4F

According to Wikipedia, 4F, Is a military classification under the United States' Selective Service System for candidates found to be unfit for military service after formal examination by the Entrance Processing Command

I've never been in the military, but I'm sure, not only am I too old, I would be 4F.  According to even my definition, I'm 4F, which is full figured and fifty-five.  I've been doing some thinking about health and life expectancy and mandated health insurance, and after last Wednesday, I've made a few decisions.  I am absolutely certain I do not want any medical intervention in the form of health care, so I'll pay the tax.  I can't expect my Heavenly Father to take care of my health, if I don't do what I can to take care of my body.  That means exercise and a healthy kosher diet.  It also means, less stress, more rest, and more Bible time.

The other day, not the day of my "spells" but the day after, really got me thinking.  First, at 55 with a history of heart attacks in the men in my family, not to mention my fullness of figure, I'm guessing I would have been quite the test patient in the ER.  Add to my age and history, an MS diagnosis and the fact that I have not been seen by a doctor since before 9/11.   I'm guessing I'd have at least spent the night in ICU with all sorts of tubes and wires.  The next morning, if I'd have awakened, there would undoubtedly have been a plethora of tests scheduled and a myriad of specialists to see.  Knowing about King Asa, I may not have awakened had I sought physicians, rather than YHWH, but if I had, I cannot imagine the battery of tests and procedures planned.

As that Thursday continued to unfold, with no further symptoms, I gave thanks that fear of death is really not a part of my life.  I also realized a great confidence in just paying the mandated tax.  Medicare tax is figured out of my income, and I don't use that either, so I really don't see any difference.  

I am not a doctor and I don't play one on TV but I was able to piece together an incident that may have contributed to my situation that Wednesday.  Monday afternoon, I had taken an Epsom Salts bath and used it with conditioner.  Our skin is our largest organ and it does absorb into our blood stream that which is rubbed on or added to a bath.  I even posted my trauma about the hair incident, but as I read about magnesium sulfate, it could be I simply had overdone in the bath tub as well.  

I am grateful to have been shown what I saw this week and very thankful that I didn't make the choice King Asa made.  I don't want to stand before my Maker because I lacked faith, I want to stand before Him because my numbered days are accomplished and it's time to clock out and go home!

Marital Advice

I don't usually offer marital advice, as I am more the embodiment of an "horrible warning!"  When it comes to discussing relationships, I really have nothing to bring to the table.  Recently, it has occurred to me, many others are also in the same situation or doubting themselves and so I feel compelled to share what I do know.

I determined years ago that I really did not want to grow up and be like my mother.  I love my mom, but I'm not like her and everyone she did compare me to, she didn't like so much, so . . . Then there was the whole project of tearing down my self-esteem so I wouldn't be vain, or that's what she said.  Sadly, I think it made me much more focused on my appearance, but extremely awkward and inferior about it.  So, when someone treated me like I was pretty, I thought I better keep that guy around!  I wasn't walking with G-d through most of my marital calamities, but thankfully most of the men were good men . . . not G-dly men, but men with good jobs and with the exception of two, were not abusive.

Through the years of serving G-d, I've come to learn a bit about myself.  I am not the average feminine woman, and that's okay, I'm not a feminist either.  I am a woman who really is not defined by my sexuality.  I am simply a child of Elohim.  If a gender definition is required, I would call myself a platonic heterosexual, which suits me perfectly.  I wish I'd realized this several years and several marriages ago . . . I believe there are many people of both genders who would truly prefer companionship or friendship over romance, but the problem arises when individuals try to live up to social expectations.  Our society still has a number of gender specific rules that really do not align with G-d's Word at all, but rather have originated in movies and psychology class.

I think Biblical marriage sounds awesome, but our society doesn't really adhere to that concept, and the Bible doesn't support a woman leading a husband, so I am honest enough to say, I don't know how it's done.  I do know, how it's not done!   In reading the Biblical accounts of marriage and relationships, there is strong indication that these Biblical couples did not spend every spare moment together.  Actually, our society affords more spare moments than Biblical days, and that may be to the detriment of what could be good relationships.  With casual dating and instant credit, building a life together isn't really how things are done anymore!

The main point I want to make in this is that being single does not mean dating or martial failure, it may simply mean single success.  When someone is single, it doesn't mean they haven't "found" their soul mate, it could simply mean they are single.  I know for a fact, there are many marriages that take place between people who are not soul mates.  In my humble opinion, and that's all it is, a partner on the same path would be the foundation for a good relationship.  Young people going the same direction, or more mature individuals who are already established in the same lifestyle would appear to have the best chances of a successful marriage.

Some people are a perfect fit, not perfect; but perfect for each other, and I applaud them.  Others of us may not be part of a pair, and that is not failure.  People are successful when they are obedient to G-d's plan for their lives, and He is the one who sets the standard for what is success.

Social Media

Thanks to social media, many personality disorders now seem to be elevated to self-proclaimed virtue and pious authority.  Before social media, there were a few taboo subjects that folks avoided or at least chose to let pass without comment, but no more.  It seems everything requires comment, and frequently, correction.

In this revelation, I must admit I was guilty last year of taking the bait a couple of times and staying in a discussion longer than need be to arrive at a ridiculous dead end, feeling rather foolish.  It was just shortly after the first of 2013 I realized how similar social media seemed to dysfunctional family gatherings.  It's amazing how many teachers, pastors, rabbis, and Bible scholars there are, who are just entirely too knowledgeable to participate in any level of discussion amongst piers.  Not to leave out experts in ares of non-religious fields, because I've seen that too, but most of my discussion attempts on social media are of a spiritual topic, with overtones of current events.

We all believe we have valuable information to contribute, but it really doesn't take long to realize, three things.  Some folks just need to be heard, some folks really believe everyone needs to hear them, and the one with the last word is not necessarily right.

Many of us participating in social media are not terribly successful, socially; which could account for the amount of time available for social media.  While others are quite sociable and have expanded their social skills and success to yet another venue.  I truly admire those folk of social ease!  I know for myself, I am not terribly at ease in social settings.  When in social settings, I find myself very conscious of the potential to place my foot in my mouth.  I pray a lot before attending any gathering.

Internet social media with a delete button has taken some of the edge off my anxiety.  I prefer to be able to see my thoughts outside of my head before my words become airborne, never again to be regathered.  Even in proof reading, I still manage typos and awkward expression, but for the most part, I've learned to just avoid the discussions in which some folks prefer to be offended.

It seems, social media is one more venue, in which we humans find folks of similar interests and beliefs, as well as folks we don't, and in true human form, we behave the same way on line as we do on the telephone or in any social setting.  We all have people we prefer and people we don't.  As a believer, I do very much want to love everybody, but liking them is an entirely different matter.

What Others See

We hear over and over in religious circles that we shouldn't care what others think of us, but many of us don't think much of ourselves.  Of course, this is reversed as well.  There are some people, when I see how highly they regard themselves, I have thought to myself, "what do they see when they look in the mirror, that I'm obviously missing?"  I've gone through life feeling really badly about myself and I know it's had an impact on many areas of my life that could have been so much different.  Feeling unattractive really does affect the way we present ourselves.  Two things changed when watching this video.  One, the realization that many of us see ourselves much more negatively than others do.  Two, I am absolutely in love with this artist for doing this!

http://www.upworthy.com/2-people-described-the-same-person-to-a-forensic-artist-and-this-is-what-happene?g=2

Living

The other morning, as I prepared for my "Ribbon Cutting" with the local Chamber of Commerce, I felt like a debutante preparing for a cotillion.   It may seem a bit late, but it's not quite been 20 years since I began following Messiah, so regardless of the silver locks, I'm still quite a young princess.  My first book signing, wasn't until I was 40.  The first Shemitah of my homesteading years, I turned 50, and I learned "jubilee" in Scriptural context is more than an anniversary, which it is, but the year of jubilee is also about the opportunity of perpetuity in liberty and freedom.  Jubilee is not just an anniversary to look back, but a new beginning, as well!  My 50th year on the planet was not at all what I expected, but as turns out, it was even better than my expectations.  Yet I digress.  Back to the Ribbon Cutting and my debut.

I am not exactly the image of American beauty and femininity.  I'm far from the image of matronly mainstream, but I have my niche.  YHWH actually created me for just this life and lifestyle, and loves me so much, He's allowed me to know His Name and share it with others.  He also allows me to call Him, Abba, and His Son calls me, chosen.  As I prepared for this event, which may not seem like an event to many, but to a socially awkward individual, this was big!  I am creative and earthy, so I am completely at ease in sharing information about my products.  I truly care about people, but I'm horrible at small talk and terrible in the spotlight.  I am happy to answer questions and share knowledge, but I'm not a teacher.

It seems, I can easily identify myself by what I'm not.  What I've learned and continue to learn as I follow Messiah is, I do have a purpose and I've been blessed with many talents, reasonable intelligence, and much endurance.  This opportunity was exactly what it was supposed to be and I did what Abba intended for me to do.  The Ribbon Cutting was the way to meet people who need to meet Messiah and the way to discover the needs in the community, that have yet to be met.  My cards have Scripture on them, the bars of soap have Scripture on the labels, and the words of the Prophet proclaim, "The Word of YHWH does not return void."

Confirmation once again was presented as to Abba's words when I first answered His call to ministry and He told me to "do what's not being done."  The other day, one of the gentlemen at the Ribbon Cutting shook my hand and said, "This is wonderful for our community, there is nothing like this here!  You milk the goats for the goat milk soap, too, don't you?"  Living His Plan is truly living!

Reality

Reality and retrospect have converged in my life and I am truly thankful for what the King of the universe has done, in making me one of His daughters.  It seems I had to be declared a senior citizen in this culture for me to truly embrace the Plan YHWH has for me.  I've been serving Him for nearly 20 years, but it suddenly feels like the first few years were training.  I heard two very clear statements from YHWH, back in 1999, but the preparation did not happen overnight.

I find myself amazed at so many who have come into truth and instantly claim authority.  Not that I doubt that it can happen, it's just not something I can relate to.  But then I realize as I listen to these people, they had a confidence before they ever met Messiah, that I simply didn't have.  YHWH has been very patient with me, and thankfully, didn't allow me to have positions of authority that would have resulted in wrong teaching.  Wrong teaching has gained horrendous momentum, and yet; His truth stands forever.  As I look back over the years of preparation, I also find myself glimpsing even farther back, just something that was instrumental along the way, that I didn't realize at the time.

I'm truly thankful that I didn't have any confidence before I had confidence in Messiah.  I always knew I wasn't a beautiful woman, and I didn't exactly fit into any crowd, all along.  I wasn't ugly and I wasn't anti-social, just not like anybody else, and had no idea or appreciation at the time for how unique we all are.  Now, at 55, I have a different perspective.  I have the privilege of being the unique individual I am and walk in the confidence my Creator gave me.  I have the joy of appreciating others who are also unique.  I am also very thankful as time has moved on, that I didn't place my confidence in youthful beauty.  In looking in the mirror, I can honestly be thankful that I can't miss what I never had!

I am not writing this from a self-pity aspect at all.  I've always felt my best traits were in my talents and accomplishments. The truth is, I've always been told I have beautiful eyes, and they are unique to my complexion, but more than that, they are a light to my whole being and a window to my soul.  Y'hshuwah chose me and made my soul beautiful, even before I knew Him.   Although, what I do in my life, I am doing it as unto YHWH, but it is nice to hear that another life has been impacted positively with something I've done.  I've been blessed to have people come up and ask me if I'm me because they recognized my voice from my radio show, or leave comments at my blogs, or even call to let me know my latest book really touched them.  Being in business, I always enjoy a good report on one of my product lines.  All in all, those compliments mean so much more to me than, "Twenty-five years ago and you were just gorgeous!"

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.  Proverbs 31:31

A Proverbs 31 Woman

When I first began to follow Messiah, I felt like there was just no job for me to do.  All these years later, I now feel like I'm about as busy as I can be and still get anything accomplished!  Do you ever have so much going on, it feels you're overlooking things?  As I purposely shuffled the new catalogue aside to upload the latest episode of BEFORE It Was HEADLINES It Was PROPHECY, I was aware that the catalogue needs to be done this week, and the store needs to be updated, and there are plans for the inventory room.  The business seems to be doing well, definitely meeting some needs, and there are a couple more new products in the works.  I'm excited to be able to offer natural health care products, and kosher soap with Scripture on the packaging, and a business to my descendants.  

Tomorrow a new pasture will be in existence here at Goshen.  Three sides are already fenced and I'm absolutely delighted to have help coming to assist me in accomplishing the end of the task.  Before you think I'm really amazing, I didn't do the three sides that are already in existence.  This last side is just a matter of connecting what's already there.

I walked past the green house this morning, opened the door to delight in the fact it is ready for winter!  And I now know for sure what rice looks like as it begins to grow.  Hopefully, I'll have at least enough of a rice harvest for seeds to plant.  I know I'm grimacing, just thinking about GMO rice containing human DNA as I type this.  After my failed attempt last spring, I'm thankful to have this project in the works now.

The Goshen Gazette has some wonderful contributors and our readership is increasing.  The canning is done and it looks like I will have plenty of writing projects for the winter.  I remember back a few projects ago, I thought for sure YHWH would be bringing more folks on board before now.  I bought the Five-Fold Ministry meeting table 3 1/2 years ago, thinking it would be in use by now . . .  Instead, my Father the King has increased what is to be established, and certainly made some serious changes in me.

I awaken before daylight and as I thought of the busy day, I heard the most wonderful words from my Abba.
"You said you wanted to be a Proverbs 31 Woman."