When Your Best Just Isn't Good Enough

I'm well aware that I am not the brightest crayon in the box, nor am I drop dead gorgeous, but I am a daughter of the Most High.  All my life I felt, if something was lacking, it had to be me . . . and I should try harder, jump higher through the hoops, and meet demanded expectations.  I began getting a taste of another kind of living some years back, but it was so foreign to me, it was awkward.  Then in 2012, I was faced with compromising my beliefs to meet the demanded expectations.  I couldn't do that, regardless of the cost, and the cost was immense!  It wasn't just a one time incident, either.  The defaming continued until, well, there's just no going back.  Actually, the relationship wasn't all that great before, but I learned a valuable reality about myself that has forever changed my perspective.  Strained relationships need to be managed, but kept at a reasonable distance, rather than embracing.  There's no need to be harsh or unkind, but there's absolutely no reason to keep trying harder.

Since the age of 43, I've learned this in every relationship I've had from marriage, to family, to friendship, to social media; and the discovery has been remarkable.  My perspective is just all together different.  When I've genuinely tried my level best and prayed for greater understanding; I can just let go and be done.  It's not about being angry, it's not about a grudge, it's about accepting the fact that my best just isn't good enough and there is no "trying harder" if you've already given it your best.  It's time to shift that "trying harder" energy to acceptance, and I've done that in so many ways these past few years.  It's been so freeing and energizing!  In accepting the rejection or other's disappointment in these relationships, I've discovered how freeing it can be, and how exhausting it was to try to suit them.  

The old saying "you can't miss what you never had" completely fits my new understanding and acceptance.  The idea that trying harder will gain acceptance is just an illusion.  When one gives up the illusion, it's easy to see you can't miss what you never had.  

If one's best isn't good enough for the relationship, it's not really a close relationship, and that's all right.  Not every relationship is meant to be close, long term, and great.  Some folks just come into our life for a season or for a specific reason.  It is unfortunate, however; when the relationship with a spouse, or child, or parent is not so good; but it's not the end of the world!  If a spouse tells you they don't find you desirable, but they don't know why; that's not your problem.  Take a step back, take another look and you may realize just how mutual that non-desire is.  If a grown child, not a teen, because most teens will say it, but if a grown child tells you you're the worst parent in the world, believe them.  A good parent wouldn't have raised an adult person that would say such a disrespectful thing.  Since the formative years are over, there's no going back and trying again, so just shrug your shoulders and redirect your effort.  If a parent has told you, they'll never be proud of you, they probably won't.  Don't worry about it.  According to Scripture all we are responsible to do is to honor them.  So be sure to remember their birthdays and mother and father's day and go on with life.