee, between pieces of matzo! It was then, the revelation occurred to me, having seen so many recipes for dressing up the matzo this year, "this is how any tradition becomes incorporated into the Feasts" and down the road, the real meaning is lost or just a passing comment.
I'm all about making some special treats, it is a Feast, after all; but I won't be sugar coating and chocolate dipping the Bread of Affliction, any more . . .
A recipe crossed my screen a few days before Pesach, that seemed a bit complex, but looked good, so it got my wheels turning regarding this week of matzo. I hate to admit it, but 8 days of mazto does get a bit mundane without additives and toppings . . .Well, Mazto is the Bread of Affliction!!! What are we expecting? Mundane is entirely better than afflicted or painful! I remember being offended when my "then" husband made the reference to "salad week" because of the various egg, salmon, etc. salads I made to accompany the matzo. It isn't salad week, it's week of unleavened bread! So the practice of making salads and spreads was sidelined . . . at that time. Something that had made the week special for me to revolve around the unleavened bread seemed to be a stumbling block for him. Since I am now observing the week alone, I don't have to worry about causing another to stumble, but I still found myself in a place I don't want to be again.
I'll give a brief description of what I did, that brought such a wave of guilt over me, so in this description is also a confession, accompanying the epiphany. The image that caught my eye looked like Tiramisu using matzo in place of lady fingers . . . I saw it before Pesach and determined some sort of facsimile would be formulated in my kitchen the following week. As I was making matzo on the first day of Unleavened Bread, because that is specified in Scripture to be allowed, I determined that just basic food was to be made, no panache should be added. In my spirit, I just knew altering the matzo on the Holy day would be wrong. As I baked the matzo, I was literally reminded by the holes that Messiah was pierced, and the various baking color and discoloration symbolized his body bruised, and of course the matzo is broken when served . . .
The next day, as I reheated some matzo ball soup, I decided to get a bit creative with my faux tiramisu idea.
The results were terrible! I'd soaked the matzo in some kosher blackberry wine, then . . . well it doesn't matter! If I felt something was wrong for a Holy Day, why would it be all right the next day? The whole mess tasted a lot like a high octane Twix or KitKat bar. The word I used to describe it to a friend was "decadent!" That term is about as far from holy as one can get. Not only was it not so much like tiramisu, it made me feel terrible that I had for all practical purposes "sugar coated" or "added to" the Bread of Affliction that Messiah said was to be in remembrance of Him.
I looked at what I made and felt like I'd put a chocolate easter bunny, with wine and coffee, between pieces of matzo! It was then, the revelation occurred to me, having seen so many recipes for dressing up the matzo this year, "this is how any tradition becomes incorporated into the Feasts" and down the road, the real meaning is lost or just a passing comment.
I'm all about making some special treats, it is a Feast, after all; but I won't be sugar coating and chocolate dipping the Bread of Affliction, any more . . .
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Beauty and Strength
Last week, it was a night of royal splendor, this week, one of the most amazingly accomplished days I can remember! I was exhausted, but it was such a "good tired!" The lesson I learned was invaluable . . . and HalleluYah, I didn't learn it the hard way! Glory!!!
Wednesday is a regular business town day. Not every Wednesday, but I choose that day, mostly because it's just less traffic congestion. Driving isn't one of my favorite things. I've also learned through the years, that no matter what time I head to town, I'll get home at evening chore time. Ordinarily I couldn't tell you what takes so long, but this time I can . . . and I shall.
This time of year, I'm usually milking five or six goats, once a day, but two years ago was really hard on the herd and me, so I've been recuperating and rebuilding. I sold one last year for sad sentimental reasons, Stella's gone now, and another old reliable has just gotten too old and grumpy. There are three beautiful doelings this year that I plan to keep, but they aren't in the production end of the process. As a matter of fact, in keeping the offspring, I make sure they get more time with their "milker moms" which also means less milk for me. I bought a beautiful Nubian last week at the auction, who had never been milked. She caught on pretty quickly and is now simply stellar. Since that went so well, but still needing more milk, I asked around about any goats for sale, specifically Toggenburgs, as Stella was a Togg cross.
By Tuesday evening I had a lead on a Togg, as well as another interesting possibility, so I figured I'd just stack goat shopping on top the town day. I spoke with the people and gave them an approximate time, according to my itinerary. Realizing I just might be taking a goat to town for the day, there was hay and water in the buggy. I was particularly excited about going to the first place, as the goat he had for sale was a Togg cross, but that night I "heard" I had to stop trying to replace Stella. Rather than going, just sure about a purchase, I went with greater understanding.
The goat, of course, was beautiful, and the owners were very diligent to share all the paperwork of her registration, as well as all the timely treatments she'd been given. They shared the fact the young kids were all being treated for scours, the twin to the one I was looking at had aborted in the winter, and had been rebred . . . the "grand champion sire" was not only the "working buck" but was also related to some of the herd. As they continued to talk, what I saw and heard was these goats were beautiful in appearance, but their immune system had been severely compromised with continual treatments. The folks proudly shared all the facts regarding show awards and champion blood lines, but what I heard as they spoke, was something entirely different. This beautiful two year old goat was too chemically damaged to live naturally and organically. I thanked them for their time and left.
The sun was sinking toward the horizon as I left the second farm. I knew when I saw the place, these goats would be "healthier." Sure enough, I asked! No antibiotics on the place. Healthy babies on nice big healthy mamas, and we worked a deal. Rather than just paying too much for one goat at the other place, I bought two does who are still adjusting a bit to the routine, but are robust and healthy with the immunity our Heavenly Father created in them. They may not be show goats, but I think they're beautiful!
Wednesday is a regular business town day. Not every Wednesday, but I choose that day, mostly because it's just less traffic congestion. Driving isn't one of my favorite things. I've also learned through the years, that no matter what time I head to town, I'll get home at evening chore time. Ordinarily I couldn't tell you what takes so long, but this time I can . . . and I shall.
This time of year, I'm usually milking five or six goats, once a day, but two years ago was really hard on the herd and me, so I've been recuperating and rebuilding. I sold one last year for sad sentimental reasons, Stella's gone now, and another old reliable has just gotten too old and grumpy. There are three beautiful doelings this year that I plan to keep, but they aren't in the production end of the process. As a matter of fact, in keeping the offspring, I make sure they get more time with their "milker moms" which also means less milk for me. I bought a beautiful Nubian last week at the auction, who had never been milked. She caught on pretty quickly and is now simply stellar. Since that went so well, but still needing more milk, I asked around about any goats for sale, specifically Toggenburgs, as Stella was a Togg cross.
By Tuesday evening I had a lead on a Togg, as well as another interesting possibility, so I figured I'd just stack goat shopping on top the town day. I spoke with the people and gave them an approximate time, according to my itinerary. Realizing I just might be taking a goat to town for the day, there was hay and water in the buggy. I was particularly excited about going to the first place, as the goat he had for sale was a Togg cross, but that night I "heard" I had to stop trying to replace Stella. Rather than going, just sure about a purchase, I went with greater understanding.
The goat, of course, was beautiful, and the owners were very diligent to share all the paperwork of her registration, as well as all the timely treatments she'd been given. They shared the fact the young kids were all being treated for scours, the twin to the one I was looking at had aborted in the winter, and had been rebred . . . the "grand champion sire" was not only the "working buck" but was also related to some of the herd. As they continued to talk, what I saw and heard was these goats were beautiful in appearance, but their immune system had been severely compromised with continual treatments. The folks proudly shared all the facts regarding show awards and champion blood lines, but what I heard as they spoke, was something entirely different. This beautiful two year old goat was too chemically damaged to live naturally and organically. I thanked them for their time and left.
The sun was sinking toward the horizon as I left the second farm. I knew when I saw the place, these goats would be "healthier." Sure enough, I asked! No antibiotics on the place. Healthy babies on nice big healthy mamas, and we worked a deal. Rather than just paying too much for one goat at the other place, I bought two does who are still adjusting a bit to the routine, but are robust and healthy with the immunity our Heavenly Father created in them. They may not be show goats, but I think they're beautiful!
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Royal Splendor
I had an evening of royal splendor this past week. I had asked and listened in prayer quite seriously after hearing, "it is time to prepare practically for purpose and the time of running a "petting zoo" is over." It was through that prayer time, I was blessed to be told I was to go to one of my favorite places!
As a peculiar princess, my scepter is a walking stick, my crown, long silver hair and a head covering. I do have a rather ornate headband that keeps my head covering in place . . . And instead of a ballroom, my royal outing was to the auction barn! If you've never been to a livestock auction barn in the spring, you need to take a field trip! The scent of the spring animals is so different than that of the autumn. Thursday evening is only sheep and goats, and last night there were so many young kids and lambs. The smell of new babies and fresh milk literally wafted from the barn to the sale ring.
I'd prayed and I knew my mission, but was unaware when the opportunity would be presented. It came about in an interesting way, and just felt wonderful! I bid on a couple of young nannies in milk without their babies. Often that's considered to be a sign that they aren't good mamas or good producers, but the couple that I saw, I just knew otherwise. I'd prayed! Then it got fun! Once the auctioneer thought he knew what I was looking for, and the ringmen thought they had my purchasing interest discerned, they'd look to me for a bid every time a nanny in milk came through, but most of them had kids, and that was not in the plan. I made a bid on one group each with a kid, but I stopped quickly. I was on a specific quest. I'm building a Jacob's herd, which means color and breed must be variated, and no white ones. Interestingly, even in mixing breeds, the lighter colors tend to dominate. Although that group of mamas were all brown, striped, and spotted, every one of the kids was white! In this world of pedigree and paperwork, I have been shown in Genesis and led of YHWH, the mixed breeds tend to be stronger, as most inherent weaknesses are recessive.
I bought a beautiful black Nubian, full bag, no kid. Just exactly what I knew I needed. I have no idea if she's purebred or not, but if Jedidiah [Jed] remains the herd sire here on the homestead, her kids will definitely be mixed breed. Nubian bucks are majestic creatures, but they throw long legged, long nosed babies and that can be hard on mamas of other breeds. Jed is not Nubian. Back to my night of splendor.
I was enjoying the nods and recommendations of the auctioneer when he thought he knew what I should buy, but nothing more came through. The day had been rainy and overcast, so even in watching the sky out the window, I was uncertain as to how close to chore time it was getting. I figured I was going home with one beautiful new goat, Eloise, and so happy to have her. I paid for her, got her loaded out, then felt drawn to take one last look at what was in the waiting pens. I saw two Toggenburg mix does in a large group of young does. I went back in for a bit, watched a few more go through the ring. In going back out to check their progression, I discovered that group of does had moved up toward the sale ring, quite rapidly.
I'll admit, I have a weakness for Toggs. My grand uncle raised them, and my beloved Stella was primarily Toggenburg. As I was out there, I recognized a young man from the fair days, who was now working there at the auction. I asked him if that whole group of goats would be sold together. His reply was music to my ears. He said, "Probably since they are all young nannies, but I can pull some off to run through, separately" I smiled and said, I'd like the Toggs. He knew exactly the two to which I referred. In less than five minutes those two beauties entered the ring, and became the newest members of the herd in the Land of Goshen.
What a royal night!
As a peculiar princess, my scepter is a walking stick, my crown, long silver hair and a head covering. I do have a rather ornate headband that keeps my head covering in place . . . And instead of a ballroom, my royal outing was to the auction barn! If you've never been to a livestock auction barn in the spring, you need to take a field trip! The scent of the spring animals is so different than that of the autumn. Thursday evening is only sheep and goats, and last night there were so many young kids and lambs. The smell of new babies and fresh milk literally wafted from the barn to the sale ring.
I'd prayed and I knew my mission, but was unaware when the opportunity would be presented. It came about in an interesting way, and just felt wonderful! I bid on a couple of young nannies in milk without their babies. Often that's considered to be a sign that they aren't good mamas or good producers, but the couple that I saw, I just knew otherwise. I'd prayed! Then it got fun! Once the auctioneer thought he knew what I was looking for, and the ringmen thought they had my purchasing interest discerned, they'd look to me for a bid every time a nanny in milk came through, but most of them had kids, and that was not in the plan. I made a bid on one group each with a kid, but I stopped quickly. I was on a specific quest. I'm building a Jacob's herd, which means color and breed must be variated, and no white ones. Interestingly, even in mixing breeds, the lighter colors tend to dominate. Although that group of mamas were all brown, striped, and spotted, every one of the kids was white! In this world of pedigree and paperwork, I have been shown in Genesis and led of YHWH, the mixed breeds tend to be stronger, as most inherent weaknesses are recessive.
I bought a beautiful black Nubian, full bag, no kid. Just exactly what I knew I needed. I have no idea if she's purebred or not, but if Jedidiah [Jed] remains the herd sire here on the homestead, her kids will definitely be mixed breed. Nubian bucks are majestic creatures, but they throw long legged, long nosed babies and that can be hard on mamas of other breeds. Jed is not Nubian. Back to my night of splendor.
I was enjoying the nods and recommendations of the auctioneer when he thought he knew what I should buy, but nothing more came through. The day had been rainy and overcast, so even in watching the sky out the window, I was uncertain as to how close to chore time it was getting. I figured I was going home with one beautiful new goat, Eloise, and so happy to have her. I paid for her, got her loaded out, then felt drawn to take one last look at what was in the waiting pens. I saw two Toggenburg mix does in a large group of young does. I went back in for a bit, watched a few more go through the ring. In going back out to check their progression, I discovered that group of does had moved up toward the sale ring, quite rapidly.
I'll admit, I have a weakness for Toggs. My grand uncle raised them, and my beloved Stella was primarily Toggenburg. As I was out there, I recognized a young man from the fair days, who was now working there at the auction. I asked him if that whole group of goats would be sold together. His reply was music to my ears. He said, "Probably since they are all young nannies, but I can pull some off to run through, separately" I smiled and said, I'd like the Toggs. He knew exactly the two to which I referred. In less than five minutes those two beauties entered the ring, and became the newest members of the herd in the Land of Goshen.
What a royal night!
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Promise or Preparation
I found myself in quite a predicament, this past preparation day. Thursday, I'd gotten myself all "prettied up," well the best I could do anyway, to do some videos. The production program for "BEFORE It Was HEADLINES It Was PROPHECY" is already set up on my office computer, so that went as planned. The instructional demonstration I did, however; was on a different computer and didn't go so well, but I didn't know it until the next morning. I went to bed just sure it would be a simple edit while I drank my morning coffee . . . I was terribly wrong.
With the realization that an instructional video required sound, and I'd already spent a great deal of time trying to make that happen, I had no choice but to re-do the video. That may sound like no big deal, but believe me it was a big deal! The biggest part of the problem was, I still didn't know how to fix the problem. I've had a hate/hate relationship with this computer since I bought it. It was very important to me, to not use the ministry set for business, which is why I was trying to operate with a different computer in a different location. With that priority in mind, I decided to install some new software in a computer that I preferred.
As you have already probably surmised, preparation day was slipping by. I knew two things as this project was now expanded into two days. The first realization that came to me was the idea that the first video was not what it needed to be. Either I had omitted something important or added too much, or just nervously rambled . . . I'll never know with no sound. I've come to accept redos in media ministry, and am actually quite grateful to have a second chance.
The second thing that occurred to me, though, was just as profound, but new to my awareness. I've scheduled my life around Preparation Day and Shabbat for so many years, I guess it just had never come up before. I've tried to tie up loose ends on Thursday to keep Preparation day open for baking, cooking, and cleaning, but this time there was a new variable. I'd given my word to some people and I needed to do everything in my power to deliver on that promise before Shabbat began. So, I had til sunset and the sun wasn't waiting.
The following is not an exact quote from a verse in Scripture, included in one of my favorite services in the Prayer Book, "that we keep our word, regardless of the personal cost." As the sun was sailing across the sky on preparation day, I simply asked YHWH to help me get that video accomplished and bring glory to Him. An experimental dinner was already planned and "official" Passover housecleaning begins at the new moon, and YHWH answered my prayer in the affirmative. Before sunset, the critters were fed and watered, dinner was in the oven, a double batch of non-GMO popcorn was popped, the old fashioned way . . . and this video was published to youtube. As for the rest, a traditional routine is not nearly as important as a promise kept!
With the realization that an instructional video required sound, and I'd already spent a great deal of time trying to make that happen, I had no choice but to re-do the video. That may sound like no big deal, but believe me it was a big deal! The biggest part of the problem was, I still didn't know how to fix the problem. I've had a hate/hate relationship with this computer since I bought it. It was very important to me, to not use the ministry set for business, which is why I was trying to operate with a different computer in a different location. With that priority in mind, I decided to install some new software in a computer that I preferred.
As you have already probably surmised, preparation day was slipping by. I knew two things as this project was now expanded into two days. The first realization that came to me was the idea that the first video was not what it needed to be. Either I had omitted something important or added too much, or just nervously rambled . . . I'll never know with no sound. I've come to accept redos in media ministry, and am actually quite grateful to have a second chance.
The second thing that occurred to me, though, was just as profound, but new to my awareness. I've scheduled my life around Preparation Day and Shabbat for so many years, I guess it just had never come up before. I've tried to tie up loose ends on Thursday to keep Preparation day open for baking, cooking, and cleaning, but this time there was a new variable. I'd given my word to some people and I needed to do everything in my power to deliver on that promise before Shabbat began. So, I had til sunset and the sun wasn't waiting.
The following is not an exact quote from a verse in Scripture, included in one of my favorite services in the Prayer Book, "that we keep our word, regardless of the personal cost." As the sun was sailing across the sky on preparation day, I simply asked YHWH to help me get that video accomplished and bring glory to Him. An experimental dinner was already planned and "official" Passover housecleaning begins at the new moon, and YHWH answered my prayer in the affirmative. Before sunset, the critters were fed and watered, dinner was in the oven, a double batch of non-GMO popcorn was popped, the old fashioned way . . . and this video was published to youtube. As for the rest, a traditional routine is not nearly as important as a promise kept!
Sunday, March 23, 2014
My Father's Business or Busy-ness
In all my promotion of time management and no waste, I have been known to just be busy! Being busy for the sake of being busy is not good time management. Spending time on something that is not the Father's plan for me is just as wasteful as any other way we find to "kill time." Being pointlessly busy may actually be worse, in that it spends energy and takes focus that could be better directed. I've had two things on my mind these past couple of weeks, and I know I won't be doing both, at least not concurrently on the immediate horizon.
As I have become more aware of time and energy, I spent some time listening and energy praying about these two matters. I also asked a sister to pray for me about this "opportunity." She received a very specific directive which she shared with me. Prayer is definitely time and energy well spent. Both of these matters may well be on the horizon, but one situation involves another individual's free will and choice, so . . . that particular project is clearly not in my hands, and is at this point dependent upon the other person spending time in prayer. The only time and energy I am to devote to this situation at this time, is to keep this individual in my prayers. The other situation has been confirmed for me to begin, but it will still be awhile before it is to be launched.
In looking back at the past month, I now realize I had to come to terms with a particular fact of life, and accept the shalom of YHWH in the matter, before this next step could take place. I'm so thankful He doesn't show us the entire plan at once. Knowing me, I'd have just bustled right on in and skipped very vital steps. He has brought me to a new acceptance of life, and much to my amazement, I no longer want my old method of resolution. This is a big step in my spiritual journey. This epiphany truly has brought a different understanding than I was expecting.
We don't have to focus on what we don't want or where we are lacking. We don't have to stay so busy that we miss the real plan, and we don't have to try to change our own mindset or ask that our weaknesses be strengthened. When we truly focus on following Messiah and seek to be busy about our Father's business, we don't have to try to change our mind, we are given the mind of Messiah! We don't have to have our weaknesses strengthened, YHWH strength is made perfect in our weakness . . . Praying is seeking YHWH, and He promises to show us great and mighty things we do not know! He doesn't have to use flash cards as we offer rushed prayers.
The life He has planned for us is so much better than we can work out for ourselves!
As I have become more aware of time and energy, I spent some time listening and energy praying about these two matters. I also asked a sister to pray for me about this "opportunity." She received a very specific directive which she shared with me. Prayer is definitely time and energy well spent. Both of these matters may well be on the horizon, but one situation involves another individual's free will and choice, so . . . that particular project is clearly not in my hands, and is at this point dependent upon the other person spending time in prayer. The only time and energy I am to devote to this situation at this time, is to keep this individual in my prayers. The other situation has been confirmed for me to begin, but it will still be awhile before it is to be launched.
In looking back at the past month, I now realize I had to come to terms with a particular fact of life, and accept the shalom of YHWH in the matter, before this next step could take place. I'm so thankful He doesn't show us the entire plan at once. Knowing me, I'd have just bustled right on in and skipped very vital steps. He has brought me to a new acceptance of life, and much to my amazement, I no longer want my old method of resolution. This is a big step in my spiritual journey. This epiphany truly has brought a different understanding than I was expecting.
We don't have to focus on what we don't want or where we are lacking. We don't have to stay so busy that we miss the real plan, and we don't have to try to change our own mindset or ask that our weaknesses be strengthened. When we truly focus on following Messiah and seek to be busy about our Father's business, we don't have to try to change our mind, we are given the mind of Messiah! We don't have to have our weaknesses strengthened, YHWH strength is made perfect in our weakness . . . Praying is seeking YHWH, and He promises to show us great and mighty things we do not know! He doesn't have to use flash cards as we offer rushed prayers.
The life He has planned for us is so much better than we can work out for ourselves!
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Freedom Beyond Self
I've had a personal struggle for four weeks that finally has been resolved . . . I think. Last month, I chose to focus on an area of my life that has remained unresolved for several years. That one area is unpleasant and awkward, while most of the rest of my life is fantastic! Obviously, it was a choice of self-pity and I certainly displaced my attitude of gratitude for a time, but Y'hshuwah patiently showed me some simple facts, one being, it was time to get over myself.
By the laws of YHWH, I am a desolate wife. My husband rejected me years ago, but refused to get a divorce . . . Yet, by the laws of the land, I'm still married. Now he's disabled, so I feel very obligated to refrain from filing for divorce myself. That is big in the life of someone who prefers resolution and closure. It was the first week in March, when I found myself replacing 3 boxes of tissues throughout the house, that I finally got tired of my self-pity party. Three boxes of tissues in nearly three weeks is about 200 tissues a week, nearly 30 a day! That's a lot of tissues, a lot of tears, and for what? Something I've known for years. Why it got me this year, I can't really say, but Y'hshuwah reminded me of a couple of things He said nearly 2,000 years ago, and a couple of things He's reminded me of in the past 20 years.
First, "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free!" I've heard that, read that, and repeated it for years. As a matter of fact, back in my original e-mail profile, I posted it as "my favorite quote." He then reminded me of the Scripture I "heard," 20 years ago. John 4:18 For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly. The truth is, the guy that promised to love, honor, and cherish me, changed his mind. That's the truth, now, what am I going to do about it?
I chose to be free in the acceptance. The only way an undivorce affects my life, is the way I allow it to. I am free to be the bride of Messiah. I am free to serve YHWH. I am free to work this homestead. I am free to have a business. I am free to be a journalist and writer. I am free to fellowship. I am free to be a part of the five fold ministry. I am even free to establish and host a remnant community. The only thing I am not free to do, I don't want to do anyway. Now how ridiculous was I for those three weeks?
I don't want to reconcile, and I sure don't want to remarry, and I don't want to date or "play house." My life is the way I want it, so why was I so silly? In a word, "Self." I had chosen to focus on the one area I thought was not right, by worldly standards. I know people who are basically happily married to people who do not share their beliefs. I know people who have chosen to move on in relationships without a divorce. I also know folks who have a very blessed relationship and truly believe they are with their soul mate. The point is, the rejection hurt my feelings! I wanted to be free of that hurt, and I thought a legal finality would bind that wound. But Y'hshuwah showed me, an earthly "binding" is not the freedom He offers, and can actually be bondage. When I truly realized I'd been looking at self, I had taken my eyes off of Y'hshuwah, which robbed me of the true understanding of what it is to be free.
When I think of what Y'hshuwah went through for me, I know I truly am loved; and the life our Heavenly Father has bestowed upon me truly is as much freedom as one can possibly have in this world. There is no "I" in the word FREE.
By the laws of YHWH, I am a desolate wife. My husband rejected me years ago, but refused to get a divorce . . . Yet, by the laws of the land, I'm still married. Now he's disabled, so I feel very obligated to refrain from filing for divorce myself. That is big in the life of someone who prefers resolution and closure. It was the first week in March, when I found myself replacing 3 boxes of tissues throughout the house, that I finally got tired of my self-pity party. Three boxes of tissues in nearly three weeks is about 200 tissues a week, nearly 30 a day! That's a lot of tissues, a lot of tears, and for what? Something I've known for years. Why it got me this year, I can't really say, but Y'hshuwah reminded me of a couple of things He said nearly 2,000 years ago, and a couple of things He's reminded me of in the past 20 years.
First, "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free!" I've heard that, read that, and repeated it for years. As a matter of fact, back in my original e-mail profile, I posted it as "my favorite quote." He then reminded me of the Scripture I "heard," 20 years ago. John 4:18 For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly. The truth is, the guy that promised to love, honor, and cherish me, changed his mind. That's the truth, now, what am I going to do about it?
I chose to be free in the acceptance. The only way an undivorce affects my life, is the way I allow it to. I am free to be the bride of Messiah. I am free to serve YHWH. I am free to work this homestead. I am free to have a business. I am free to be a journalist and writer. I am free to fellowship. I am free to be a part of the five fold ministry. I am even free to establish and host a remnant community. The only thing I am not free to do, I don't want to do anyway. Now how ridiculous was I for those three weeks?
I don't want to reconcile, and I sure don't want to remarry, and I don't want to date or "play house." My life is the way I want it, so why was I so silly? In a word, "Self." I had chosen to focus on the one area I thought was not right, by worldly standards. I know people who are basically happily married to people who do not share their beliefs. I know people who have chosen to move on in relationships without a divorce. I also know folks who have a very blessed relationship and truly believe they are with their soul mate. The point is, the rejection hurt my feelings! I wanted to be free of that hurt, and I thought a legal finality would bind that wound. But Y'hshuwah showed me, an earthly "binding" is not the freedom He offers, and can actually be bondage. When I truly realized I'd been looking at self, I had taken my eyes off of Y'hshuwah, which robbed me of the true understanding of what it is to be free.
When I think of what Y'hshuwah went through for me, I know I truly am loved; and the life our Heavenly Father has bestowed upon me truly is as much freedom as one can possibly have in this world. There is no "I" in the word FREE.
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