Marital Advice

I don't usually offer marital advice, as I am more the embodiment of an "horrible warning!"  When it comes to discussing relationships, I really have nothing to bring to the table.  Recently, it has occurred to me, many others are also in the same situation or doubting themselves and so I feel compelled to share what I do know.

I determined years ago that I really did not want to grow up and be like my mother.  I love my mom, but I'm not like her and everyone she did compare me to, she didn't like so much, so . . . Then there was the whole project of tearing down my self-esteem so I wouldn't be vain, or that's what she said.  Sadly, I think it made me much more focused on my appearance, but extremely awkward and inferior about it.  So, when someone treated me like I was pretty, I thought I better keep that guy around!  I wasn't walking with G-d through most of my marital calamities, but thankfully most of the men were good men . . . not G-dly men, but men with good jobs and with the exception of two, were not abusive.

Through the years of serving G-d, I've come to learn a bit about myself.  I am not the average feminine woman, and that's okay, I'm not a feminist either.  I am a woman who really is not defined by my sexuality.  I am simply a child of Elohim.  If a gender definition is required, I would call myself a platonic heterosexual, which suits me perfectly.  I wish I'd realized this several years and several marriages ago . . . I believe there are many people of both genders who would truly prefer companionship or friendship over romance, but the problem arises when individuals try to live up to social expectations.  Our society still has a number of gender specific rules that really do not align with G-d's Word at all, but rather have originated in movies and psychology class.

I think Biblical marriage sounds awesome, but our society doesn't really adhere to that concept, and the Bible doesn't support a woman leading a husband, so I am honest enough to say, I don't know how it's done.  I do know, how it's not done!   In reading the Biblical accounts of marriage and relationships, there is strong indication that these Biblical couples did not spend every spare moment together.  Actually, our society affords more spare moments than Biblical days, and that may be to the detriment of what could be good relationships.  With casual dating and instant credit, building a life together isn't really how things are done anymore!

The main point I want to make in this is that being single does not mean dating or martial failure, it may simply mean single success.  When someone is single, it doesn't mean they haven't "found" their soul mate, it could simply mean they are single.  I know for a fact, there are many marriages that take place between people who are not soul mates.  In my humble opinion, and that's all it is, a partner on the same path would be the foundation for a good relationship.  Young people going the same direction, or more mature individuals who are already established in the same lifestyle would appear to have the best chances of a successful marriage.

Some people are a perfect fit, not perfect; but perfect for each other, and I applaud them.  Others of us may not be part of a pair, and that is not failure.  People are successful when they are obedient to G-d's plan for their lives, and He is the one who sets the standard for what is success.